Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 20: Episode 6
Dr. Ira Resnick II
Dr. Ira Resnick…..John Turturro
FADE IN:[ PHOTO OF A GLUM JOSH LEVINE (CHRIS ELLIOTT) SMILING CONFIDENT ]
Narrator (V/O): Dr. Josh Levine talks a lot about sterilizing instruments.Dr. Josh Levine says he cares. Then tell us, “Dr. Josh”, why your waitingroom is filled with six-month-old U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORTS? And TELL US”Dr. Josh” —[ PHOTO OF AN ELDERLY RECEPTIONIST. ]
Narrator (V/O): Why your receptionist is over 63-years-old? And finally,”Dr. Josh” —[ PHOTO OF A DENTAL DRILL OPERATING ON A NERVE IN THE MOUTH. ]
Narrator (V/O): Why you don’t use Novocaine?[ SOUND EFFECT OF A DRILL OPERATING. ]
Narrator (V/O): Come on, Dr. Josh! Don’t you think your patients deserve better?[ SOUND EFFECT OF A WOMAN SCREAMING OVER AND OVER. ]
INT. DENTIST OFFICE – DAY[ Dr. Ira Resnick stands next to his dental hygienist GLORIA. ]
Dr. Resnick: Hello! Dr. Ira Resnick here — telling Bronxville about mynewly decorated waiting room with the newest magazines and a fish tankwith REAL tropical fish and a 23-year-old hygienist. Isn’t that right, Gloria?
Gloria: That’s right, Dr. Resnick!
Dr. Resnick: Why do I do it? The same reason I use Novocaine — for you!![ Dr. Resnick points at the camera. ] [ SUPER: DR. IRA RESNICK. HE USES NOVOCAINE. ]
Narrator (V/O): Dr. Ira Resnick. He uses Novocaine.
Dr. Resnick: And remember — I won’t feel you up when you’re unconscious![ SUPER: AND HE WON’T FEEL YOU UP WHEN YOU’RE UNCONSCIOUS. ]
Narrator (V/O): And he won’t feel you up when you’re unconscious.
Submitted by: Cody Downs