Rockers To Help Explain Whitewater
Tina Turner…..Ellen Cleghorne
Garth Brooks…..Mike Myers
Jerry Garcia…..Chris Farley
Michael Bolton…..Kevin Nealon
Wynonna Judd…..Melanie Hutsell
Naomi Judd…..Julia Sweeney
Aaron Neville…..Tim Meadows
Elton John…..Phil Hartman
Elvis Costello…..Michael McKean
Kurt Cobain…..David Spade
Anthony Kiedis…..Jay Mohr
k.d. Lang…..Rob Schneider
Axl Rose…..Adam Sandler
[ dissolve to large group of rockers standing together in a recording studio, banner tacked between the walls reads “Rockers To Help Explain Whitewater” ]
[ music tempo begins, the tune bears resemblance to USA Fro Africa’s “We Are The World” ]
[ dissolve from group to shot to close-up of Tina turner side-by-side with Garth Brooks ]
Cindy Crawford: Hi, I’m Cindy Crawford for M-TV News! [ major applause from the audience ] For the last several weeks, the story of President Clinton’s Whitewater scandal has dominated the headlines. We at M-TV initially thought we weren’t going to be able to cover the Whitewater affair at all – mostly becuase many of our viewers, myself included, don’t really understand Whitewater, or even know what it is. But that’s all changed, now that some of the biggest names in rock have come together to sing a song about it. Let’s take a look.
“Back in 1978
The Clintons bought some land to sell vacation homes.
230 acres, to be exact.”
“They borrowed 2 or 3,000 dollars
With their friends The MacDougals.
And formed the Whitewater Development Corporation.”
“And that’s a fact!”
“In 1980, McDougal buys
the Madison Bank & Trust.
He lends his partner Hillary 30 grand
to build a model home on a Whitewater lot.”
“He loans her money to get around laws
Which prevents him from loaning money to himselfOr his company”
“And that’s the plot!”
“It’s very complicated!
It’s hard to understand!
We’ll try to walk to walk you through it
Come on and take my hand!”
“In 1984, Whitewater helps Bill pay back
A $20,000 personal loan to the Cherry Valley Bank.
And the Clintons claim the paymentas an interest deduction on their tax return.”
“That’s an illegal deduction
but the Clintons blame their accountants for the mistake.”
“This intriguing turn.”
“McDougal buys back Clinton’s loan
And hires Hillary and her law firm to represent his bank.
Then she helps Whitewater buy a new piece of land
With an illegal $300,000 loan.”
“McDougal says he shipped the Clintons all the files
to the governors mansion.
And the Clintons say they never got them.”
“These guys should talk on the phone.”
“It’s very tough to figure
where it all went wrong.
But draw your own conclusion
from listening to our song.”
“Madison Bank goes underwith $60 million missing.McDougal is arrested.And, in a conflict of interest,
Hillary’s law firm is hired for a suit against the bank
that it used to represent.”
“McDougal is acquitted
but claims the Clintons lost much less
than the $68,000 they claimed.”
“And in 1992, Clinton ran for President.”
“It’s really quite a puzzle
Who did what to who.
But we gotta get a handle
It’s up to me and you.”
“In 1993, Vince Foster,
the Clintons’ friend and attorney
who worked at the same firm as Hillary
filed long overdue taxes for Whitewater
Which contradicted msot of the estabished financial numbers.
After his suicide,
important papers were removed from his office.”
“White House staffers met with the Treasury Department
And then Janet Reno named a special Prosecutor
And the House began deciding whether to hold hearings
and what kind to hold.
So finally the President had to being in Lloyd Cutler,
an old Democratic hand
to restore some order to his administration.”
“We don’t have all the answers
Perhaps we never will.
The only ones who’ll ever know
Are Hillary and Bill.”
Elvis Costello: “And McDougal and his wife..”
Jerry Garcia: And Webster Hubbell and Maraget Williams..”[ dissolve to Axl Rose ]
Axl Rose: And Vince Foster.”[ video title card appears over full shot of the studio:
Rockers To Help Explain Whitewater
Jazzman Records ] [ dissolve back to Cindy Crawford ]
Cindy Crawford: I’ve learned more from that song than all years at M-TV! [ thorws her arms in the air ] “Live, from New York, it’s SATURDAY NIGHT!!“