SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 09/24/94: Super Sports Tours


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 20: Episode 1

94a: Steve Martin / Eric Clapton

Super Sports Tours

…..Steve Martin

Announcer: Super Sports Tours is proud to announce its 1994 Fall baseball cruise! On September 28th, it’s all aboard the Pacific Queen for a week of fun and sun with some of your favorite baseball stars. Including:

[ each ballplayer is shown in an onscreen card as their name is called ]

Three-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens, from the Boston Red Sox. You’ll also meet the Pirates starting shortshop, Jay Bell. And former gold glove catcher, Cleveland’s Tony Pena.

They’ll all be there with you, as you tour the Carribbean Islands on a 1,200-foot luxury liner. Enjoy our 24 hour-a-day gourmet banquet food and drink. And don’t talk baseball with real major league stars, like:

Mets all-star slugger, Bobby Bonilla. As well as Blue Jays pitcher, Todd Stottlemyer. And the Padres’ Pip Roberts. And Bill Plantier.

All of these stars will share the tropical sun and fun with you. Annnd so will:

Seattle Mariner’s superstar, Ken Griffey, Jr. Colorado’s Andres Galarraga. And Florida’s Jeff Conine. Also, the Brewers’ Cal Eldred. Annnd the Cardinals’ Ozzie Smith.

Relax.. swim.. dine.. and dance with: Giants’ slugger Matt Williams. And the Braves’ Terry Pendleton and Tom Glavine. They’re all along for the trip. And so are the Phillies’ Danny Jackson, John Kruk, and Lenny Dykstra. And the Rangers’ Will Clark. and the White Sox’ Frank Thomas, Tim Raines, Joey Cora, and Jack MacDowell. And also from the Braves: Mark Lemke and Kent Mercker. And also from the Phillies, Darren Daulton. Annnnd many, many more.

Like Baltimore’s Cal Ripkin, Jr. And Chicago’s Sammy Sosa. And Mark Grace. And the Tigers’ Cecil Fielder. And the Red Sox’ Mo Vaughn. And also from the Yankees: Don Mattingly, and Mike Stanley, and Paul O’Niel, and Jim Leyritz and Danny Tartabull and Jim Abbott, and Randy Velarde and Gerald Williams and Matt Nokes. Annd don’t forget about the Angels’ Chili Davis, and Tim Salmon And the Padres’ Tony Gwynn. And many more.

For example: the Indians’ Kenny Lofton. And the Twins’ Shane Mack and Kirby Puckett.

[ dissolve to an extensive quick scroll of over 700 names of baseball players ]

This is Super Sports Tours biggest baseball cruise ever! Over 700 major leaguers, sailing with you and eleven other lucky guests. That’s almost 70 players per passenger!

It’s six glorious days and nights through the beautiful waters of the Carribbean. Including a stop at the Dominican Republic, where we’ll be joined by: The Dodgers’ Ramon Martinez and the Astros’ Andujar Cedano.

Don’t miss this unprecedented opportunity. Prices start at $399. Space is limited on the ship. So don’t delay. Call 1-600-HOME-RUN.. today!

[ dissolve to a group of striking baseball players onboard the cruise ship ]

Ball Players: We’re on vacation.. and you should be, too!

Announcer: Call now!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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