SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 09/24/94: hht Home Headache Test


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 20: Episode 1

94a: Steve Martin / Eric Clapton

hht Home Headache Test

Wife…..Janene Garafalo
Husband…..Kevin Nealon
Spokesman…..Michael McKean

[ open on couple standing before the camera ]

Wife: I’ve got this pain in my forehead that goes all the way to the base of my neck! It feels like I have a headache – but now can I be sure.

Husband: I feel fine. But what if I have a really bad headache – and don’t know it?

[ cut to Spokesman ]

Spokesman: When you’re wondering if you have a headache, you want an answer, and you want it fast! That’s why Leland-Meyers has developed.. HHt – the first At-Home Headache Test available in the United States. To use the home headache test, simply draw a moderate amount of blood. Place it in the centerfuge. Put a drop on the tester strip. And wait two hours. If the spot turns blue, you have a headache. If the spot turns green, you don’t. If the spot turns purple, results are inconclusive; try again, with a larger blood sample. Convenient.. safe, if properly performed.. and up to 80% accurate.

[ cut to Wife clutching her head in pain ]

Wife: Oh, God.. I’m in agony..!

Husband: [ holding results strip ] Honey, you don’t have a headache.

Wife: Oh, thank God!

Husband: [ looks at second strip ] Neither do I!

[ they giggle happily ]

Spokesman: The Home Headache Test. From Leland-Meyers Because, what’s worse – having a bad headache? Or not knowing you have a headache?

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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