Nice & Naughty Guitarists


Nice & Naughty Guitarists

…..Sarah Jessica Parker
…..Michael McKean
…..Adam Sandler
Stacks…..Tim Meadows

Sarah Jessica Parker: [ addressing the audience directly ] This is a song about love, and what it means to me.

[ Michael McKean appears on acoustic guitar, playing a soft romantic melody ]

Michael McKean: [ singing ]Giiiiirl
We’ve been together for so looooong
Our love’s so very, very strooooong
I’m so glad you’re mi-i-iiiine.

Sarah Jessica Parker: [ singing ] Iiiiiii’d..

Together: [ singing ]I’d do anything for yoooooou
I’ll always be your true bluuuuuue
We’re forever in loooooove

Michael McKean: [ singing ]Love is sharing
Knowing someone’s caring, for yooooou.

Sarah Jessica Parker: [ singing ]Tonight, you have to go away
Though it’s only for a day
It’s a hard.. thing.. to doooo.

Michael McKean: [ singing ] But my heart will be with yoooou.

[ Michael steps back, as Adam Sandler steps in to a hard-rocking beat ]

Adam Sandler: [ singing ]You call me about 8:30!
Said he’s gone, and you’re feeling dirty!
You are like a monkey in heat!
I’d better bump it to the sugar sweet!

I’m gonna give it to ya good!

Sarah Jessica Parker: You gotta give it to me good!

Adam Sandler: I’m gonna give you the wood!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Yeah, your wood’s real good!

Adam Sandler: I said, Oh yeah!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Oh, yeah!

Adam Sandler: I said, Uh huh!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Uh huh!

Adam Sandler: I said it’s gonna feel all right!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Yeah, do me all night!

[ Adam backs off, as michael steps back in with a softer beat ]

Michael McKean: [ singing ]Oh, Iiiiii..
I picked a flower for yoooou
A daisy kissed by morning dewwwww
How I cherish your looove

I’m going to the store
I’m walking through the door
But I’ll be back before you knoooooow

Sarah Jessica Parker: [ singing ]Don’t be away too long
I’ll try hard, to stay strong
For I know.. our love.. will grooooow.

Michael McKean: I know my love, I knoooow.

[ Michael steps back again, as Adam Sandler steps back in to a hard-rocking beat ]

Adam Sandler: [ singing ]Now he’s just walked out the door!
So I’m coming back for more!
You’re screaming, “Give it to me quick!”
I’m dreamin’ on the floor
That you’re lyin’ there more!
‘Cause I’m the one they call Daddy Long-Sneaker!

I said Hell, yeah!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Hell, yeah!

Adam Sandler: I said, Rock me, baby!

Sarah Jessica Parker: I’m rockin’ you, baby!

Adam Sandler: Just give me five or ten!

Sarah Jessica Parker: And we’ll do it again!

[ Adam backs off, as Michael steps back in with a softer beat ]

Michael McKean: [ singing ]Thoughts of yoooou
Always fill my heeeeeead
Even though you don’t share my beeeeed
Soon we’ll be together as oooooone

Together: [ singing ]Iiiiiiiii
I don’t mind waaai-ting.
‘Cause we’re both ant-i-ci-pat-ing
Our lovely wedding day.

[ Michael steps back again, as Adam Sandler steps back in to a hard-rocking beat ]

Adam Sandler: [ singing ]Well, I love it when you talk!
Dirty to me with your legs wrapped around my back!

Now, I’d like to introduce ya to someone I know!
A guy who works at Midas, name’s “Stacks”!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Will he give it to me good?

Adam Sandler: He’s gonna give it to ya good!

Stacks: I’m gonna give ya the wood!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Yeah, like a good boy should!

Adam Sandler: I said, Uh-huh!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Uh-huh!

Adam Sandler: I said it’s real good stuff!

Sarah Jessica Parker: I can’t get enough!

[ Michael steps into the action ]

Michael McKean: What the hell’s goin’ on?!

Sarah Jessica Parker: I thought you were gone?!

Michael McKean: What do you two jerks have to say?!

[ a beat ]

Adam & Stacks: [ singing ]We were just having fun
Please, put away your gun..

All: I guess there’ll be no weddiiiing.. daaaaay…

[ guitar licks to fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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