The Flirt


The Flirt

Man in Bar…..Kevin Nealon
Beautiful Woman…..Heather Locklear
Guy next to Woman…..Chris Farley
Guy next to Man…..Norm MacDonald

[ open on interior, Wilson’s Bar ] [ At the counter, Man in Bar sips his drink, then notices a Beautiful Woman smiling at him from the other side of the counter. She winks at him and makes a funny face; he winks back and makes a funny face of his own. ] [ She holds up he drink and takes a sip; likewise, he holds up his drink and takes a sip, suave as ever. ] [ She presses her finger to her lips, then points it at him; he puckers up, touches his lips, and holds his finger out. ] [Intrigued, she pulls her nose high with her finger and snorts like a pig; engaged in the flirting action, he does the same. ] [ Impressed that he followed up on that one, the Beautiful Woman grabs a pitcher of beer and chugs it down, as most of the beer spills across her chest, then she spits some of the beer out of her mouth; likeing what he sees, the Man in Bar also grabs a pitcher, chugs it down and chokes on the excess. ] [ Still enjoying herself, the Beautiful Woman takes out a sketchpad and produces a drawing of the Man in Bar; he takes out his sketchpad, and also draws a picture of himself. ] [ Testing to see how far he’ll go, she grabs the collar of the Guy next to her and kisses him on the lips, then looks across the bar for the reaction; challenged, the Man in Bar looks around, then grabs the Guy next to him and kisses him on the lips. ]Guy next to Man: [ breaking free ] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

[ The Beautiful Woman unhooks her bra, then pulls pulls it out of her dress and dangles it for the Man in Bar to see; unable to copy that, he grabs the Guy next to him again and gives him another kiss on the lips. ] [ Thinking of a way to top herself, the Beatiful Woman takes out a bottle labeled “POISON” and takes a sip; determined not to lose pace, the Man in Bar takes out a bottle labeled “POISON” as well, and takes a sip. ] [ The Beautiful Woman peels the label off of her bottle, to reveal a second label – “WATER”; worried, the Man in Bar cautiously peels the label off of his bottle, to reveal the label “REALLY BAD POISON”. When he sees it, he doubles over the bar and dies. ] [ The Beautiful Woman walks over to the Man’s body, pulls out his wallet, then walks away. ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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