SNL Transcripts: Gabriel Byrne: 10/28/95: Marshall Power Tools


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 21: Episode 4

95d: Gabriel Byrne / Alanis Morrisette

Marshall Power Tools

John Marshall, Jr……David Koechner
John Marshall, Sr…..Mark McKinney

John Marshall, Jr.: [ walks through the workshop ] Pride. That’s the feeling you get from working with your hands. I guess that’s the reason my family’s been in the power tool business for over 50 years.. [ raises his arm to reveal a hook where his hand should be ] ..and why the name “Marshall” has come to mean the best in reliable power tools. When you see that Marshall name.. [ taps saw blade with his hook hand ] know it means quality. [ revs up saw blade ] [ over archival footage of the company’s history, including a quick shot of a young John Marshall, Sr. swinging a running table saw toward the camera ]

John Marshall, Jr. V/O: When my dad, John Marshall, Sr., started the Marshall Co. back in 1952, he said if a power saw isn’t twice as sharp as a diamond, and twice as fast as the competition, it isn’t worthy of the Marshall name. [ John Marshall, Sr. tosses a sharp circular blade across the room ]

John Marshall, Jr.: [ back in the modern-day shop ] Right, Dad?

John Marshall, Sr.: [ turns around to reveal false arms and limbs ] Right, Son. But it takes a lot more than sharpness and speed to stay on top for as long as Marshall has. That’s why we’ve made safety.. number one. [ lifts up robotized finger ]

John Marshall, Jr.: But you don’t have to take our word for it. Because you’ve got the guarantee of the entire Marshall Family.

[ entire family shown, all with various false arms, legs and other body parts ]

Marshall Family: Marshall! Proud to be Number One!

[ everyone in the family raises up a single hand, including John Marshall, Jr. holding up his hook hand ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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