SNL Transcripts: David Schwimmer: 10/21/95: Grayson Moorhead Securities II


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 21: Episode 3

95c: David Schwimmer / Natalie Merchant

Grayson Moorhead Securities II

Arthur Grayson…..Jim Downey

Narrator: To Arthur Grayson, there was no substitute for knowingthe market.

Arthur Grayson: Clients will rely on us for market expertise. If the day ever comes when a client knows more about the market than we do, copy him. Do what he does.

[ SUPER: “Writing Brokers’ Names on Slips of Paper” ]

Once a year, we will write each broker’s name on a slip of paper and then place the slips in a hat. Each broker will then draw a slip of paper from the hat. He will buy a gift for the broker whose name he has drawn. He will be that broker’s “Secret Santa.”

[ SUPER: “Drawing Again” ]

If a broker draws his own name from the hat, he will draw again.

[ SUPER: “Taking Special Care” ]

We must take special care of the list with each client’s name and the amount of money he has invested. If we were to lose that list, we would be ruined.

[ SUPER: “If My Wife Calls” ]

If my wife calls while I’m in shagging my secretary, tell her I’m at a board meeting. That way I’ll be able to continue shagging my secretary without my wife knowing about it.

[ SUPER: “the tradition continues…” ]

If my wife were to find out about me and my secretary, that would be bad. As bad as losing the list.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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