Amazin’ Laser

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Amazin’ Laser

Homeowner…..Chris Elliot


[ open on Homeowner working around his yard ]

Homeowner: Mowing. Raking. Pruning. It takes a lot of work to keep a place like this looking good. But the hard part is getting rid of all this mess – unless you have.. the Amazin’ Laser, the amazing new gardening tool that vaporizes any and all matter in its path, giving your home a professionally landscaped look.

Use the Amazin’ Laser on grass clippings. [ demonstrates ] [ SUPER: “Warning: Do Not Fire Amazin’ Laser At Police Officers.” ]

Get rid of brushpiles and branches. [ demonstrates ] [ SUPER: “Warning: Do Not Fire Amazin’ Laser At Military Personnel.” ]

And what about this 1,800 lb. granite boulder? [ zaps it with the Amazin’ Laser ] Gone in a minute, with Amazin’ Laser.

[ SUPER: “Warning: Do Not Use Amazin’ Laser When Drowsy Or On Medication.” ]

How accurate is Amazin’ Laser? Accurate enough to hit a man in a moving automobile, from up to 3,000 feet away! Is that accurate enough for you?

[ SUPER: “Warning: Do Not Fire Amazin’ Laser At The President.” ]

And Amazin’ Laser won’t rust or corrode like metal gardening tools, ’cause it’s made out of 100% durable Lexon plastic. Just watch it go through this metal detector! [ walks through, no problem ] [ SUPER: “Warning: Terrorists, Please Do Not Buy Amazin’ Laser.” ]

Make your yard look its best, with the Amazin’ Laser! [ zaps a truckful of wood out of his yard ] [ SUPER: “Warning: Amazin’ Laser Can Be Used For Good Or Evil, Please Use Only For Good.” ]

The Amazin’ Laser. It’s amazing!

[ SUPER: “On Second Thought, Please Do Not Buy Amazin’ Laser.” ]

Announcer: Amazin’ Laser. Available at Walgreens and Rickel Home Centers. Ask for it by name.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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