SNL Transcripts: Jeff Daniels: 01/14/95: Film Beat


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 20: Episode 10

94j: Jeff Daniels / Luscious Jackson

Film Beat

Ted Davis…..Chris Elliot
…..Jeff Daniels
Mark’s Voice…..Michael McKean

Caption: FILM BEAT

[Opens with Ted and Jeff sitting in directors chairswith a TV screen behind them. Two rows of black andwhite pictures of Jeff Daniels performances from hismovies are on the set]

Ted Davis: Hi and welcome to Film Beat. I’m Ted Davis.No relation to Betty. Ha,ha,ha. And with me today isJeff Daniels. A very versatile actor now starring withJim Carrey in the hit comedy “Dumb and Dumber”. Whichone were you? He, he, he…

Jeff Daniels: Well, I mean there wasn’t really much…

Ted Davis: No, no, no, that was the title, right?

Jeff Daniels: Right.

Ted Davis: But I got ya’.

Jeff Daniels: You did, you did. Yep.

Ted Davis: Well, I think we have a clip from “Dumb andDumber”. Is that all cued up, Mark?

Mark: [off camera]Oh, yeah.

Ted Davis: Ok, great. So let’s take a look.”Dumb and Dumber”

[Cut to the scene in Dumb and Dumber were Jeffcharacter is panting and grunting in the bathroom,taking his pants and underwear off in a hurry andtaking a thunderous dump. His face contorts andflatulence and diarrhea sounds are heard. His facechanges to comfort and with a towel he fans out thewindow the unholy smell of his crap] [Back to studio]

Ted Davis:[laughs]That is funny stuff. Very funny, Jeff.[pats Jeff leg]

Jeff Daniels:[amused but a little embarrassed] Yeah, well, not one of my proudest moments.

Ted Davis: Of course not.

Jeff Daniels: Hey, it was a nice change of pace.

Ted Davis: Sure. No, absolutely. Now look, let me askyou something. Last summer you starred in the big action hit “Speed”.

Jeff Daniels: Mm-mmm.

Ted Davis: Tell us about that one.

Jeff Daniels: Oh, right. Well, I play an explosivesexpert and Keanu Reeves is my partner and he’s in abus with a bomb and I’m trying to figure out a way tokeep it from blowing up.

Ted Davis: Wow. Ok, well I think we have a clip ofthat. Let’s take a look.

[They turn to look at the screen again. The same clipof Dumb and Dumber plays again. The thunderous crap scene] [Back to studio]

Jeff Daniels:[confused look] I think there’s a….

Ted Davis: Wow! That was exciting. Boy, jeez. So Iguess the whole idea was that the stress caused yousome sort of gastrointestinal thing?

Jeff Daniels: Um, no. Actually, no. I think someonemade a mistake. That was the same clip from before.That was a scene from “Dumb and Dumber”.

Ted Davis:[surprised]Ok, um Jeff. Wow. Umm. Let meswitch gears here for a second. I want to talk alittle bit about your breakthrough role in one of myfavorite films “Terms of Endearment”.

Jeff Daniels: Sure.

Ted Davis: If we could.

Jeff Daniels: Well, I played a college professor whose wife was…

Ted Davis: Played by Debra Winger.

Jeff Daniels: Right. She’s diagnosed with cancer andthen she finds out I’m having an affair with a student.

Ted Davis: Yes, that was quite a moment. I remember.

Jeff Daniels: Yeah, yeah. People hated my characterfor cheating on a dying woman.

Ted Davis: Yeah, no I’m sure. I can imagine. Butironically if I remember correctly your character alsocame down with a little bit of an illness. Something.Little bit of Montezuma’s revenge. Let’s take a look.I think we have a clip.

Jeff Daniels: What?!

[Cut to scene of thunderous dump of Dumb and Dumber] [back to studio]

Ted Davis: Well Jeff Daniels, Deborah Winger, “Termsof Endearment”. A lot of Oscars passed around. I don’tknow. How did you feel? I don’t want to say overlooked….

Jeff Daniels:[distressed] No, listen Ted. I thinkthere’s a problem with the clips.

Ted Davis: Mark, are we having problems with the clips?

Mark: [off camera] No problem.

Ted Davis: Ok, no problem with the clips. Ok, let meagain switch gears if I could for a second here.

Jeff Daniels:[getting angry] Yeah, yeah.

Ted Davis: Do you worry at all about being typecast?At all. I mean, do you worry about always being theguy in the toilet? I mean….Jeff “Diarrhea Head” Daniels.

Jeff Daniels: All right. Look, look….I think Ibetter just leave.[gets ready to leave, Ted holds his arm]Ted Davis: I’m sorry Jeff. Can you hold that thought?We have to break away for a commercial here and willbe right back after this commercial with Jeff “ToiletBoy” Daniels? So stay tuned.

[cut to thunderous dump scene of Dumb and Dumber] [back to studio]

Ted Davis: Ok, so we’re back from commercials.

Jeff Daniels: That wasn’t a commercial!!

Ted Davis: Yes, it was.

Jeff Daniels: No!, no!

Ted Davis: It was a commercial.

Jeff Daniels: Well, what was it a commercial for?!!

Ted Davis: You know, I’m not sure. Let’s take another look.

Jeff Daniels: NO!!!

Ted Davis: Its…we could do it. It’s very easy to…

Jeff Daniels: No!

Ted Davis: Are you sure?

Jeff Daniels: No….fine.

Ted Davis: So what’s next for Jeffrey Daniels? Tell meabout it. What are you working on now?

Jeff Daniels: Well, as a matter of fact, I’m writing ascreenplay that I’m very excited about.

Ted Davis: Oh, that’s terrific, yeah. I think we havea clip of that. Let’s take a look.

Jeff Daniels: No, you don’t.

Ted Davis: Mark, do we have a clip of that?

Mark: [off camera] Absolutely.

Ted Davis: Ok, great.

Jeff Daniels: You don’t have a clip of a movie thathasn’t even been made yet!!!

Ted Davis: Oh, my dear Jeffrey. Then pray tell what might this be?

[Thunderous dump scene from Dumb and Dumber playsagain. Jeff is mortified. He covers his face, Tedlooks at him and enjoys watching him squirm]

Ted Davis: Ok, well Jeff. I think we’re just out oftime. Do you have any last words you’d like to leaveus with?

Jeff Daniels: Yeah, I really don’t know why you’redoing this. You know, I’ve never been treated in thisway. I mean, I really, really, really resent….[loudfart sound effects]

Ted Davis: Oh, no. Come on.[Fans his face, making itlook like Jeff is farting]

Jeff Daniels: I flew in here for this….I, I, Icould’ve said no….

[Film Beat logo appears. Frustrated Jeff keeps talkingto a uninterested Ted] [fade] [cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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