Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 8
95h: David Alan Grier / Silverchair
The Rocky Roads
Principal…..Molly Shannon
Craig…..Will Ferrell
Terry…..David Alan Grier
Tina…..Nancy Walls
Brad…..Tim Meadows
Principal: Okay, let’s thank Patty Miller, Timmy Jacobson, and Sara Yoder for participating in our Neighborhood Improvement Program. They are our Citizens of the Week! This is for you.. [ hands them a plaque ] You should be very proud of yourselves – terrific! Okay, as you know, it’s Friendship Week.. and we have a very special treat for you. Please give a very warm, Culverdale Elementary School welcome to the Rocky Roads!
[ Rocky Roads step out ]Craig: [ strumming guitar ] Thank you, Principal Richards. We’re the Rocky Roads. I’d like to thank the good people here at Culverdale Elementary, for being so great. You’re proably thinking, “Hey! What’s with a name like the Rocky Roads?”
Black Guys: We’re the chocolate!
White Guy & Girl: We’re the marshmallow!
Terry: And we’re all just a little nuts!
[ they laugh ]Craig: But, really! Our goal today is to learn about ourselves, think about ourselves..
Terry: And have a whole lot of fun while we do it!
Craig: Yeah! You bet, Terry! Hey! Who likes to learn? Boo-oo-oo! Right! Well, not today. Check out Terry, Tina, and Brad as they take themselves down an all-too-familiar road. [ strums his guitar and slides offscreen ]
Brad: Hey, New Girl, what’s your name?
Tina: Sally.
Terry: That’s not what I heard. I heard it was “Honky Cracker”.
Brad: That’s what I heard, too, “Honky Cracker”!
Tina: [ weeps ]
Craig: Freeze it! [ they freeze ] Hey, how do you think the new girl felt when the guys called her a “Honky Cracker”? Yeah, right, she felt hurt, that’s how she felt. Let’s see what happens this time, when Terry and Brad decide to be nice first. [ strums guitar and slides offscreen again ]
Brad: Hey, New Girl, what’s your name?
Tina: Sally.
Terry: Wow.. that’s what I heard! I heard it was Sally!
Brad: Hey, that’s what I heard, too! Would you like to go to myhouse, and listen to some records?
Tina: Sure!
[ music plays, as the Rocky Roads get up and sing ]Rocky roads: “Black, white!
Yellow, white!
Red, white!
Outta site!”
Brad: “People everywhere are different.”
Craig: “We all have different skin.”
Tina: “It don’t matter what you look like.”
Terry: “All that matters is what’s within.”
Brad: “You may be a joker.”
Craig: “Or maybe a straight-A whiz.”
Tina: “You may be king of the nation.”
Terry: “But the only thing that matters is..”
Rocky roads: “Black, white!
Yellow, white!
Red, white!
Outta site!
Outta site!”
Craig: Hey, man, that song really brought it all together for me!
Terry: Well, hey, if you can groove on that, maybe you can really groove on this!
Craig: Hey, that looks like drugs.
Tina: Drugs?! Don’t be laying that ol’ jive on Craig!
Terry: Hey, what’s the matter? Ain’t you tough enough?![ breaks character and addresses the students ] There! You know, you’ve heard it a million times – “Ain’t you tough enough to do drugs?” But what they don’t tell you, man, is that they’re too weak to quit! I mean, why do you think they call it “dope”?
Craig: Word.
Brad: That’s because the only people who do drugs are the “Freaky People”.
Rocky Roads: [ singing ]“Freaky People. Freaky People. Freaky People. Freaky People.”
Brad: “Come into your neighborhood.”
Tina: “Freaky People, never up to any good.”
Terry: “Never left with any hope.”
Craig: “The only thing they got is dope.”
Rocky Roads: “No good! Shifty eyed!”
Terry: “I remember the day they made my sister cry!”
Rocky Roads: “Pushin’ dope! Gettin’ high!”
Terry: “Where were you when my best friend died!”
Brad: Somebody gave me some bad joint!
Craig: I can fly!
Tina: Stop!
Rocky Roads: “Freaky People!”
Terry: So, if you run into a Freaky Person..
Tina: Tell him and his Freaky Friends to take a hike!
Brad: And you can tell them the Rocky Roads said so!
Craig: You sure can! So, go back to class, and we’ll see you inabout two weeks!
[ fade out ]