SNL Transcripts: Jeff Daniels: 01/14/95: Martin Luther King Day

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 20: Episode 10

94j: Jeff Daniels / Luscious Jackson

Martin Luther King Day

Jeff…..Jeff Daniels
Chris…..Chris Elliot
Tim…..Tim Meadows
Adam…..Adam Sandler
Felicia…..Ellen Cleghorne

[ open on two white employees sitting in their office ]

Jeff: Hey, check it out – we’ve got Monday off!

Chris: Oh, yeah.. it’s Washington’s Birthday, or something, isn’t it?

Jeff: No. It’s Martin Luther King Day. What are you gonna do?

Chris: Oh, probably what I do every Martin Luther King Day – I’ll just plant myself in front of the tube, watch cartoons, and drink beer!

Jeff: [ chuckles ] Yeah, I’m with you. Hey! Why don’t you come over? I’ve got some Air Hockey in the basement.

Chris: Hey, that’s a great idea! I’ll be there – I’ll bring some Stooges videos.

Jeff: Great!

[ Tim, a black employee, enters the office ]

Tim: Hey, guys! What’s going on? Hey, what are you guys doing Monday – you know, Dr. Martin Luther King’s Birthday?

Jeff: Uh.. oh, I don’t know.. I thought I’d just, you know, go over to the library and read some of his collective writings.

Chris: Yeah.. yeah, I’ll probably see you there.

Tim: Hey, you guys are gonna kill yourselves when you hear what I’m doing. They’re holding a marathon reading of all Dr. King’s speeches at my church! [ the guys are “impressed” ] Unfortunately, they’re sold out.

Jeff: Aw, wow, sold out, that sucks!

Chris: Gee, thanks for telling us about it now! Gee whiz, I could have heard of that sooner!

Tim: Oh, well, wait, let me finish, though. I just happen to have two spare tickets!

Jeff: Oh, that is.. so excellent..

Chris: Yeah.. but now you’re putting me on an emotional roller coaster here, because noew you’re gonna say you have the two spare tickets but they’re for somebody else..

Tim: No. They’re all yours.

Jeff: Oh, well.. [ reluctant to take the tickets ] Oh, look, it starts at 7 a.m…

Tim: Yeah. And it usually runs past midnight.

Chris: Well, you really got your money’s worth with this..

Tim: Yeah. So, let’s get some coffee going here, huh? [ bends down by coffeepot ] How’s this plug in? Oh, here it is..

[ Adam enters ]

Adam: Hey! Can you guys believe it? We’ve got Monday off for Martin Luther King – you want to get drunk and go to Atlantic City?

Jeff: No.. we’ve got tickets for that reading of speeches by Dr. King..

Adam: Oh, yeah.. Seriously, though – you want to get drunk and go to Atlantic City? They’ve got a free bus that goes there every two hours.. [ suddenly sees behind him ] ..but, uh, you know, that speech thing, that sounds pretty good.. should give that a shot, you got any more tickets?

Chris: No, uh.. we snagged the last two.

Adam: You lucky bastards! Oh, my! It serves me right for getting here late!

Tim: I’ll tell you what – I’ll make a call and rustle up one more.

Adam: You’re not jazzing me, are ya? ‘Cause I would kill for one of those tickets!

Tim: I’ll get you one, don’t worry! Hey, I’m glad you guys are here, because I’ve got your Martin Luther King presents. [ hands one to each co-worker ]

Jeff: Oh, look at this – “Great Kings of Africa”! Hey, not too shabby.

Chris: No, no.. you mut have read my mind.

Adam: Uh, I’ve got my weekend reading now..

Jeff: Hey, I almost forgot.. I forgot to give you my present.. [ grabs laptop from his desk ] Yeah, it’s already got a bunch of software on it, and I already turned it on for you..

Tim: This is really beautiful! I can use this.

Chris: [ pulls wallet out of his pants ] Here, buddy.. here’s my present. [ hands him his wallet ] Happy Martin Luther King Day..

Tim: A wallet!

Chris: Yeah. Oh, look, it’s got my initials on it there, to honor Dr. King..

Tim: Hey, that’s so thoughtful. [ opens wallet ] Hey, there’s cash in here, too!

Chris: Yeah, there is.. that’s all part of the gift..

Adam: Hey, uh, I went in on that, so that’s kinda from both of us!

[ Felicia enters ]

Felicia: Hi, good morning, everybody.

Tim: Hey, Felicia! Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Day!

Felicia: Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Day, my brother! [ they hug ] You know, I think the white man just tries to keep us down.. [ cries ]

Tim: I know.. I know..

Felicia: You know, we are too strong, too proud, for them, man!

[ the three co-workers stand silent, unsure of what to do ]

Chris: Felicia.. would you like a laptop computer..? [ holds his out for her ]

Tim: Look, guys, could you give us a few minutes? You know..

Jeff: Yeah, maybe we’d better go.

[ the three co-workers exit the office, as Felicia continues to cry ]

Tim: It’s okay, they’re gone.

Felicia: Oh, great! So, what did you get?

Tim: I got a wallet and a laptop computer!

Felicia: Wow!

Tim: Plus, I got rid of all those Kwaanza books everybody gave me!

Felicia: You know what I got? Nothing. Let’s just go to Atlantic City and get drunk!

Tim: Great!

[ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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