Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 9
Madeline Kahn’s Monologue
… Madeline Kahn
Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen, MadelineKahn!
Madeline Kahn: [a fabulous redhead dressed inleather] Thank you, it’s great to be here. Ah, thankyou so much, it’s such a pleasure to be hosting, uh,Saturday Night Live again. It’s been eighteen years.Yes. Last time I hosted this show was in 1977. Yeah,it seemed to go really well. And, um …
So, uh, I – I picked out, you know, I picked out theperfect song to perform for my next visit which ofcourse I assumed would be, you know, sometime in 1978….
But 1978 passed, you know, and, um, no phone call fromthe show. Anyway, uh, 1979, ‘kay? Still rehearsing …the song. Then came the ’80s, um– The entire ’80s,actually. … And then the ’90s arrived and it seemedvery promising, you know … what with the miracle offiber optics and so on. …
Finally, in 1994, phone rings – it’s Lorne’s office,calling to say they were looking for Madeline. Stowe,Madeline Stowe. …
Eventually, the call DID come and I knew it would. Sohere I am. Still got the song. And now I would like toperform it for you. [cheers and applause, saxophonistsLenny Pickett and Lino Gomez approach and stand behindMadeline]
[with great dignity] It is called, “Ain’t Got No Home”by Clarence “Frogman” Henry. …
[Pickett leads the band into this rollicking rock ‘n’roll tune and the crowd claps along as Madeline takesa hand mike and sings:]
Ain’t got no home
A-no place to roam
Ain’t got no home
A-no place to roam
I’m a lonely boy
I ain’t got a home
But I got a voice
And I loves to sing
And I sing like a girl
I sing like a frog
I’m a lonely boy
I ain’t got a home
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
[girl’s voice:]
I ain’t got a man
I ain’t got a son
I ain’t got a daughter
I ain’t got no one
I’m a lonely girl
I ain’t got a home
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
[frog’s voice:]
I ain’t got a mother
I ain’t got a father
I ain’t got a sister
Not even a brother
I’m a lonely frog
I ain’t got a home
Oh, what you say to me
Please say to me
Oh, what you say to me
Please say to me
I’m a lonely frog
I ain’t got a home
[girl’s voice:]
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo
[frog’s voice:] Ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-ooo ooo-oooooo
[girl’s voice:]
I’m a lonely girl
I ain’t got a home
[song ends, lengthy cheers and applause]
We’ve got a great show. [applause continues] Thankyou. Dream come true! Dream come true! Stop now![crowd quiets] Got a great show. Bush is here. [cheersand applause] Stick around, we’ll be rightback.
Submitted Anonymously
