Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 7
Grimaldi’s Classic Creations
(Opening shot of a family room beautifully decked in holiday decor. “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” plays throughout the sketch)
Narrator: Christmas. The time for giving and family. And the time when we remember the birth of our Savior. Now those memories come to life, with a Grimaldi’s Classics handcrafted Nativity Scene.
(Mom and Dad gleefully unwrap the set. Mom smiles with delight at the beautiful Baby Jesus figurine.)
Narrator: Now for the first time, you can actually hear the cries of the Christ Child, as He enters into the world. A hidden microchip replicate the Holy Sounds of the Baby Jesus…
(Dad sets the figurine in the center of the Nativity Scene, and the Holy Sounds begin. The sounds that eminate, however, are not the sweet, precious cooing of a newborn infant, but rather a loud, ugly, repetitive braying:)
Figurine: AAAAOOOOWWWWWW….. AAAAOOOWWWWW… AAAAAOOOOOWWWWW… AAAAOOOOOWWWW!
(Mom and Dad each manage faint, slightly confused smiles. Cut to the son’s room, as he is awakened from a sound sleep).
Son: Mommy…what’s that sound?
Mom: Why, it’s Jesus!
Figurine: AAAOOOOWWWW!!!!!…… AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!…. AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!…. AAAAOOOWWWW!!!!
(The sounds disturb the family dog, who sits and stares quizzically at the figurine before adding to the racket with several sharp barks. Cut to Christmas morning, as the family try in vain to ignore the relentless Holy Sounds as it continues to burn itself into thier collective brains..)
Narrator: Your holidays will be even more meaningful with the Son of God filling your house with His majestic innocence (cut to various family members weakly opening thier gifts, staring blankly into the void as they continue to be tortured by the Majestic Innocence and fight the urge to find that “hidden microchip”). It’s a gentle and pleasant reminder that God is *always* with us!
(later that day, as the family pick at thier Christmas feast)
Figurine: AAAOOOOWWWW!!!!…. AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!… AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!…. AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!
Narrator: These Joyous Cries will play throughout the holiday season, both day and night! (AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!…. AAAAOOOOWWWWW!!!!… AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!…. AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!) These Magical Sounds will be heard continuously from Christmas Day until 3 King’s Day on January 6th. So celebrate the true meaning of Christmas this season (AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!!… AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!…. AAAAOOOOWWWW!!!), with a Grimaldi’s Classic Creation. Available at Lord and Taylor, and other fine stores.
Submitted by: Shawn