Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 20: Episode 2
94b: Marisa Tomei / Bonnie Raitt
Framington High Fall Mixer
Black Guy…..Tim Meadows
[ open on interior, Framington High gymnasium during their Fall Mixer ] [ Background Music: “Freebird”, Lynyrd Skynyrd ] [ the crowds open up to reveal a high school couple slow dancing in a circular motion. Each one speaks as they make the spin to face the camera ]
Boy: I’m really glad we’re dancing together.
Girl: Me, too, you’re a good dancer.
Boy: It’s fun to dance.
Girl: Uh-huh. Can’t beat dancing.
Boy: Dancing is good and fun.
Girl: I was just about to say that.
Boy: Is it okay if I put my hands here? [ lowers his hands to Girl’s butt ]
Boy: Is it okay if I move them around?
Girl: Uhh.. no.
Boy: Your hair smells nice, what do you wash it with?
Girl: Well.. I wash it with Herbal Essence shampoo.. and then I put Sassoon conditioner on, for exactly fifteen minutes.. and then, before I rinse it out, I squoosh it in real good to the hair shaft.. and then, you-
Boy: [ quickly spins around so he can face the camera, cutting off Girl’s response ] O-o-okay.. Herbal Essence, and then the other one. I got it, thank you.
Girl: [ looks across the room with a disgusted look on her face ] Oh, gro-oss. That guy’s staring at me.
Boy: [ looking, assuming the role of a tough guy ] That little guy with the beard? I’ll beat his ass!
Girl: No, the big Puerto Rican guy next to him.
Boy: [ secretly scared ] I don’t think he’s staring at you. [ glances at the Puerto Rican guy ] Hola!
Girl: My parents are out at some play tonight. You wanna.. come over and hang out?
Boy: [ excited ] Yes!
Girl: Oh! What was that?
Boy: Sorry, uh.. that happens sometimes when I dance..
Girl: Well, can you make it not happen?
Boy: Yeah. Start talking about your shampoos again.
Girl: You know.. I heard there’s a guy in the Senior class.. who still sleeps in his Battlestar Galactica pajamas.
Boy: [ eyes shifting back and forth nervously ]
Girl: Turns out the lacrosse team found out who it was, and they’re coming over to beat the crap out of him.
Boy: [ puts a fake moustache over his lip ] Really? I hope they find the guy.
Black Guy: Excuse me, you mind if I cut in?
Boy: Not at all.[ Boy and Girl seperate; the Black Guy begins to dance with the Boy, as the Girl steps aside and pouts to herself ]
Black Guy: I like your moustache.
Black Guy: Is it okay if I put my hands down here? [ puts his hands on Boy’s butt ]
Black Guy: Is it okay if I move them around?[ fade ]