SNL Transcripts: Madeline Kahn: 12/16/95: John-John Mackey Storm Tracker Accu-Cast

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 9



95i: Madeline Kahn / Bush

John-John Mackey Storm Tracker Accu-Cast

Lame Weatherman…..Will Ferrell
John-John Mackey…..Tim Meadows

[ open on a lame weather report ]

Lame Weatherman: So this low pressure systme is going to be very active. We’re ognna have a cold front that’s gonna push through – it’s really gonna result in some precipitation, so you may want to bundle up and put on your galoshes..

Announcer: Are you tired of little boys trying to talk like weatherman, telling you what the weather may or may not be? Then turn to News 4’s John-John Mackey and his Storm Tracker Accu-Cast. John-John doesn’t just tell you about the weather. He grabs that bastard weather and pounds it into little, pathetic shards. Then shoves those shards into your pink, puffy face.

John-John Mackey: I’ll get you inside the storm! I’ll let youlive the storm, be the storm! And then, baby, I’ll make you love that storm Froggy-Style!

Announcer: So, if you want to hear vague forecasts full of hot air – watch someone else. But for Storm Tracker in Accu-Cast, turn to John-John Mackey, who will fill every hole you’ve got with the latest breaking weather! So, when you want to know what storm is breaking, count on John-John Mackey to lasso the storm, take it apart, and show you how sad it really is.

John-John Mackey: When I see a storm front coming, I’m all, “What’s up, bitch?!” And the storm is all, “Not, much, Sir.” And I’m all, “That’s right, bitch! Now, go make me a sandwich!” And you want that kind of confidence in your weatherman!

Announcer: “Confidence.” So, for earlier warnings, more accurate forecasts, count on News 4’s John-John Mackey and his Storm Tracker Accu-Cast! When the weather leaves its house, John-John bangs its wife. “Confidence.”

John-John Mackey: Weekdays, 7 and 11, Channel 4 Pulse News. Be there!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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