Funny Strange


Funny Strange

Customer #1…..Janene Garafalo
Lyle…..Chris Elliot
Customer #2…..Kevin Nealon
Customer #3…..Chris Farley
Laslo…..Chris Elliot
…..Kevin Nealon
Kevin Nealon’s Twin…..Kevin Nealon

[ open on exterior, Funny Strange shop ] [ dissolve to interior, as shopowner Lyle approaches a customer ]

Lyle: Hi! Can I help you?

Customer #1: Yeah, do you have any of that gag gum that squirts black goo in your mouth?

Lyle: Uh.. no.. no, we don’t sell any of that here.

Customer #1: [ protesting ] Yeah, but this is supposed to be a joke shop!

Lyle: No, no.. uh.. the name of this store is Funny Strange. We sell funny strange items. Like, uh.. well, like, this can of beer right here. [ laughs as he picks up the can ] Now, this can of beer has never been open.. but it’s completely empty! [ laughs at the joy of his work ] That’s funny! Funny strange.

Customer #1: Yeah, well.. do you know where I can get some of that goo gum?

Lyle: [ hesitant about losing another sale ] Yes.. there’s another store called.. Funny Ha Ha.

Customer #1: Okay, where’s that?

Lyle: Well.. you go out, you go south about half a block – it’s on your left, you can’t miss it.

Customer #1: Thanks! [ exits the shop ]

Lyle: Okay.. sure.. [ his disappoint difficult to hide ] [ a Second Customer enters the shop, perking up Lyle ]

Lyle: Hi! Can I help you?

Customer #2: Yeah! I’m looking for a pair of those chattering teeth.

Lyle: Uh.. yes..

Customer #2: You know, you wind them up and they chatter and they hop around?

Lyle: Right. No, I know what you’re talking about.. Uh.. we don’t have those, but I.. I have something better – come over here. [ leads the way to an item he believes to be better than chattering teeth ] I have a fish with human teeth!

Customer #2: [ not sure how to react to such a strange, not particularly funny, item ] Aha.. you don’t have the chattering teeth? The kind you wind up and they hop up and down, you know..?

Lyle: Noo.. no. You see, the concept of this store is Funny Strange. We sell funny strange things.

Customer #2: [ understanding.. ] Ahh.. [ ..but still disappointed ] Then, wh-where could I get, uh.. buy a pair of these chattering teeth?

Lyle: Well, there’s a store called Funny Ha Ha.

Customer #2: Oh. Is that far from here?

Lyle: No, you just go out, uh.. south, about half a block – there’s a big clown in the window.. you can’t miss it..

Customer #2: [ laughing ] Clown in the window! That’s.. that’s funny!

Lyle: [ disappointed ] Yeah..

Customer #2: Okay, thanks! [ exits the shop ]

Lyle: Sure.

[ a third customer enters the shop ]

Lyle: Hi! Can I help you?

Customer #3: [ excited to be where he’s at ] Yeah! I’m looking for that, uh.. plastic puke! [ laughs at the excitement of buying some of it ]

Lyle: Uh-huh..

Customer #3: You know, the kind you put on the ground, and you pretend you just threw up! And people see the platic puke and think it’s real!

Lyle: I know, I know, I know.. I know what you’re talking about.. you know, I don’t have any of that – but the closest thing I have here, though, is this insect vomit. [ shows his customer the strange item ] If you want to look at it like that..

Customer #3: [ not what he wanted ] Uhh.. yeah. you don’t have any plastic puke, would you? With chunks in it?

Lyle: No. We.. only sell.. funny strange things in this store. You can look around.

Customer #3: Well.. plastic puke is pretty strange, if you aks me.

Lyle: Plastic puke is not strange.

Customer #3: Well, yes it is. I beg to differ.

Lyle: [ sighs ] Plastic puke is Funny Ha Hanot Funny Strange.

Customer #3: [ confused ] Well, what’s Funny Strange, then?

Lyle: Well, my friend, I’ll show you! Funny Strange, right over here. [ leads his customer to a display ] It’s like, it’s.. it’s a two-headed lamb – it’s Funny Strange! Or, uh.. or, a birthmark that looks like Italy! [ laughs ] That’s.. that’s Funny Strange!

Customer #3: Ohhh. Then, you don’t have any plastic puke, then?

Lyle: [ hits his hand on the counter ] No! I have no plastic puke. I have no chattering teeth.. I have no pepper gum.. and I don’t have the famous Laugh Bag! Okay?

Customer #3: Okay. Do you know where I could, uh-

Lyle: [ exasperated ] Yeah, down the block – half a block on your left, big clown, can’t miss it.. that way!

[ Customer #3 exits the shop ]

Lyle: [ down on himself ] Sheesh! Another wonderful day in the store..

[ cut to the front door, as twin brother Laslo enters the shop ]

Laslo: Hello, Lyle. How’s business?

Lyle: If you’ve come to gloat.. get out!

Laslo: [ smarmy ] Oh, don’t be like that, Brother! I just stopped by to show you one of the items that’s selling like hotcakes down at my store! [ holds out a pair of Funny Ha Ha chattering teeth ] You know my store, don’t you? Funny.. Ha Ha!

Lyle: [ with clenched teeth ] I warn you, Laslo.. get out of my store.. I have no patience for you today..

Laslo: Why? Is it because, when you look at me, you see yourself – the success you might have been?

Lyle: Las-looo.. I warn you.. I warn you – get out, or I’ll-

Laslo: [ interrupting ] Or what, Lyle? You’ll go out of business? [ laughs hysterically ]

Lyle: Okay, that’s it.. that’s it! Mr. Funny HA HA!! That’s IT!!

[ a scuffle ensues, as Lyle kills his brother in a maniacal rage ] [ the camera pans over to the chattering teeth bouncing across the counter ] [ dissolve to Kevin Nealon, standing alone ]

Kevin Nealon: Hi, I’m Kevin Nealon. You may think the ending to this sketch was disturbing. But we prefer to think it was funny – funny strange.

Kevin Nealon’s Twin: You mean.. funny ha ha.

[ together, they both laugh at the inanity of the joke ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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