Foreignors & Jersey Kids

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94k: David Hyde Pierce / Live

Foreignors & Jersey Kids

Foreigner…..David Hyde Pierce
Jersey Kid 1…..David Spade
Jersey Kid 2…..Adam Sandler


[open on interior of moving train, with foreigner in window seat and two Jersey kids next to him]

Foreigner: [with heavy, nondescript European accent] Nice, sunny day, yes?

Jersey Kid 2: Yeah, it’s sunny, nice.

Foreigner: I can’t wait to go home to, to see, um, how you say, the woman, oh, you know, marriage woman. No, um, how you say, oh, ring on finger women.

Jersey Kid 2: Yeah, yeah, your doorknob.

Foreigner: Ah! Yes, yes, yes, my doorknob. Is so nice to see her. She make dinner for me at the end of the day. She’s the best doorknob man could ask for.

Jersey Kid 1: Yeah, yeah, you love your doorknob, don’t you?

Foreigner: Oh, oh, yes, oh so much. But, when we dinner, I am getting tired. I have to go to the sleeping place. Eh, with the, how you say, with the blankets and the pillows, and you lay on the–

Jersey Kid 2: Mashed potatoes.

Foreigner: Mashed potatoes! Yes, yes, yes, I sleep in my mashed potatoes. Soft and comfortable-like. Yeah, I like sleeping.

Jersey Kid 1: Yeah, I bet you do. Hey, does your doorknob lay in your mashed potatoes at night with you after dinner? Come on!

[all chuckle]

Foreigner: No, no, no. She has to take care of the, how you say, little one. Little person, tiny person, oh, how you say, just born person.

Jersey Kid 2: Your volleyball.

Foreigner: My volleyball!

Jersey Kid 1: Wow, you must be very proud to be the father of a beautiful little volleyball.

Foreigner: Yes! Yes, but it’s very sad.

Jersey Kid 2: Huh? Why’s that?

Jersey Kid 1: Why’s that?

Foreigner: Well, when me and my doorknob lay in the mashed potatoes at night, [Jersey kids laugh at the misused words] my doorknob cannot stop crying because my volleyball has no lungs or liver.

Jersey Kid 2: Oh, my God, I’m sorry.

Jersey Kid 1: I’m so sorry.

[Jersey kids cover their mouths with their hands and look at each other guiltily as the image freezes] [voice over and title: “Foreigners and Jersey Kids, learning from each other”]

Thanks to DavidK93 for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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