Good Morning Brooklyn


Good Morning Brooklyn

Angela Tucci…..Sarah Jessica Parker
James Barone…..Jay Mohr
Maria…..Janene Garafalo
Ant’ny…..Michael McKean
Angelo…..Adam Sandler
Richard Diller…..Chris Farley

Angela Tucci: Hello! And welcome to “Good Morning Brooklyn”! I’m Angela Tucci! Wit’ me as always, is James Barone!

James Barone: Alright. Good morning, Brooklyn. How are ya, huh?! [ audience applauds wildly ] Yeah!

Angela Tucci: Hey, James! How ya’ doin’?

James Barone: Hey, you know I’m doin’ a’ight!

Angela Tucci: You doin’ alright?

James Barone: I just said I’m doin’ a’ight! Fuggidaboutit now!

Angela Tucci: Hey, what are you on drugs, talkin’ to me like that?!

James Barone: I’m sorry! Come on!

Angela Tucci: Ah, fuggidaboutit!

James Barone: Alright..

Angela Tucci: Alright, Brooklyn.. now’s the time on the show when we go down to the street and see what’s botherin’ ya’s. We got Maria on 33rd Ave. Maria, how are ya’?

[ cut to Maria standing in front of a grafittied brick wall on 33rd Ave. ]

Maria: Yeah, how you guys doin’? Listen.. I used to work down at 31 Flavors, and my boss fired me ’cause he said my hair and nails was a health code violation. What am I supposed to do?!

James Barone: Heyyyyy, Maria.. I’ll tell ya’ what to do, a’ight? Relax! ‘Cause yor boss is a real stukach!

Angela Tucci: A marmalute!

James Barone: The guy’s a jomoke!

Angela Tucci: A hump!

James Barone: Heyyyyy, what’s this guy wantcha to be – bald?!

Together: Fuggidaboutit!!

Angela Tucci: And, Maria, because we used your question.. you win a free day of beauty at Connie De Padesta’s House Of Class!

James Barone: That’s right! A’ight, for all of you’s goin’ to work this mornin’, let’s talk to Ant’ny with the traffic report. Ant’ny, how are ya!

[ camera shifts to Ant’ny standing at the city map, just to Angela and James’ right ]

Ant’ny: Hey, I’m doin’ alright. I ain’t the doo-doo-do’s gotta drive to work this mornin’. Oh, it is bad!

James Barone: Oh, a’ight, how ’bout the Brooklyn-Queens Tunnel?

Ant’ny: Fuggidaboutit!

James Barone: Manhatten Bridge?

Ant’ny: Fuggidaboutit!

James Barone: Long Island Expressway?

Ant’ny: Fuggidaboutit!

James Barone: 59th Street Bridge?

Ant’ny: Fuggidaboutit!

James Barone: How ’bout the Williamsburg Bridge?

Ant’ny: Fuggidaboutit!

Angela Tucci: So, Ant’ny.. you’re sayin’ the traffic conditions goin’ into Manhatten are bad this mornin’?

Ant’ny: You do what you gotta do, I ain’t sayin’ nothin’!

James Barone: That’s right. That’s right. A’ight, Ant’ny, thank you. Now.. we’re gonna bring out a few guests now on “Good Morning Brooklyn!” Nobody, you know, famous or nothin’ like that.. just, you know, someone from the neighborhood.

Angela Tucci: Today’s first guest is an old friend of ours who started an acting career.

James Barone: Oh, that’s right, Angela. And he’s doin’ awesome! Last year, he got his big break when he appeared in “Sleepless In Seattle”. So, would you please welcome.. Angelo!

[ Angelo enters through the front door, looking back into the street to an unseen instigator ]

Angelo: No, you move YOUR car!! [ closes the door and sits to James’ left ] What’s up, James? You doin’ a’ight? How ya doin’, Angela?Angela Tucci: Angelo.. I understand you brought a clip from your movie. Why don’t you set it up!

Angelo: [ disinterested ] I don’t know.. Tom Hanks played this hump.. he, like, goes to New York to find this broad, or something.. I don’t know what the hell it’s about.

James Barone: Okay.. okay. Okay, Brooklyn, here’s our friend Angelo in “Sleepless In Seattle”!

[ dissolve to a clip of a helicopter camera circling outward atop the Empire State Building, dissolve back to the studio ]

James Barone: Aw, geez! Unbelievable! Look, Angelo, that was so awesome, man! [ leans close to Angelo ] Hey, listen, man: not for nothin’, but uh.. Meg Ryan’s in that movie, right?

Angelo: Yeah.

James Barone: Did you bang that broad, or what?

Angelo: What do you think?

James Barone: [ laughs ]

Angela Tucci: [ interrupting ] What are you guys talkin’ about?

James Barone: Nothin’! Shut up!

Angela Tucci: Hey! YOU shut up!!

James Barone: Hey! [ a beat ] That hurts me, Angela. [ leans back over Angelo ] I’m serious.. did you bone this broad, or what?

Angelo: Why? You wanna bang her, or something?

James Barone: [ offended ] What?! You gotta be a real jerk askin’ me something like that on my own show!

Angelo: Sorry..

James Barone: You know I’m goin’ out with Gina!

Angelo: Sorry..

James Barone: Get outta here! Fuggidaboutit! Get outta here now, before I give you a beatin’! Go, you mutt!

Angelo: [ stands and makes his way for the door, pointing back at James ] You think you’re so great, James! [ quick beat ] But you’re not! [ exits ]

Angela Tucci: That was Brooklyn actor Angelo! Remember that name, he’s gonna be big!

James Barone: He’s also gonna be dead. [ changes the subject ] Our next gust is new to Flatbush. He just moved here from Rockford, Illinoise.

Angela Tucci: He’s opened a karate school on Labonia Avenue. Please welcome Richard Diller!

[ Richard Diller enters through the front door, dressed in karate togs ]

Richard Diller: [ enthusiastic ] Hi, everybody! [ sits down next to James ]

Angela Tucci: Hi, Richard. I understand that anyone who joins your karate school.. gets a month of lessons for free! Is that true?

Richard Diller: [ happy ] Yes, it is, Angela!

James Barone: [ stunned ] Wo-ho-ho! What are you’s doin’, pal?! You ain’t gonna make no money like that!

Angela Tucci: Shut your mouth! I think it’s a nice gesture!

Richard Diller: Well, thank you, Angela! And, if you’ll just step over here, I’d like to give you a lesson right now! How do you like them apples?

Angela Tucci: Oh, Richard, that’s so nice! [ grabs her purse, and stands ]

James Barone: Whoa-ho-ho, where you goin’ now? You don’t know this guy-

Angela Tucci: Hey, what’s the matter with you? It’s a free lesson! Get off of me!

James Barone: Alright.. hey, do me a favor – go! I want you to go!

Angela Tucci: I’m go-ing!


[ Angela stands next to Richard, as he demonstrates being a mugger going for her purse ]

Richard Diller: Okay, Angela, I’m a mugger, and I’m reaching for your purse, and-

Angela Tucci: Hey! [ knees Richard in the groin, dropping him to the floor ]

Richard Diller: That’s not KARATE, you kneed me in the GROIN!!

Angela Tucci: Get outta here, you MUTT!!

[ Richard flees the studio ]

Angela Tucci: He grabbed for my purse!

James Barone: Grabbed your purse?!

Angela Tucci: Yeah!

James Barone: I’ll grab his ass!

Angela Tucci: Ah, fuggidaboutit! I took care of him!

James Barone: Alright, come on, what happened over there?

Angela Tucci: I said fuggidaboutit!

James Barone: A’ight.. A’ight, that’s all the time we have today on “Good Morning Brooklyn!” Thanks for joining us. Join us tomorrow: I get a haircut! Huh! [ laughs, then turns back to Angela ] Come on, what happened over there?

Angela Tucci: Fuggidaboutit!

Voiceover: Angela Tucci’s hair and make-up by Connie De Padesta’s House of Class.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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