Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 3
Grayson Moorhead Securities II
Arthur Grayson…..Jim Downey
Narrator: To Arthur Grayson, there was no substitute for knowingthe market.
Arthur Grayson: Clients will rely on us for market expertise. If the day ever comes when a client knows more about the market than we do, copy him. Do what he does.[ SUPER: “Writing Brokers’ Names on Slips of Paper” ]
Once a year, we will write each broker’s name on a slip of paper and then place the slips in a hat. Each broker will then draw a slip of paper from the hat. He will buy a gift for the broker whose name he has drawn. He will be that broker’s “Secret Santa.”[ SUPER: “Drawing Again” ]
If a broker draws his own name from the hat, he will draw again.[ SUPER: “Taking Special Care” ]
We must take special care of the list with each client’s name and the amount of money he has invested. If we were to lose that list, we would be ruined.[ SUPER: “If My Wife Calls” ]
If my wife calls while I’m in shagging my secretary, tell her I’m at a board meeting. That way I’ll be able to continue shagging my secretary without my wife knowing about it.[ SUPER: “the tradition continues…” ]
If my wife were to find out about me and my secretary, that would be bad. As bad as losing the list.