Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 12
The Kevin Franklin Show
Kevin Franklin….Tim Meadows
Writer off camera….Will Ferrell
[Opens with the Kevin Franklin Show logo] [Actor Danny Aiello and rapper Coolio sit on Kevin’s TV show]
Announcer: Welcome to the Kevin Franklin Show. The program that discusses the issues people are talking about. And now your host, Kevin Franklin.
Kevin Franklin: Hi and welcome to the show. My first guest is Danny Aiello. He’s an actor who can currently be seen in the film “City Hall” directed by Harold Becker. And Danny also received an Academy Award nomination for his role in “Do The Right Thing”. Danny, welcome to the show.
Danny Aiello: Thanks, Kevin. Its good to be here.
Kevin Franklin: Now filming “Do The Right Thing” had to be quite an interesting experience, especially since you were the only white actor in a predominantly black film.
Danny Aiello: Yeah, well it was a great experience. Spike Lee made things very comfortable for me, even though we were dealing with an explosive and divisive topic.
Kevin Franklin: Uh-huh, so you must have felt guilty about taking a role from a black man.
Danny Aiello: Guilty? Well no, because the story is about a confrontation between a black man and a white man. So my part had to be played by a white actor. The story hinged on it.
Kevin Franklin: So obviously you’re doing a pretty good job of rationalizing what you did even though what you did was wrong.
Danny Aiello: [getting pissed] What are you talking about? It would’ve been ridiculous for a black actor to play the part. The only way the film would’ve worked is to realistically depict the conflict between the races.
Kevin Franklin: So you’re telling me two black actors couldn’t depict a conflict between a black man and a white man?!
Danny Aiello:[angry] Yes! Yes! That’s what I’m SAYING!!
Kevin Franklin: [thinks about it] I’m sorry. I’m terribly wrong. I’m sorry. Our next guest is the rapper Coolio. He recently scored a number one hit with the song “Gangsta Paradise”. Thank you for being here Coolio.
Coolio: Its cool but I have to say, I agree with Danny about the casting thing.
Kevin Franklin: Well, I said I was sorry already, ok? Now Coolio, rap is dead. No one’s buying it, no one’s listening to it, no one’s recording it. So, um, it really peaked ten years ago when “The Fat Boys” were in their heyday and now the most successful rap artists of that time are either in polka bands or farmers. How do you respond to that?
Coolio: Whatchu’ talking about fool?! Rap is bigger than its ever been. Its become more diverse and has affected almost every style of popular music.
Kevin Franklin: Well, we can spend the rest of the show trying to get you to come to grips with the total demise of your art form or we can talk about more pleasant things.
Coolio: Yo’ man, I should bitch-slap you.
Kevin Franklin: Well Coolio, don’t shoot the messenger, ok? I’m only stating what everyone already knows. And the sooner you can accept it, the sooner you can get started with your polka career.
Coolio: Listen bitch! I sold over two million albums last year. Snoop Dog sold over four million albums last year. And Dr.Dre’s and his album both went platinum. So clearly rap is alive and kicking.
Kevin Franklin: So you expect me to believe that just because you sold two million records and Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr.Dre’s records both went platinum….
Coolio:[angry] You’re damn straight!!!
Kevin Franklin: I’m sorry. I’m terribly wrong. I apologize. Ok, let’s take a caller…
Coolio: You about to get a serious ass whipping after the show, man.
Kevin Franklin: Go ahead, caller.
Caller: [over the phone] Yes, um yesterday on your show you said that they should institute mandatory drug testing for the Special Olympics. Because there’s rampant use of illegal drugs and steroids amongst the athletes?
Kevin Franklin: Yes. And your question is?
Caller: I just think you’re wrong.
Kevin Franklin: Oh, really? Well let me ask you ma’am. Are you a special Olympian?
Caller: No, I’m a housewife.
Kevin Franklin: Housewife? [scoffs] Well then you should shut your pie hole and talk about knitting or something you know more about.
Coolio: Yo’ man! Why don’t you chill?
Danny Aiello:[upset] You know, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve done volunteer work for the Special Olympics. Its all about kids participating and having a good time. Its not about competition. So the kids, they have no reason to be on illegal drugs.
Kevin Franklin: So you’re gonna sit there and say to me that because the Special Olympics is all about fun and no competition, that none of the kids use illegal drugs to enhance their performances?
Danny Aiello: [in a rage] YEAH!!!
Kevin Franklin: I’m sorry. I’m terribly wrong. Ma’am thanks for your call. Well that’s about all the time we have but before I go I’d like to respond to a letter I received regarding a commentary I did entitled “The Holocaust was a myth”. I’m sorry. I was terribly wrong. I stand corrected. In the future I’ll make sure that I proofread any commentaries written by our writers here on the show.
Writer off camera: YOU WROTE THAT COMMENTARY!!
Kevin Franklin: I did. I’m sorry. I was terribly wrong. I’d like to thank Danny Aiello.
Danny Aiello:[fuming] Whatever.
Kevin Franklin: And Coolio.
Coolio:[menacingly] Shut up, bitch!
Kevin Franklin: We’ll see you next week. Goodbye.[Kevin keeps apologizing, Danny and Coolio ignore Kevin] [The Kevin Franklin logo] [cheers and applause] [ fade ]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel