Customer #1…..Janene Garafalo
Customer #2…..Kevin Nealon
Customer #3…..Chris Farley
Kevin Nealon’s Twin…..Kevin Nealon
[ open on exterior, Funny Strange shop ]
[ dissolve to interior, as shopowner Lyle approaches a customer ]
Lyle: Hi! Can I help you?
Customer #1: Yeah, do you have any of that gag gum that squirts black goo in your mouth?
Lyle: Uh.. no.. no, we don’t sell any of that here.
Customer #1: [ protesting ] Yeah, but this is supposed to be a joke shop!
Lyle: No, no.. uh.. the name of this store is Funny Strange. We sell funny strange items. Like, uh.. well, like, this can of beer right here. [ laughs as he picks up the can ] Now, this can of beer has never been open.. but it’s completely empty! [ laughs at the joy of his work ] That’s funny! Funny strange.
Customer #1: Yeah, well.. do you know where I can get some of that goo gum?
Lyle: [ hesitant about losing another sale ] Yes.. there’s another store called.. Funny Ha Ha.
Customer #1: Okay, where’s that?
Lyle: Well.. you go out, you go south about half a block – it’s on your left, you can’t miss it.
Customer #1: Thanks! [ exits the shop ]
Lyle: Okay.. sure.. [ his disappoint difficult to hide ]
[ a Second Customer enters the shop, perking up Lyle ]
Lyle: Hi! Can I help you?
Customer #2: Yeah! I’m looking for a pair of those chattering teeth.
Lyle: Uh.. yes..
Customer #2: You know, you wind them up and they chatter and they hop around?
Lyle: Right. No, I know what you’re talking about.. Uh.. we don’t have those, but I.. I have something better – come over here. [ leads the way to an item he believes to be better than chattering teeth ] I have a fish with human teeth!
Customer #2: [ not sure how to react to such a strange, not particularly funny, item ] Aha.. you don’t have the chattering teeth? The kind you wind up and they hop up and down, you know..?
Lyle: Noo.. no. You see, the concept of this store is Funny Strange. We sell funny strange things.
Customer #2: [ understanding.. ] Ahh.. [ ..but still disappointed ] Then, wh-where could I get, uh.. buy a pair of these chattering teeth?
Lyle: Well, there’s a store called Funny Ha Ha.
Customer #2: Oh. Is that far from here?
Lyle: No, you just go out, uh.. south, about half a block – there’s a big clown in the window.. you can’t miss it..
Customer #2: [ laughing ] Clown in the window! That’s.. that’s funny!
Lyle: [ disappointed ] Yeah..
Customer #2: Okay, thanks! [ exits the shop ]
[ a third customer enters the shop ]
Lyle: Hi! Can I help you?
Customer #3: [ excited to be where he’s at ] Yeah! I’m looking for that, uh.. plastic puke! [ laughs at the excitement of buying some of it ]
Customer #3: You know, the kind you put on the ground, and you pretend you just threw up! And people see the platic puke and think it’s real!
Lyle: I know, I know, I know.. I know what you’re talking about.. you know, I don’t have any of that – but the closest thing I have here, though, is this insect vomit. [ shows his customer the strange item ] If you want to look at it like that..
Customer #3: [ not what he wanted ] Uhh.. yeah. you don’t have any plastic puke, would you? With chunks in it?
Lyle: No. We.. only sell.. funny strange things in this store. You can look around.
Customer #3: Well.. plastic puke is pretty strange, if you aks me.
Lyle: Plastic puke is not strange.
Customer #3: Well, yes it is. I beg to differ.
Lyle: [ sighs ] Plastic puke is Funny Ha Ha – not Funny Strange.
Customer #3: [ confused ] Well, what’s Funny Strange, then?
Lyle: Well, my friend, I’ll show you! Funny Strange, right over here. [ leads his customer to a display ] It’s like, it’s.. it’s a two-headed lamb – it’s Funny Strange! Or, uh.. or, a birthmark that looks like Italy! [ laughs ] That’s.. that’s Funny Strange!
Customer #3: Ohhh. Then, you don’t have any plastic puke, then?
Lyle: [ hits his hand on the counter ] No! I have no plastic puke. I have no chattering teeth.. I have no pepper gum.. and I don’t have the famous Laugh Bag! Okay?
Customer #3: Okay. Do you know where I could, uh-
Lyle: [ exasperated ] Yeah, down the block – half a block on your left, big clown, can’t miss it.. that way!
[ Customer #3 exits the shop ]
Lyle: [ down on himself ] Sheesh! Another wonderful day in the store..
[ cut to the front door, as twin brother Laslo enters the shop ]
Laslo: Hello, Lyle. How’s business?
Lyle: If you’ve come to gloat.. get out!
Laslo: [ smarmy ] Oh, don’t be like that, Brother! I just stopped by to show you one of the items that’s selling like hotcakes down at my store! [ holds out a pair of Funny Ha Ha chattering teeth ] You know my store, don’t you? Funny.. Ha Ha!
Lyle: [ with clenched teeth ] I warn you, Laslo.. get out of my store.. I have no patience for you today..
Laslo: Why? Is it because, when you look at me, you see yourself – the success you might have been?
Lyle: Las-looo.. I warn you.. I warn you – get out, or I’ll-
Laslo: [ interrupting ] Or what, Lyle? You’ll go out of business? [ laughs hysterically ]
Lyle: Okay, that’s it.. that’s it! Mr. Funny HA HA!! That’s IT!!
[ a scuffle ensues, as Lyle kills his brother in a maniacal rage ]
[ the camera pans over to the chattering teeth bouncing across the counter ]
[ dissolve to Kevin Nealon, standing alone ]
Kevin Nealon: Hi, I’m Kevin Nealon. You may think the ending to this sketch was disturbing. But we prefer to think it was funny – funny strange.
Kevin Nealon’s Twin: You mean.. funny ha ha.
[ together, they both laugh at the inanity of the joke ]
[ fade ]