High Stakes Japanese Game Show – Revised and translated

This is a heavily revised version of the one currently posted; it addresses omissions/transcription errors, but more importantly translates the Japanese where possible.

Note: As the actors are not fluent Japanese speakers, sometimes names are a bit off and pronunciation makes it next to impossible to determine the precise meaning.

Narrator: And now, from Tokyo, it’s “Quiz Kings”! Here’s your host, Nakadai Toshiro-san!
Nakdai: Okay, hi! Hello, everyone. It certainly is hot outside, isn’t it? Kotara-san, Kotara-san… You’re looking as lovely as always.
Kotara: Toshiro-san… Oh, you. I swear!
Nakadai: All right. Well, let’s move on to Takashi Akira-san. You’ve won [6 million yen] already. That’s incredible.
Akira: [I’ve never seen anyone win so much!] Nakadai: Okay, okay. Let’s introduce the challengers. Nakida Sanshira-san. Hello!
(Blows her a kiss)
Sanshira: As always, [unintelligible].
Nakadai: And finally, from “Mil-wau-kee, Wis-con-sin” … Rarry Tenperuton-san. Greetings, yes!
Templeton: (Confused) I-I’m sorry. I don’t speak Japanese.
Nakadai: Rarry-san, yes! A brief introduction, please.
Templeton: I-I don’t understand. There’s been a little mistake. Uh…
Nakadai: (Unintelligible, followed by laughter)
Templeton: (Laughing politely) You see, my wife Mary and I are here on vacation. It’s a lovely country, everyone’s been great. Anyhoo, the concierge at the hotel said, “Do you wanna go to a game show?” Well-
Nakadai: Wonderful, just wonderful! Okay, let’s begin. Question No. 1…
Templeton: See, I thought she meant see a game show, not BE on a game show! Big mistake. BIG mistake!
Nakadai: Thank you.
Kotara: Not at all.
Nakadai: Thank you. Thank you! Thank you.
Kotara: Yes.
Nakadai: Question No. 1: How many keys does a piano have: 70 (nanajuu), 100 (hyaku), or 88 (hachijuuhachi)? Akira-san!
Akira: 70?
(Buzzer sounds)
Nakadai: Aah, no, that’s wrong. That’s wrong. Sanshira-san!
Sanshira: 100?
(Buzzer sounds)
Nakadai: Yeah, that’s wrong again. Rarry-san?
Templeton: Me? I don’t know. I-I’m sorry… Does anybody here speak English? Do you guys speak English? I…
Nakadai: Rarry-san: 70 (nanajuu), 100 (hyaku), or 88 (hachijuuhachi)?
Templeton: Can I pass? You know what, I pass! Uh…
Nakadai: Nanajuu, hyaku, or hachijuuhachi?
Templeton: Hachi… juuhachi? I…
(Larry wins Y50,000; Audience cheers)
Nakadai: Correct, correct! That’s correct!
Nakadai: Correct. Rarry-san, [congratulations, that’s right].
Templeton: (Pleased and surprised) Really?! All right, well… Kanuka! Kanuka! (Nonsense Japanese)
Nakadai: Thank you, thank you. Second question. [Oh, this time, you have to write.] Does Kagemusha give you the willies, or does Godzilla? Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.
Templeton: I-I’m sorry – “Cage Moosh”?
Nakadai: Does Kagemusha gives you the willies, or does Godzilla?
Templeton: Oh! (Writes his answer)
(Timer goes off)
Nakadai: [That’s time!] Akira-san!
Akira: Kagemusha?
Nakadai: Aah, that’s no good That’s wrong. Kotara-san?
(His answer being wrong, Akira takes a knife and napkin provided by the co-host, and…)
Akira: Not at all. (Probably meant to mean “My apologies.”)
(Akira slices his right pinky off)
Templeton: (Distraught] OH MY GOD! DO YOU SEE THAT?!
(Nakadai laughs, says something unintelligible)
Nakadai: Sanshira-san!
Sanshira: Kagemusha?
(Buzzer sounds)
Nakadai: No, no good. No good at all. Not good.
(Sanshira complies with game show rules and slices her pinky off as well)
Sanshira: Hya!
Templeton: GOOD LORD! What in the name of all that’s sacred?!
Nakadai: Okay, okay! Rarry-san? (Reaches for written answer)
Templeton: (Pulls answer away, shaking) You know what? I shouldn’t be here.
Nakadai: Rarry-san…
Rarry: Call the concierge!
Nakadai: Rarry-san… Rarry-san!
Templeton: Call the concierge!
Nakadai Rarry! Rarry-san! (Grabs answer and pulls it from Larry)
Templeton: “Docky-docky” something!
(Nakadai reads the answer, looking as if he’s going to break into laughter)
Nakadai: “Godzilla”?
Templeton: I-I didn’t…
Nakadai: Godzilla? Godzilla. You think it’s Godzilla… You’re correct!
(Buzzer sounds; Templeton is correct and has just won Y200,000)
Nakadai: You’re correct! That’s correct. Rarry-san, you’ve certainly won a lot. That’s 20,000 yen!
Templeton: Really? Well, that was great. Thank you very much, I guess!
Nakadai: Let’s move on to [unintelligible]!
(Audience repeats)
Templeton: Two thousand d… yen?! How much is that in dollars?
(Cheering as Larry is led to the Bonus Round, which consists of him being bound in chains and an electrical device attached via jumper cables to his crotch)
Templeton: Hey, excuse me, I won. What the heck are you doing here? Hey, just a second… Just a second here!
(Nakadai laughs as he pulls out a new set of question cards)
Nakadai: [Unintelligible] You know?
Templeton: MOTHER OF MERCY, I DON’T SPEAK JAPANESE!
Nakadai: Now for the next question.
Templeton: MARY, CALL THE AMERICAN EMBASSY!
Nakadai: When it comes to children’s nursery songs, who is always sure to be sitting?
(PS: Answer = The child, on the parent’s lap)
Templeton: I DON’T KNOW!
(Nakadai prepares to pull electrical switch)
Templeton: NO, WAIT! Wait, wait, wait! I… I know it, I know it. Um… uh, Kwa… ki… sur-… pi… ni… ku?
Nakadai: What? “Kwakisurpiniku”?
Templeton: (Confident)Yes! Kwakisurpiniku!
Emcee: Judges! What do you say?
(Surly-looking judges shake heads no)
Templeton: (Desperate) Kwakisurpiniku! Kwakisurpiniku!
(Gong sounds)
Nakadai: No, that’s wrong. Too bad. No good. The answer was, “Kwa-ki-sur-pi-PI-ku.”
(Nonsensical)
(Nakadai pulls the switch, shocking Larry)
Templeton: No! AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!
Nakadai: Well, that’s all we have time for.
(Rest of dialogue is drowned out as Nakadai, Kotara, and the other two contestants dance the show out)

Author: Jay

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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