SNL Transcripts: Jeff Daniels: 01/14/95: Martin Luther King Day

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 20: Episode 10

94j: Jeff Daniels / Luscious Jackson

Martin Luther King Day

Jeff…..Jeff Daniels
Chris…..Chris Elliot
Tim…..Tim Meadows
Adam…..Adam Sandler
Felicia…..Ellen Cleghorne

[ open on two white employees sitting in their office ]

Jeff: Hey, check it out – we’ve got Monday off!

Chris: Oh, yeah.. it’s Washington’s Birthday, or something, isn’t it?

Jeff: No. It’s Martin Luther King Day. What are you gonna do?

Chris: Oh, probably what I do every Martin Luther King Day – I’ll just plant myself in front of the tube, watch cartoons, and drink beer!

Jeff: [ chuckles ] Yeah, I’m with you. Hey! Why don’t you come over? I’ve got some Air Hockey in the basement.

Chris: Hey, that’s a great idea! I’ll be there – I’ll bring some Stooges videos.

Jeff: Great!

[ Tim, a black employee, enters the office ]

Tim: Hey, guys! What’s going on? Hey, what are you guys doing Monday – you know, Dr. Martin Luther King’s Birthday?

Jeff: Uh.. oh, I don’t know.. I thought I’d just, you know, go over to the library and read some of his collective writings.

Chris: Yeah.. yeah, I’ll probably see you there.

Tim: Hey, you guys are gonna kill yourselves when you hear what I’m doing. They’re holding a marathon reading of all Dr. King’s speeches at my church! [ the guys are “impressed” ] Unfortunately, they’re sold out.

Jeff: Aw, wow, sold out, that sucks!

Chris: Gee, thanks for telling us about it now! Gee whiz, I could have heard of that sooner!

Tim: Oh, well, wait, let me finish, though. I just happen to have two spare tickets!

Jeff: Oh, that is.. so excellent..

Chris: Yeah.. but now you’re putting me on an emotional roller coaster here, because noew you’re gonna say you have the two spare tickets but they’re for somebody else..

Tim: No. They’re all yours.

Jeff: Oh, well.. [ reluctant to take the tickets ] Oh, look, it starts at 7 a.m…

Tim: Yeah. And it usually runs past midnight.

Chris: Well, you really got your money’s worth with this..

Tim: Yeah. So, let’s get some coffee going here, huh? [ bends down by coffeepot ] How’s this plug in? Oh, here it is..

[ Adam enters ]

Adam: Hey! Can you guys believe it? We’ve got Monday off for Martin Luther King – you want to get drunk and go to Atlantic City?

Jeff: No.. we’ve got tickets for that reading of speeches by Dr. King..

Adam: Oh, yeah.. Seriously, though – you want to get drunk and go to Atlantic City? They’ve got a free bus that goes there every two hours.. [ suddenly sees behind him ] ..but, uh, you know, that speech thing, that sounds pretty good.. should give that a shot, you got any more tickets?

Chris: No, uh.. we snagged the last two.

Adam: You lucky bastards! Oh, my! It serves me right for getting here late!

Tim: I’ll tell you what – I’ll make a call and rustle up one more.

Adam: You’re not jazzing me, are ya? ‘Cause I would kill for one of those tickets!

Tim: I’ll get you one, don’t worry! Hey, I’m glad you guys are here, because I’ve got your Martin Luther King presents. [ hands one to each co-worker ]

Jeff: Oh, look at this – “Great Kings of Africa”! Hey, not too shabby.

Chris: No, no.. you mut have read my mind.

Adam: Uh, I’ve got my weekend reading now..

Jeff: Hey, I almost forgot.. I forgot to give you my present.. [ grabs laptop from his desk ] Yeah, it’s already got a bunch of software on it, and I already turned it on for you..

Tim: This is really beautiful! I can use this.

Chris: [ pulls wallet out of his pants ] Here, buddy.. here’s my present. [ hands him his wallet ] Happy Martin Luther King Day..

Tim: A wallet!

Chris: Yeah. Oh, look, it’s got my initials on it there, to honor Dr. King..

Tim: Hey, that’s so thoughtful. [ opens wallet ] Hey, there’s cash in here, too!

Chris: Yeah, there is.. that’s all part of the gift..

Adam: Hey, uh, I went in on that, so that’s kinda from both of us!

[ Felicia enters ]

Felicia: Hi, good morning, everybody.

Tim: Hey, Felicia! Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Day!

Felicia: Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Day, my brother! [ they hug ] You know, I think the white man just tries to keep us down.. [ cries ]

Tim: I know.. I know..

Felicia: You know, we are too strong, too proud, for them, man!

[ the three co-workers stand silent, unsure of what to do ]

Chris: Felicia.. would you like a laptop computer..? [ holds his out for her ]

Tim: Look, guys, could you give us a few minutes? You know..

Jeff: Yeah, maybe we’d better go.

[ the three co-workers exit the office, as Felicia continues to cry ]

Tim: It’s okay, they’re gone.

Felicia: Oh, great! So, what did you get?

Tim: I got a wallet and a laptop computer!

Felicia: Wow!

Tim: Plus, I got rid of all those Kwaanza books everybody gave me!

Felicia: You know what I got? Nothing. Let’s just go to Atlantic City and get drunk!

Tim: Great!

[ fade out ]

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