Larry King Live


Larry King Live

Larry King…..Kevin Nealon
Marlon Brando…..John Travolta
Caller…..Jim Downey

Announcer: Welcome to “Larry King Live”. Tonight: a special-edition, with a very special guest. A conversation with one of the greatest actors of our time: Marlon Brando. Now, live, from Brando’s home in Beverly Hills, here’s Larry King.

Larry King: Alright, we’re honored to be here in the beautiful home of the super-talented Marlon Brando. His book, “Brando: Songs My mother Taught Me”, the autobiography has been published by Random House. Now, Marlon.. I know you never grant interviews, so I’m honored.

Marlon Brando: Well, Larry, you know.. I knew I’d have a god time on this show. You’re sweating, Larry.. why are you sweating?

Larry King: [ nervous laughter ] I’m Jewish! Jews sweat!

Marlon Brando: Let me.. let me help you with that sweat.. let me help you soak this up here. [ dabbles Larry’s forehead with a tissue ]

Larry King: Alright.. alright..

Marlon Brando: [ sticks the tissue to Larry’s forehead ] There you go.

Larry King: Alright, Marlon. Alright, if you’re just tuning in, my guest is the brilliant Marlon Brando; the book, “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; and the tissue, to soak up my sweat.

Marlon Brando: Here, let me take that off you.. for you, Larry. [ removes tissue ]

Larry King: Alright. Thank you, Marlon. Alright, we’re back! Alright, we’ll be taking your calls a little later! We’re at the home of the great Marlon Brando, in Beverly Hills.. [ Marlon pinches Larry’s nose ] Alright, Marlon.. in Beverly Hills, California.

Marlon Brando: He can’t talk right now, because he’s got his nose pinched!

Larry King: Alright, Marlon.. alright, Marlon.. alright. Marlon, what made you get into acting?

Marlon Brando: Larry, do you know what this is? This is an oil the Native Americans made.. it’s a Sereconi plant. And they claim that the.. the oils are very healing.

Larry King: Actually has the ability to heal?

Marlon Brando: Yes, it does.

Larry King: Alright.

Marlon Brando: Why don’t you rub a little bit on my feet?

Larry King: [ crazed laughter ] Come on, Marlon!

Marlon Brando: No, go ahead, Larry.. I’ll talk to you about acting. [ props his bare foot in Larry’s lap ]

Larry King: Alright, Marlon. Anything for the great Marlon. [ starts to apply oil to Marlon’s bare foot ] Alright. If you’re just tuning in – the book, an autobiography; the subject, acting; the oil-laden foot, Marlon Brando’s.

Marlon Brando: I got my acting start in New York.. oh, that’s nice, Larry.

Larry King: Alright.

Marlon Brando: [ joyfully ] Oh, that’s good! You see.. Larry, acting is be.. believing.. Oh.. oh, that’s good..

Larry King: But why acting, Marlon?

Marlon Brando: Well, you know.. I want you to try one of these cookies – here. [ offers cookie to Larry, who’s shy to accept ] No, no, no.. go ahead, try one. [ Larry takes a cookie ] And don’t lie to me – if you like it, youtell me you liked it.

Larry King: Anything for the great Marlon Brando. [ nibbles cookie ]

Marlon Brando: What do you think?

Larry King: Interesting. Are these also made from the Sereconi plant?

Marlon Brando: [ slyly ] I’m not gonna tell you what it’s made from.

Larry King: [ worried ] Is it something that could make me sick?

Marlon Brando: Perhaps.. perhaps not.

Larry King: [ more worried ] Is it something that cookies are not normally made from?

Marlon Brando: Well.. let’s just say, you know.. maybe what it’s made from will put a cookie-eating grin on your face. [ chuckles ]

Larry King: [ puts cookie down ] Alright, Marlon.. alright. Mr. B., let’s talk about fame – what has it done for you?

Marlon Brando: Well, it’s allowed me a cer-.. a certain lifestyle, you know.. and it’s filled with privileges.

Larry King: Right. You like acting-

Marlon Brando: [ holds up huge baby bonnet ] You know, Larry.. I’d like to see you in this. [ tries to put the bonnet on Larry’s head ]

Larry King: What are you doing, Marlon?

Marlon Brando: Just wear it, Larry..

Larry King: [ struggling ] Come on, Marlon..

Marlon Brando: No, just wear it.

Larry King: What about acting?

Marlon Brando: Alright, go ahead, Larry.. [ finally gets the bonnet nestles on Larry’s head ] There you go, you look good.

Larry King: Alright, Marlon, whatever you say. Alright.

Marlon Brando: It’s a baby bonnet!

Larry King: [ embarrassed ] Yeah.. I know it is. [ trying to regain control ] Has fame made you happy?

Marlon Brando: Yes.. I’m happy, Larry. But how about you?

Larry King: I’m very happy!

Marlon Brando: Well, you don’t look so happy.. you look sad.

Larry King: I assure you, with great acting legend Marlon Brando on my show, I am very happy. [ to camera ] If you’re just joining us: the book, “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; our guest, the incomparable Marl- [ Marlon leans in to draw a smiley face on Larry’s mouth with a magic marker ] Alright, Marlon.. alright, Marlon.. alright.. anything for Marlon. Now I’m happy.. now I’m happy.. alright: the book, “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; the cookie, probably excrement; the bonnet, a gift; the smile, Magic Marker. We’ll be taking calls.

Marlon Brando: [ a proud artist ] Ha! Now Larry is happy!

Larry King: Alright, Marlon. Tomorrow night, Jerry Van Dyke and Tori Spelling. Holy Oak, Massachusetts! Hello!

Caller: Hello, Larry. Uh, Mr. Brando, I just want to say, I loved you in “On The Waterfront”.

Marlon Brando: Oh, thank you..

Caller: It’s my favorite movie! Uh.. my question is: could you make larry drop his pants?

Larry King: [ nervous laughter ]

Marlon Brando: Sure. Larry, drop your drawers.

Larry King: [ nervous laughter ] Let’s take some more calls!

Marlon Brando: No, no, why are you avoiding the issue, Larry? Drop your drawers for the man.

Larry King: [ stands ] Alright.. anything for the great Marlon Brando.

Marlon Brando: Let’s go.

Larry King: The man has won two Oscars, ladies and gentlemen. [ fully removes his pants, then sits ] Alright. Alright, Marlon, really quick: in your whole career, who have you had the most fun working with?

Marlon Brando: You, Larry! This is the most.. fun I’ve ever had in my life!

Larry King: Marlon’s being very flattering right now. [ Marlon tosses the cookies at Larry’s face ] Alright, Marlon.. come on, now.. come on, Marlon! Come on, now, let’s.. the great Marlon Brando, ladies and gentlemen..

Marlon Brando: Do you-

Larry King: Unfortunately, we are out of time right now.

Marlon Brando: Do you remember that song, Larry, “Got A Date..” [ singing ] “I’ve got a date with an angel..”

Larry King: Sure! Sure! Waller and Tunbridge..

Marlon Brando: Get on all fours!

Larry King: We’ve gotta go now..

Marlon Brando: Come on! Get on all fours!

Larry King: Alright, Marlon.. The Godfather has spoken. [ gets on all fours and lets Marlon ride him ] Alright.

Marlon Brando: That’s it! [ singing ] “I’ve got a date with an angel.. I’ve got a date with an angel..”

Larry King: The book is “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; the man riding me, Marlon Brando..

Marlon Brando: Are you happy, Larry?

Larry King: [ weary ] Very happy!

Marlon Brando: You look sad – tell your face that you’re happy.

Larry King: Tomorrow night: Jerry Van Dyke and Tori Spelling. Arrividerci!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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