Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 3
Grayson Moorhead Securities II
Arthur Grayson…..Jim Downey
Narrator: To Arthur Grayson, there was no substitute for knowingthe market.
Arthur Grayson: Clients will rely on us for market expertise. If the day ever comes when a client knows more about the market than we do, copy him. Do what he does.[ SUPER: “Writing Brokers’ Names on Slips of Paper” ]
Once a year, we will write each broker’s name on a slip of paper and then place the slips in a hat. Each broker will then draw a slip of paper from the hat. He will buy a gift for the broker whose name he has drawn. He will be that broker’s “Secret Santa.”[ SUPER: “Drawing Again” ]
If a broker draws his own name from the hat, he will draw again.
We must take special care of the list with each client’s name and the amount of money he has invested. If we were to lose that list, we would be ruined.[ SUPER: “If My Wife Calls” ]
If my wife calls while I’m in shagging my secretary, tell her I’m at a board meeting. That way I’ll be able to continue shagging my secretary without my wife knowing about it.[ SUPER: “the tradition continues…” ]
If my wife were to find out about me and my secretary, that would be bad. As bad as losing the list.