Larry King Live


Larry King Live

Larry King…..Kevin Nealon
Marlon Brando…..John Travolta
Caller…..Jim Downey


Announcer: Welcome to “Larry King Live”. Tonight: a special-edition, with a very special guest. A conversation with one of the greatest actors of our time: Marlon Brando. Now, live, from Brando’s home in Beverly Hills, here’s Larry King.

Larry King: Alright, we’re honored to be here in the beautiful home of the super-talented Marlon Brando. His book, “Brando: Songs My mother Taught Me”, the autobiography has been published by Random House. Now, Marlon.. I know you never grant interviews, so I’m honored.

Marlon Brando: Well, Larry, you know.. I knew I’d have a god time on this show. You’re sweating, Larry.. why are you sweating?

Larry King: [ nervous laughter ] I’m Jewish! Jews sweat!

Marlon Brando: Let me.. let me help you with that sweat.. let me help you soak this up here. [ dabbles Larry’s forehead with a tissue ]

Larry King: Alright.. alright..

Marlon Brando: [ sticks the tissue to Larry’s forehead ] There you go.

Larry King: Alright, Marlon. Alright, if you’re just tuning in, my guest is the brilliant Marlon Brando; the book, “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; and the tissue, to soak up my sweat.

Marlon Brando: Here, let me take that off you.. for you, Larry. [ removes tissue ]

Larry King: Alright. Thank you, Marlon. Alright, we’re back! Alright, we’ll be taking your calls a little later! We’re at the home of the great Marlon Brando, in Beverly Hills.. [ Marlon pinches Larry’s nose ] Alright, Marlon.. in Beverly Hills, California.

Marlon Brando: He can’t talk right now, because he’s got his nose pinched!

Larry King: Alright, Marlon.. alright, Marlon.. alright. Marlon, what made you get into acting?

Marlon Brando: Larry, do you know what this is? This is an oil the Native Americans made.. it’s a Sereconi plant. And they claim that the.. the oils are very healing.

Larry King: Actually has the ability to heal?

Marlon Brando: Yes, it does.

Larry King: Alright.

Marlon Brando: Why don’t you rub a little bit on my feet?

Larry King: [ crazed laughter ] Come on, Marlon!

Marlon Brando: No, go ahead, Larry.. I’ll talk to you about acting. [ props his bare foot in Larry’s lap ]

Larry King: Alright, Marlon. Anything for the great Marlon. [ starts to apply oil to Marlon’s bare foot ] Alright. If you’re just tuning in – the book, an autobiography; the subject, acting; the oil-laden foot, Marlon Brando’s.

Marlon Brando: I got my acting start in New York.. oh, that’s nice, Larry.

Larry King: Alright.

Marlon Brando: [ joyfully ] Oh, that’s good! You see.. Larry, acting is be.. believing.. Oh.. oh, that’s good..

Larry King: But why acting, Marlon?

Marlon Brando: Well, you know.. I want you to try one of these cookies – here. [ offers cookie to Larry, who’s shy to accept ] No, no, no.. go ahead, try one. [ Larry takes a cookie ] And don’t lie to me – if you like it, youtell me you liked it.

Larry King: Anything for the great Marlon Brando. [ nibbles cookie ]

Marlon Brando: What do you think?

Larry King: Interesting. Are these also made from the Sereconi plant?

Marlon Brando: [ slyly ] I’m not gonna tell you what it’s made from.

Larry King: [ worried ] Is it something that could make me sick?

Marlon Brando: Perhaps.. perhaps not.

Larry King: [ more worried ] Is it something that cookies are not normally made from?

Marlon Brando: Well.. let’s just say, you know.. maybe what it’s made from will put a cookie-eating grin on your face. [ chuckles ]

Larry King: [ puts cookie down ] Alright, Marlon.. alright. Mr. B., let’s talk about fame – what has it done for you?

Marlon Brando: Well, it’s allowed me a cer-.. a certain lifestyle, you know.. and it’s filled with privileges.

Larry King: Right. You like acting-

Marlon Brando: [ holds up huge baby bonnet ] You know, Larry.. I’d like to see you in this. [ tries to put the bonnet on Larry’s head ]

Larry King: What are you doing, Marlon?

Marlon Brando: Just wear it, Larry..

Larry King: [ struggling ] Come on, Marlon..

Marlon Brando: No, just wear it.

Larry King: What about acting?

Marlon Brando: Alright, go ahead, Larry.. [ finally gets the bonnet nestles on Larry’s head ] There you go, you look good.

Larry King: Alright, Marlon, whatever you say. Alright.

Marlon Brando: It’s a baby bonnet!

Larry King: [ embarrassed ] Yeah.. I know it is. [ trying to regain control ] Has fame made you happy?

Marlon Brando: Yes.. I’m happy, Larry. But how about you?

Larry King: I’m very happy!

Marlon Brando: Well, you don’t look so happy.. you look sad.

Larry King: I assure you, with great acting legend Marlon Brando on my show, I am very happy. [ to camera ] If you’re just joining us: the book, “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; our guest, the incomparable Marl- [ Marlon leans in to draw a smiley face on Larry’s mouth with a magic marker ] Alright, Marlon.. alright, Marlon.. alright.. anything for Marlon. Now I’m happy.. now I’m happy.. alright: the book, “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; the cookie, probably excrement; the bonnet, a gift; the smile, Magic Marker. We’ll be taking calls.

Marlon Brando: [ a proud artist ] Ha! Now Larry is happy!

Larry King: Alright, Marlon. Tomorrow night, Jerry Van Dyke and Tori Spelling. Holy Oak, Massachusetts! Hello!

Caller: Hello, Larry. Uh, Mr. Brando, I just want to say, I loved you in “On The Waterfront”.

Marlon Brando: Oh, thank you..

Caller: It’s my favorite movie! Uh.. my question is: could you make larry drop his pants?

Larry King: [ nervous laughter ]

Marlon Brando: Sure. Larry, drop your drawers.

Larry King: [ nervous laughter ] Let’s take some more calls!

Marlon Brando: No, no, why are you avoiding the issue, Larry? Drop your drawers for the man.

Larry King: [ stands ] Alright.. anything for the great Marlon Brando.

Marlon Brando: Let’s go.

Larry King: The man has won two Oscars, ladies and gentlemen. [ fully removes his pants, then sits ] Alright. Alright, Marlon, really quick: in your whole career, who have you had the most fun working with?

Marlon Brando: You, Larry! This is the most.. fun I’ve ever had in my life!

Larry King: Marlon’s being very flattering right now. [ Marlon tosses the cookies at Larry’s face ] Alright, Marlon.. come on, now.. come on, Marlon! Come on, now, let’s.. the great Marlon Brando, ladies and gentlemen..

Marlon Brando: Do you-

Larry King: Unfortunately, we are out of time right now.

Marlon Brando: Do you remember that song, Larry, “Got A Date..” [ singing ] “I’ve got a date with an angel..”

Larry King: Sure! Sure! Waller and Tunbridge..

Marlon Brando: Get on all fours!

Larry King: We’ve gotta go now..

Marlon Brando: Come on! Get on all fours!

Larry King: Alright, Marlon.. The Godfather has spoken. [ gets on all fours and lets Marlon ride him ] Alright.

Marlon Brando: That’s it! [ singing ] “I’ve got a date with an angel.. I’ve got a date with an angel..”

Larry King: The book is “Songs My Mother Taught Me”; the man riding me, Marlon Brando..

Marlon Brando: Are you happy, Larry?

Larry King: [ weary ] Very happy!

Marlon Brando: You look sad – tell your face that you’re happy.

Larry King: Tomorrow night: Jerry Van Dyke and Tori Spelling. Arrividerci!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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