Sarah Jessica Parker’s Monologue

Sarah Jessica Parker’s Monologue

…..Sarah Jessica Parker
…..Mike Myers
…..David Spade

Sarah Jessica Parker: It is really.. it is really, really great to be here, hosting “Saturday Night Live”! I grew up here in New York City, and this has just been the greatest.. best week of- [ stops ] I’m sorry, I’m sorry.. it’s not true. This has.. this has not been a great week. Um.. for the last several months, I was working every day on Gov. Mario Cuomo’s re-election campaign.. and, uh.. as oyu know, last Tuesday, he lost.. so, uh.. so, tonight, there’s something that I’d like to say to him. It’s something that I learned back when I was playing Annie on Broadway. [ cue piano in background ] So, uh.. Mario? Mr. Cuomo? If you’re watching, this is for you.. and for all the other hundreds of Democratic losers out there.

Mario.. the sun will come out tomorrow
Mario Cuomo.. forget about Pataki and..

[ singing ]

Bet your bottom dollar that.. tomorroooowThere’ll be sun – in ’96..

[ spoken ] Or, you know, you could get a job in the private sector. I don’t know.. maybe Baseball Commissioner, or something?

[ singing ] Just.. thinking about.. tomorrow

[ spoken ] ..Ann Richards and Tom Foley.

[ singing ] Clears away the cobwebs.. and the sorrow

[ spoken ] ..of Jesse Helms, Chair & Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

[ singing ] ‘Til there’s.. none..

[ spoken ] And you, too, President Clinton! I want you to remember this!

[ singing ]When I’m stuck with a day. that’s grey.. and Newt Gingrich
I just stick up my chin.. and grin.. and say..

[ spoken ] Oh! I just want to say a quick congratulations to Ted Kennedy for a great win! You really– [ audience cheers ] You pulled it out, you know! You dropped 10 or 15 pounds, and you look fantastic! Your skin looks good, too. So, keep up the good fight!

[ singing ]Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya! Tomrrow..!

[ Mike Myers and David Spade run on stage to interrupt Parker ]

Mike Myers: Sarah! Sarah!

David Spade: Stop singing.

Mike Myers: Yeah.

Sarah Jessica Parker: Wh-what’s wrong?

Mike Myers: Well.. well, you’re singing about the Democrats, and.. basically, we’re all Republican here at the show, and uh.. well.. we’re pretty happy about the victory.

Sarah Jessica Parker: You’re serious? Everyone here is a Republican?

David Spade: Oh, yeah. Very Republican. The cast.. writers.. stagehands.. even Ellen Cleghorne. But, more importantly, we really don’t like the “Annie” song.

Mike Myers: And, uh.. finally, with a Republican congress, that song may be outlawed.

Sarah Jessica Parker: Oh. Wow.. I’m sorry.. Republicans?

David Spade: Oh, yeah.

[ Mike and David exit the stage ]

Sarah Jessica Parker: [ still dumbfounded ] Well, at least Ollie North didn’t win!

[ finishes her song ]

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya.. tomorrow!
It’s only.. a daaay.. a.. waaaaaaayy!

Anyway.. we have got a great show. REM is here! so, stick around, we’ll be right back!

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