Black History Month


Black History Month

… Ellen Cleghorne
… Tim Meadows
… Chris Farley

[Graphic: a photo collage of famous African-Americanmen next to a text reading: BLACK HISTORY MONTH.]

Don Pardo: “Saturday Night Live” is proud to honor BlackHistory Month.

[Dissolve to Ellen Cleghorne and Tim Meadows, nicelydressed, seated at a desk in front of a view of a bigcity skyline. They address the camera:]

Ellen Cleghorne: Thank you. As you all know, Februaryis Black History Month.

Tim Meadows: And so we thought this would be anappropriate time to reflect upon the achievements ofAfrican-Americans over the past year. And what betterway to start … [Photo of O. J. Simpson inset overTim’s shoulder] … than with O. J. Simpson whosetrial in Los Angeles has reminded all Americans of hisremarkable achievements as a running back and acorporate spokesman for Hertz Rent-a-Car.

Ellen Cleghorne: While, on the other side of thecountry … [Photo of crazed killer Colin Ferguson]… the trial of Colin Ferguson showed how a manwithout the advantages of a legal education couldconduct his own defense and nearly pull off theimpossible!

Tim Meadows: You know, on second thought, perhaps thiswasn’t the best way to kick off the celebration ofBlack History Month. So let’s go to the world ofpolitics … [Photo of Dr. Henry Foster] … whereHenry Foster is about to become our nation’s nextSurgeon General.

Ellen Cleghorne: Yeah! [Photo of Dr. Jocelyn Elders]Dr. Foster will succeed Jocelyn Elders who was forcedto resign last December for … recommending …mastur … bation.

Tim Meadows: Also in the world of politics, in whatmust surely be the political comeback of the year …[Photo of drug-abusing mayor Marion Barry] …Washington, D.C. mayor Marion– You know, enough aboutpolitics. What about the world of sports, Ellen?

Ellen Cleghorne: Yeah! [Photo of NBA basketball playerVernon Maxwell] In sports, Houston Rockets guardVernon Maxwell showed he had the right stuff when heleft the court and went into the stands and savagelybeat a fan who– Let’s move on. [Photo of drug-abusingbaseball player Daryl Strawberry] N-n-no, let’s justskip this one. [Photo of convicted felon andheavyweight boxing champ Iron Mike Tyson] Yeah, thisone, too! [Photo of O. J. Simpson – same photo asearlier] COME ON! We already DID O. J. Simpson!

Tim Meadows: Yeah, what’s going on? I mean, why do weonly have pictures of black people who did somethingwrong, you know? What about white people who’ve donesomething? I bet you don’t have a picture of JeffreyDahmer. He was in the news. [Graphic reading: NOPICTURE AVAILABLE] Yeah. I thought so!

Ellen Cleghorne: [soberly] The fact is,African-Americans have been in this country for overthree hundred and fifty years and that’s longer thanmost white Americans. African-Americans have fought inevery one of our wars. We’ve contributed more than anyother group to American culture, language and music.

Tim Meadows: [brightening] Hey, what about music?[Photo of pedophile pop singer Michael Jackson] Next.[Photo of singer Rick James, his tongue sticking outof his mouth] Come on, now! Rick James? He hasn’t hadan album in ten years! You know, what’s next, TupacShakur? [Photo of convicted rapper Tupac Shakur]Figures.

Ellen Cleghorne: You know, Tim, when you think aboutit, maybe this wasn’t such a great Black HistoryMonth.

Tim Meadows: Yeah, this was kind of a “rebuildingyear” for black history.

Ellen Cleghorne: But — on an up note — this marksthe first time in the history of “Saturday Night Live”that two African-American cast members have opened theshow by saying, in unison…

Both: [enthusiastically put their heads together andshout] Live from New York–!

Chris Farley: [abruptly enters and puts his armsaround Ellen and Tim, interrupting] Hey, guys! What’sup?! [audience cheers and applauds for a grinningFarley as Ellen and Tim look glum and upset]

Ellen Cleghorne: What are you doing here?

Chris Farley: Nothin’.

Tim Meadows: Chris, uh, we’re kind of in the middle ofsomething, all right?

Chris Farley: I know. I got one line and I’m out of here.

Tim Meadows: Nuh uh! Not this one! Get out!

Chris Farley: [reluctantly] All right. [nasally] Eees![Farley exits with inhuman speed]

Tim Meadows: [disgusted, to Ellen] Eh–!

Ellen Cleghorne: [in disbelief, to Tim] Can you believe that?

Tim Meadows: I know. Let’s just do it.

Both: [heads together, camera zooming in on them, withgreat enthusiasm] Live from New York — it’s SaturdayNiiiiiight!

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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