Sarah Jessica Parker’s Monologue


Sarah Jessica Parker’s Monologue

…..Sarah Jessica Parker
…..Mike Myers
…..David Spade

Sarah Jessica Parker: It is really.. it is really, really great to be here, hosting “Saturday Night Live”! I grew up here in New York City, and this has just been the greatest.. best week of- [ stops ] I’m sorry, I’m sorry.. it’s not true. This has.. this has not been a great week. Um.. for the last several months, I was working every day on Gov. Mario Cuomo’s re-election campaign.. and, uh.. as oyu know, last Tuesday, he lost.. so, uh.. so, tonight, there’s something that I’d like to say to him. It’s something that I learned back when I was playing Annie on Broadway. [ cue piano in background ] So, uh.. Mario? Mr. Cuomo? If you’re watching, this is for you.. and for all the other hundreds of Democratic losers out there.

Mario.. the sun will come out tomorrow
Mario Cuomo.. forget about Pataki and..

[ singing ]

Bet your bottom dollar that.. tomorroooowThere’ll be sun – in ’96..

[ spoken ] Or, you know, you could get a job in the private sector. I don’t know.. maybe Baseball Commissioner, or something?

[ singing ] Just.. thinking about.. tomorrow

[ spoken ] ..Ann Richards and Tom Foley.

[ singing ] Clears away the cobwebs.. and the sorrow

[ spoken ] ..of Jesse Helms, Chair & Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

[ singing ] ‘Til there’s.. none..

[ spoken ] And you, too, President Clinton! I want you to remember this!

[ singing ]When I’m stuck with a day. that’s grey.. and Newt Gingrich
I just stick up my chin.. and grin.. and say..

[ spoken ] Oh! I just want to say a quick congratulations to Ted Kennedy for a great win! You really– [ audience cheers ] You pulled it out, you know! You dropped 10 or 15 pounds, and you look fantastic! Your skin looks good, too. So, keep up the good fight!

[ singing ]Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya! Tomrrow..!

[ Mike Myers and David Spade run on stage to interrupt Parker ]

Mike Myers: Sarah! Sarah!

David Spade: Stop singing.

Mike Myers: Yeah.

Sarah Jessica Parker: Wh-what’s wrong?

Mike Myers: Well.. well, you’re singing about the Democrats, and.. basically, we’re all Republican here at the show, and uh.. well.. we’re pretty happy about the victory.

Sarah Jessica Parker: You’re serious? Everyone here is a Republican?

David Spade: Oh, yeah. Very Republican. The cast.. writers.. stagehands.. even Ellen Cleghorne. But, more importantly, we really don’t like the “Annie” song.

Mike Myers: And, uh.. finally, with a Republican congress, that song may be outlawed.

Sarah Jessica Parker: Oh. Wow.. I’m sorry.. Republicans?

David Spade: Oh, yeah.

[ Mike and David exit the stage ]

Sarah Jessica Parker: [ still dumbfounded ] Well, at least Ollie North didn’t win!

[ finishes her song ]

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya.. tomorrow!
It’s only.. a daaay.. a.. waaaaaaayy!

Anyway.. we have got a great show. REM is here! so, stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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