SNL Transcripts: Madeline Kahn: 12/16/95: John-John Mackey Storm Tracker Accu-Cast

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 21: Episode 9

95i: Madeline Kahn / Bush

John-John Mackey Storm Tracker Accu-Cast

Lame Weatherman…..Will Ferrell
John-John Mackey…..Tim Meadows

[ open on a lame weather report ]

Lame Weatherman: So this low pressure systme is going to be very active. We’re ognna have a cold front that’s gonna push through – it’s really gonna result in some precipitation, so you may want to bundle up and put on your galoshes..

Announcer: Are you tired of little boys trying to talk like weatherman, telling you what the weather may or may not be? Then turn to News 4’s John-John Mackey and his Storm Tracker Accu-Cast. John-John doesn’t just tell you about the weather. He grabs that bastard weather and pounds it into little, pathetic shards. Then shoves those shards into your pink, puffy face.

John-John Mackey: I’ll get you inside the storm! I’ll let youlive the storm, be the storm! And then, baby, I’ll make you love that storm Froggy-Style!

Announcer: So, if you want to hear vague forecasts full of hot air – watch someone else. But for Storm Tracker in Accu-Cast, turn to John-John Mackey, who will fill every hole you’ve got with the latest breaking weather! So, when you want to know what storm is breaking, count on John-John Mackey to lasso the storm, take it apart, and show you how sad it really is.

John-John Mackey: When I see a storm front coming, I’m all, “What’s up, bitch?!” And the storm is all, “Not, much, Sir.” And I’m all, “That’s right, bitch! Now, go make me a sandwich!” And you want that kind of confidence in your weatherman!

Announcer: “Confidence.” So, for earlier warnings, more accurate forecasts, count on News 4’s John-John Mackey and his Storm Tracker Accu-Cast! When the weather leaves its house, John-John bangs its wife. “Confidence.”

John-John Mackey: Weekdays, 7 and 11, Channel 4 Pulse News. Be there!

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