Foreignors & Jersey Kids
Foreigner…..David Hyde Pierce
Jersey Kid 1…..David Spade
Jersey Kid 2…..Adam Sandler
[open on interior of moving train, with foreigner in window seat and two Jersey kids next to him]
Foreigner: [with heavy, nondescript European accent] Nice, sunny day, yes?
Jersey Kid 2: Yeah, it’s sunny, nice.
Foreigner: I can’t wait to go home to, to see, um, how you say, the woman, oh, you know, marriage woman. No, um, how you say, oh, ring on finger women.
Jersey Kid 2: Yeah, yeah, your doorknob.
Foreigner: Ah! Yes, yes, yes, my doorknob. Is so nice to see her. She make dinner for me at the end of the day. She’s the best doorknob man could ask for.
Jersey Kid 1: Yeah, yeah, you love your doorknob, don’t you?
Foreigner: Oh, oh, yes, oh so much. But, when we dinner, I am getting tired. I have to go to the sleeping place. Eh, with the, how you say, with the blankets and the pillows, and you lay on the–
Jersey Kid 2: Mashed potatoes.
Foreigner: Mashed potatoes! Yes, yes, yes, I sleep in my mashed potatoes. Soft and comfortable-like. Yeah, I like sleeping.
Jersey Kid 1: Yeah, I bet you do. Hey, does your doorknob lay in your mashed potatoes at night with you after dinner? Come on![all chuckle]
Foreigner: No, no, no. She has to take care of the, how you say, little one. Little person, tiny person, oh, how you say, just born person.
Jersey Kid 2: Your volleyball.
Foreigner: My volleyball!
Jersey Kid 1: Wow, you must be very proud to be the father of a beautiful little volleyball.
Foreigner: Yes! Yes, but it’s very sad.
Jersey Kid 2: Huh? Why’s that?
Jersey Kid 1: Why’s that?
Foreigner: Well, when me and my doorknob lay in the mashed potatoes at night, [Jersey kids laugh at the misused words] my doorknob cannot stop crying because my volleyball has no lungs or liver.
Jersey Kid 2: Oh, my God, I’m sorry.
Jersey Kid 1: I’m so sorry.[Jersey kids cover their mouths with their hands and look at each other guiltily as the image freezes] [voice over and title: “Foreigners and Jersey Kids, learning from each other”]
Thanks to DavidK93 for this transcript!