High Stakes Japanese Game Show


High Stakes Japanese Game Show

Emcee…..Mike Myers
Model…..Laura Kightlinger
Male Contestant…..Alec Baldwin
Female Contestant…..Janene Garofalo
Larry Templeton…..Chris Farley

Emcee: [ opens game show, speaking in Japanese ]

Model: [ banters with Emcee in Japanese ]

Emcee: [ introduces Male Contestant ]

Male Contestant: [ responds ]

Emcee: [ introduces Female Contestant, blows her a kiss ]

Female Contestant: [ responds, waves ]

Emcee: [ in his best English ] Mil-wau-kee.. Wis-con-sin.. Rarry Temperton.

Larry Templeton: [ confused ] I-I-I’m.. sorry.. I don’t speak Japanese.

Emcee: Larry-san! [ rambles Japanese too quick for Larry to interpret ]

Larry Templeton: I-I don’t understand.. There’s been a little mistake..

Emcee: [ continues further, telling a joke in Japanese and laughing ]

Larry Templeton: [ laughing politely ] You see, my wife Mary and I are here on vacation.. It’s a lovely country, everyone’s been great. Anyhoo, the concierge at the hotel said, “Do you wanna go to a game show?” Well..

Emcee: [ interrupts, confusing Larry fufther ]

Larry Templeton: See, I thought she meant see a game show, not be on a game show! Big mistake! Big.. mistake!

Emcee: [ reads question in Japanese ] Nana ju, hiaku, hochi juhotchi? Akira-san?

Male Contestant: Nana ju?

[ buzzer sounds ]

Emcee: Shasira-san?

Female Contestant: Hiaku?

[ buzzer sounds ]

Emcee: Larry-san?

Larry Templeton: Me? I don’t know.. I’m sorry.. Does anybody here speak English? Do you guys speak English? I..

Emcee: Larry-san: nana ju, hiaku, hochi juhotchi.

Larry Templeton: Could I pass? You know what, I pass! Uh..

Emcee: Nana ju, hiaku, hochi.. juhotchi.

Larry Templeton: H-hochi.. ju-hotchi..?

[ Larry wins Y50,000, Emcee cheers ]

Larry Templeton: [ pleased and surprised ] Really! Alright! Well! Hanuka! Hanuka! [ laughs ]

Emcee: [ reads next question ] Kagamoosha, dokie dokie, ka, Godzilla. Tick-tock tick-tock..

Larry Templeton: I-I-I’m sorry.. kas-mooch?

Emcee: Kagamoosha, dokie dokie, ka, Godzilla.

Larry Templeton: Ah. [ writes his answer ]

[ timer goes off ]

Emcee: Akira-san!

Male Contestant: Kagamoosha!

[ his answer wrong, Male Contestant places his hand on a napkin and slices it off with a knife ]

Larry Templeton: [ disturbed ] OH, MY GOD!! DO YOU SEE THAT?!!

[ Emcee laughs, moves on to Female Contestant ]

Emcee: Shasira-san!

Female Contestant: Kagamoosha?

[ her answer wrong, Female Contestant complies with game show rules and slices her hand off as well ]

Larry Templeton: GOOD LORD!! In the name of all that’s sacred!!

Emcee: Larry-san? [ reaches for answer ]

Larry Templeton: [ pulls answer away, shaking ] You know what? I shouldn’t be here..!

Emcee: Larry-san! [ grabs answer and pulls it from Larry, reading it ] Godzilla? Godzilla.

[ buzzer sounds; Larry’s answer is correct, he wins Y200,000 ]

Larry Templeton: Really! That was great, thank you very much! 200,000 Yen! how much is that in dollars? [ laughs ] [ Larry is led to the Bonus Round, which consists of an electrical device that is attached via jumper cables to Larry’s pants ]

Larry Templeton: Hey, excuse me, I won. What the heck are you doing here? Just a second here.. [ Emcee laughs ] MOTHER OF MERCY, I DON’T SPEAK JAPANESE!! [ Emcee prepares to ask question ] MARY, CALL THE AMERICAN EMBASSY!! [ Emcee asks question ] I DON’T KNOW!!! [ Emcee prepares to pull electrical switch ] NO, WAIT!! WAIT!! I know it, I know it!! [ nervous ] Uh.. Kwa-.. ki-.. sur-.. pi-.. ne-.. ku..?

Emcee: Kwakisurpineku?

Larry Templeton: [ confident ] Yes! Kwakisurpineku! [ laughs ]

Emcee: Hunji! Does it count!

[ judges shake heads no ]

Larry Templeton: [ elated ] Kwakisurpineku! Kwakisurpineku!

[ gong sounds ]

Emcee: Ohhhh.. Kwa-ki-sur-pi-pi-ku! [ pulls electrical switch, shocking Larry ]

Larry Templeton: AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!

[ Emcee and Model wave goodbye as game show ends ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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