Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 20: Episode 10
Ted Davis…..Chris Elliot
Mark’s Voice…..Michael McKean
Caption: FILM BEAT[Opens with Ted and Jeff sitting in directors chairswith a TV screen behind them. Two rows of black andwhite pictures of Jeff Daniels performances from hismovies are on the set]
Ted Davis: Hi and welcome to Film Beat. I’m Ted Davis.No relation to Betty. Ha,ha,ha. And with me today isJeff Daniels. A very versatile actor now starring withJim Carrey in the hit comedy “Dumb and Dumber”. Whichone were you? He, he, he…
Jeff Daniels: Well, I mean there wasn’t really much…
Ted Davis: No, no, no, that was the title, right?
Jeff Daniels: Right.
Ted Davis: But I got ya’.
Jeff Daniels: You did, you did. Yep.
Ted Davis: Well, I think we have a clip from “Dumb andDumber”. Is that all cued up, Mark?
Mark: [off camera]Oh, yeah.
Ted Davis: Ok, great. So let’s take a look.”Dumb and Dumber”[Cut to the scene in Dumb and Dumber were Jeffcharacter is panting and grunting in the bathroom,taking his pants and underwear off in a hurry andtaking a thunderous dump. His face contorts andflatulence and diarrhea sounds are heard. His facechanges to comfort and with a towel he fans out thewindow the unholy smell of his crap] [Back to studio]
Ted Davis:[laughs]That is funny stuff. Very funny, Jeff.[pats Jeff leg]
Jeff Daniels:[amused but a little embarrassed] Yeah, well, not one of my proudest moments.
Ted Davis: Of course not.
Jeff Daniels: Hey, it was a nice change of pace.
Ted Davis: Sure. No, absolutely. Now look, let me askyou something. Last summer you starred in the big action hit “Speed”.
Jeff Daniels: Mm-mmm.
Ted Davis: Tell us about that one.
Jeff Daniels: Oh, right. Well, I play an explosivesexpert and Keanu Reeves is my partner and he’s in abus with a bomb and I’m trying to figure out a way tokeep it from blowing up.
Ted Davis: Wow. Ok, well I think we have a clip ofthat. Let’s take a look.[They turn to look at the screen again. The same clipof Dumb and Dumber plays again. The thunderous crap scene] [Back to studio]
Jeff Daniels:[confused look] I think there’s a….
Ted Davis: Wow! That was exciting. Boy, jeez. So Iguess the whole idea was that the stress caused yousome sort of gastrointestinal thing?
Jeff Daniels: Um, no. Actually, no. I think someonemade a mistake. That was the same clip from before.That was a scene from “Dumb and Dumber”.
Ted Davis:[surprised]Ok, um Jeff. Wow. Umm. Let meswitch gears here for a second. I want to talk alittle bit about your breakthrough role in one of myfavorite films “Terms of Endearment”.
Jeff Daniels: Sure.
Ted Davis: If we could.
Jeff Daniels: Well, I played a college professor whose wife was…
Ted Davis: Played by Debra Winger.
Jeff Daniels: Right. She’s diagnosed with cancer andthen she finds out I’m having an affair with a student.
Ted Davis: Yes, that was quite a moment. I remember.
Jeff Daniels: Yeah, yeah. People hated my characterfor cheating on a dying woman.
Ted Davis: Yeah, no I’m sure. I can imagine. Butironically if I remember correctly your character alsocame down with a little bit of an illness. Something.Little bit of Montezuma’s revenge. Let’s take a look.I think we have a clip.
Jeff Daniels: What?![Cut to scene of thunderous dump of Dumb and Dumber] [back to studio]
Ted Davis: Well Jeff Daniels, Deborah Winger, “Termsof Endearment”. A lot of Oscars passed around. I don’tknow. How did you feel? I don’t want to say overlooked….
Jeff Daniels:[distressed] No, listen Ted. I thinkthere’s a problem with the clips.
Ted Davis: Mark, are we having problems with the clips?
Mark: [off camera] No problem.
Ted Davis: Ok, no problem with the clips. Ok, let meagain switch gears if I could for a second here.
Jeff Daniels:[getting angry] Yeah, yeah.
Ted Davis: Do you worry at all about being typecast?At all. I mean, do you worry about always being theguy in the toilet? I mean….Jeff “Diarrhea Head” Daniels.
Jeff Daniels: All right. Look, look….I think Ibetter just leave.[gets ready to leave, Ted holds his arm]Ted Davis: I’m sorry Jeff. Can you hold that thought?We have to break away for a commercial here and willbe right back after this commercial with Jeff “ToiletBoy” Daniels? So stay tuned.[cut to thunderous dump scene of Dumb and Dumber] [back to studio]
Ted Davis: Ok, so we’re back from commercials.
Jeff Daniels: That wasn’t a commercial!!
Ted Davis: Yes, it was.
Jeff Daniels: No!, no!
Ted Davis: It was a commercial.
Jeff Daniels: Well, what was it a commercial for?!!
Ted Davis: You know, I’m not sure. Let’s take another look.
Jeff Daniels: NO!!!
Ted Davis: Its…we could do it. It’s very easy to…
Jeff Daniels: No!
Ted Davis: Are you sure?
Jeff Daniels: No….fine.
Ted Davis: So what’s next for Jeffrey Daniels? Tell meabout it. What are you working on now?
Jeff Daniels: Well, as a matter of fact, I’m writing ascreenplay that I’m very excited about.
Ted Davis: Oh, that’s terrific, yeah. I think we havea clip of that. Let’s take a look.
Jeff Daniels: No, you don’t.
Ted Davis: Mark, do we have a clip of that?
Mark: [off camera] Absolutely.
Ted Davis: Ok, great.
Jeff Daniels: You don’t have a clip of a movie thathasn’t even been made yet!!!
Ted Davis: Oh, my dear Jeffrey. Then pray tell what might this be?[Thunderous dump scene from Dumb and Dumber playsagain. Jeff is mortified. He covers his face, Tedlooks at him and enjoys watching him squirm]
Ted Davis: Ok, well Jeff. I think we’re just out oftime. Do you have any last words you’d like to leaveus with?
Jeff Daniels: Yeah, I really don’t know why you’redoing this. You know, I’ve never been treated in thisway. I mean, I really, really, really resent….[loudfart sound effects]
Ted Davis: Oh, no. Come on.[Fans his face, making itlook like Jeff is farting]
Jeff Daniels: I flew in here for this….I, I, Icould’ve said no….[Film Beat logo appears. Frustrated Jeff keeps talkingto a uninterested Ted] [fade] [cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel