“Office Space”, Part 3


“Office Space”, Part 3


[ show Milton sitting behind desk in what is now being used as his office ]

Milton: Mmm.. well.. f-first of all, they had no right to move me next down here, ‘cuz.. this area’s only supposed to be for storage. M-mmm.. those cabinets are blocking the cold air return.. and.. and it’s a health hazard. Mmm.. so.. if they don’t comply with the regulations, I could make one phone call, and have this entire building condemned. And.. and I could have Bill arrested.

[ sound of Bill’s footsteps in the hall, until he appears in doorway holding onto his trustedcup of coffee ]

Bill: Ah. Hello, Milton, what’s happening? Uh.. we’ve got kind of a problem. apparently, someone saw a cockroach up by the water cooler.. uh-yeahhh.. and the feeling is that they’re coming from down here.

Milton: Mmm.. w-well.. b-but my area is clean..

Bill: Yyyeahhh.. so, they’re gonna have to go ahead and spray in here.

Milton: W-well.. b-but.. Ray’s area up in Accounts Payable is filthy! An-and.. I saw mouse feces under his desk!

Bill: Yeahhh.. they’re definitely coming from in here. So, if you could just make a conscious effort to keep it clean down here, that would be great. Mmmkay? And the exterminator should be here any minute.

Milton: Mmm.. well.. R-ray always eats lunch at his desk, and.. and he spills crumbs on the floor. So..

Bill: And, uh.. one other thing. Technically, we’re not supposed to have anyone working down here. I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem, but, if anyone asks, just tell them you’re down here getting something, mmmkay?

Milton: Well.. but.. I would prefer not-

[ Exterminator papears in doorway behind Bill ]

Bill: Hiii, what’s happening? So, uh.. we’re all set here.. so, why don’t you just go ahead and spray?

Exterminator: Well, uh.. I could spray, but if you really want these things knocked out, uh.. why not just use a roach bomb? Since this is just dead storage down here.

Bill: Yyyeahhhh.. that would be terrific.

Milton: Um.. well..

Exterminator: I’ll go ahead and use the D-50 here. It’s the most powerful insecticide bomb they make. [ tosses roach bomb into the storage area, as fumes encompass an overlooked Milton ]

Bill: Yyyeahhhh.. that’s greeeatt.

Milton: Mmm..

Exterminator: Just make sure no one goes in here for about.. four or five days.

Bill: Grrreatt. Thanks a bunch. Buh-bye.

[ Bill and Exterminator exit down hall, leaving Milton surrounded by thick fumes ]

Milton: Well.. Okay, but.. as soon as I get done alphabetizing my purchase orders.. I’m gonna.. I’m gonna set the building on fire.

[ end ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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