Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 1
95a: Mariel Hemingway / Blues Traveler
Leg Up!
Ann Miller…..Molly Shannon
Debbie Reynolds…..Cheri Oteri
Elizabeth Berkeley…..Mariel Hemingway
Announcer: Welcome to Leg Up! With your hosts, Hollywood dance legend Ann Miller and Americas sweetheart Debbie Reynolds!
Ann Miller: Ive got great, great grandkids and my legs still kick!
Debbie Reynolds: Im sixty-three and I got sass up the ass!
Together: Welcome to Leg Up!
Debbie Reynolds: A show for dancers!
Ann Miller: About dancers!
Debbie Reynolds: Who love to dance!
Ann Miller: Thats right. Debbie, I gotta tell you. I dont mean to embarrass you honey but you look terrific. She doesnt get older, she gets younger.
Debbie Reynolds: Oh stop it.
Ann Miller: Its true!
Debbie Reynolds: Well you know what Annie, Im gonna take that compliment and toss it right back because someone has discovered the fountain of youth and isnt telling!
Ann Miller: Stop it.
Debbie Reynolds: Her lips are sealed. Shes not saying a word !She isnt telling!
Ann Miller: You know honey that you look like a teenage girl and its true.
Debbie Reynolds: Well youre a four year old.
Ann Miller: Youre a three year old!
Debbie Reynolds: Youre a two year old!
Ann Miller: Well youre a one year old!
Debbie Reynolds: Youre a fetus! Dont try to top me, youre a fetus!
Ann Miller: Oh, for crying out loud.
Debbie Reynolds: Our first guest today is starring in a controversial new film.
Ann Miller: Thats right, very controversial.
Debbie Reynolds: Ladies and gentlemen, the star of Showgirls….Annie where have I heard showgirls?
Ann Miller: Maybe right here!
Debbie Reynolds: Please welcome Miss Elizabeth Berkeley…..
Ann Miller: Terrific.
(Elizabeth Berkeley walks in wearing a very skimpy outfit)
Debbie Reynolds: Whooo!
Ann Miller: Well.
Debbie: Whoo!
Elizabeth Berkeley: So great to be here.
Ann Miller: Look at how young she is! Elizabeth you are a beauty.
Elizabeth Berkeley: Thank you.
Debbie Reynolds: Shes so stunning Id like to shoot her in the back of the head!
Ann Miller: Ooooh, ouch!
Debbie Reynolds: Quick Annie get your gun….wait a second thats a show neither one of us were in, whats that about?
Ann Miller: I should have been in it. I should have been in it.
Debbie Reynolds: I didnt get a call! I didnt get a call!
Ann Miller: So Elizabeth, Elizabeth exactly how young are ya?
Elizabeth Berkeley: 21.
Ann & Debbie: Whoooooo!
Ann Miller: Well enjoy it now girl because in five years a hard rain is gonna fall.
Debbie Reynolds: KA-PLUNK!
Ann Miller: Thats right.
Debbie Reynolds: Anyway Lizzie, quick fading beauty aside, tell us how ya got your first big break.
Elizabeth Berkeley: Well, that would have to be Saved By the Bell.
Ann Miller: I remember Saved By the Bell.
Debbie Reynolds: Starlight Dinner Theater, 1956.
(Ann and Debbie break into a song)
Together:
“Saved by the bell
In the nick of time
Saved by the bell
Well be doing fine!”
Ann Miller: Remember that?
Debbie Reynolds: Yeah, I remember that Annie.
Elizabeth Berkeley: Actually Saved By the Bell was a popular television show. You know with Zack and Screech?
Ann Miller: Honey whoever your leading man is do not sleep with him.
Debbie Reynolds: Dont do it!
Elizabeth Berkeley: Why do you say that?
Debbie Reynolds: Two words for you…Eddie Fisher
Ann Miller: I got two more words…Liz Taylor.
Debbie Reynolds: I got three more words…fat, divorced pig! Im kidding! Im kidding! I love Liz! Im kidding!
Elizabeth Berkeley: What are you saying? Did you ever sleep with one of your leading men?
Debbie Reynolds: One of em? Try both of em. Singing In the Rain, 1952. Honey I was the lunch meat in the Gene Kelly, Donald OConner sandwhich.
Ann Miller: (Laughing) Its true, its true.
Debbie Reynolds: Im telling ya. No, really. And they call my daughter Princess Lay-a.
Ann Miller: Shes bad. Honey, I got stories too. Sugar Babies, Micky Rooney, and me. I rode that Rooney from Kalamazoo to Kansas not to mention all the other sugar babies on that tour bus!
Debbie & Ann: (Kicking up their legs) Thats a sore subject!
Debbie Reynolds: Now Lizzie, Lizzie tell me what kind of dancing were you doing in Showgirls? Were you a hoofer or a tapper?
Elizabeth Berkeley: I dont know but I can get up and show you.
Debbie Reynolds: A show! A show!
Ann Miller: The girls got sass! Take it away Lizzie!
(Elizabeth does a provocative dance on a pole. Ann and Debbie look confused)
Elizabeth Berkeley: What do ya think?
Debbie Reynolds: Well Id like to see the rest of that dance but Ive run out of quarters.
Elizabeth Berkeley: Look I dont mean to be disrespectful but I worked extremely hard to get that role!
Debbie Reynolds: I know what you mean honey. I did the same number in Louie B. Mayors office to get “Hit the Deck” in 1955. Remember that? Did I get it Annie?
Ann Miller: She got it, she got it.
Debbie Reynolds: I got it! I got it good!
Elizabeth Berkeley: Im not a whore! Im a dancer!
Debbie Reynolds: Whore whos a dancer, dancer whos a whore….
Elizabeth Berkeley: (Running off stage) Im a dancer!
Ann Miller: Oh Debbie, youre bad.
Debbie Reynolds: To the bone.
Ann Miller: Oh Debbie, you know what that music means?
Debbie Reynolds: It means its time to say good night Annie
Ann Miller: Thats right
(Debbie and Ann get up and sing)
Ann Miller: I sure wish the show wasnt over Debbie
Debbie Reynolds: But Mr. Producer Man says that its time to go
Together:
“We had so much fun with
Elizabeth-fifteen-minutes-of-fame-Berkley
But its time to end the show!
Leg up!”
Ann Miller: Im a mediocre dancer and I made it big
Debbie Reynolds: Im Americas sweetheart and Im wearing a wig
Together: Leg up! Leg up!
Submitted by: Jenni C.
