“Office Space”, Part 3


“Office Space”, Part 3


[ show Milton sitting behind desk in what is now being used as his office ]

Milton: Mmm.. well.. f-first of all, they had no right to move me next down here, ‘cuz.. this area’s only supposed to be for storage. M-mmm.. those cabinets are blocking the cold air return.. and.. and it’s a health hazard. Mmm.. so.. if they don’t comply with the regulations, I could make one phone call, and have this entire building condemned. And.. and I could have Bill arrested.

[ sound of Bill’s footsteps in the hall, until he appears in doorway holding onto his trustedcup of coffee ]

Bill: Ah. Hello, Milton, what’s happening? Uh.. we’ve got kind of a problem. apparently, someone saw a cockroach up by the water cooler.. uh-yeahhh.. and the feeling is that they’re coming from down here.

Milton: Mmm.. w-well.. b-but my area is clean..

Bill: Yyyeahhh.. so, they’re gonna have to go ahead and spray in here.

Milton: W-well.. b-but.. Ray’s area up in Accounts Payable is filthy! An-and.. I saw mouse feces under his desk!

Bill: Yeahhh.. they’re definitely coming from in here. So, if you could just make a conscious effort to keep it clean down here, that would be great. Mmmkay? And the exterminator should be here any minute.

Milton: Mmm.. well.. R-ray always eats lunch at his desk, and.. and he spills crumbs on the floor. So..

Bill: And, uh.. one other thing. Technically, we’re not supposed to have anyone working down here. I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem, but, if anyone asks, just tell them you’re down here getting something, mmmkay?

Milton: Well.. but.. I would prefer not-

[ Exterminator papears in doorway behind Bill ]

Bill: Hiii, what’s happening? So, uh.. we’re all set here.. so, why don’t you just go ahead and spray?

Exterminator: Well, uh.. I could spray, but if you really want these things knocked out, uh.. why not just use a roach bomb? Since this is just dead storage down here.

Bill: Yyyeahhhh.. that would be terrific.

Milton: Um.. well..

Exterminator: I’ll go ahead and use the D-50 here. It’s the most powerful insecticide bomb they make. [ tosses roach bomb into the storage area, as fumes encompass an overlooked Milton ]

Bill: Yyyeahhhh.. that’s greeeatt.

Milton: Mmm..

Exterminator: Just make sure no one goes in here for about.. four or five days.

Bill: Grrreatt. Thanks a bunch. Buh-bye.

[ Bill and Exterminator exit down hall, leaving Milton surrounded by thick fumes ]

Milton: Well.. Okay, but.. as soon as I get done alphabetizing my purchase orders.. I’m gonna.. I’m gonna set the building on fire.

[ end ]

SNL Transcripts

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