93s: John Goodman / The Pretenders
Flintstones Names
…..John Goodman
[ open on title card ]
Announcer: The following is a public service announcement from the producers of “The Flintstones”.
[ dissolve to John Goodman dressed as Fred Flintstone on rock set ]
John Goodman: Hello. I’m John Goodman. Those of you familiar with “The Flintstones” have probably noticed that the characters often have names involving stones and rocks, such as Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, and even Mr. Slate. Obviously, this can be quite disconcerting to viewers here in the 20th Century. So I’m here tonight to uexplain the key to understanding Flintonstones names. You know, it’s actually quite simple. You see.. you just take a name, add the word “stone” or “rock” to it, and.. [ snaps finger ] presto! You’re a citizen of Bedrock!
[ holds up rock slab with “Roseanne Arnold” on it ] For example, my good friend Roseanne Arnold, in the Flintstones world, would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..Roseanne Arnstone. Understand?
[ holds up rock slab with “Eric Johnson” on it ] While, if your name were Eric Johnson, you would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..Eric Rockson.
[ holds up rock slab with “Lewis Bowen” on it ] And Lewis Bowen would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..Louis Boulder. You get it! It’s that simple!
[ holds up rock slab with “Sharon Stone” on it ] Now, if Sharon Stone lived in Bedrock, her name would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..Sharon Miller.
[ holds up rock slab with “Stone Phillips” on it ] While newsman Stone Phillips would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..Jason Phillips.
[ holds up rock slab with “Rocky Marciano” on it ] Rocky Marciano, if he were still alive, would be known as.. [ flips slab over ] ..Rocky Johnson.
[ holds up rock slab with “Chris Farley” on it ] And our own Chris Farley would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..Chris Rock.
[ holds up rock slab with “Tony Curtis” on it ] Actor Tony Curtis, in the world of The Flintstones, would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..Bernie Schwartz.
[ holds up rock slab with “Oliver Stone” on it ] And, finally, Oliver Stone would be known as.. [ flips slab over ] ..Rock McStoneyrock.
[ holds up rock slab with “The Rolling Stones” on it ] Now.. The Rolling Stones would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..The Who.
[ holds up rock slab with “Rocky” on it ] The movie “Rocky” would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..”Rocky 2″.
[ holds up rock slab with “Rocky 2” on it ] “Rocky 2” would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..”Rocky 3″.
[ holds up rock slab with “Rocky 3” on it ] And “Rocky 3” would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..The Rocky Horror Picture Rock”.
[ holds up rock slab with “Hamburger” on it ] A hamburger would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..a brontosaurus burger.
[ holds up rock slab with “Brontosaurus” on it ] While a brontosaurus would be.. [ flips slab over ] ..a triceratops.
[ holds up rock slab with “Triceratops” on it ] A triceratops would be.. [ flips slab over to reveal a drawing of a triceratops with passengers ] ..a city bus, and people would ride on its back!
I hope this clears things up. [ holds up rock slab with “John Goodman” on it ] I’m John Goodman, or you can call me by my Flintstones name.. [ flips slab over ] ..John D. Rockefeller.
Thank you.
[ dissolve to title card ]
Announcer: This has been a public service announcement. But you can call it “a stone service rock.”
[ fade ]
