SNL Transcripts: Tom Arnold: 02/17/96: Petchow Rat Poison



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 13




95m: Tom Arnold / Tupac Shakur

Petchow Rat Poison

Hank Petchow…..Will Ferrell

[ open on Hank Petchow running through the snow with his dog Shep ]

Hank Petchow: Come on, Shep! Here we go!

Voiceover: Like most dog owners, I really enjoy playing with my dog.

[ cut to interior, Petchow household ]

Hank Petchow: Hi! I’m Hank Petchow. I love my dog, and I love taking care of him. But as much as I like feeding ol’ Shep here every morning, there’s some animals I’d rather not feed – rodents, mice, rats. I hate them. That’s why I developed this. Petchow Brand Rat Poison. Petchow’s the only rat poison deadly enough to carry my name – Petchow. And Petchow’s the most powerful rat poison on the market. In fact, it’s so strong, it could easily kill an animal much larger than any rat you’ll ever see – instant. And rats love Petchow’s big meaty pieces. [ Shep jumps up to the bowl of rat poison ] Whoa, no, Shep! That’s rat poison! [ moves Shep ] Just add water for ahearty poison gravy that no rat can resist. He’ll be dead on the spot.Right, Shep? [ Shep barks and moves closer to the rat poison gravy ] Whoa, Shep! Down, boy, that’s not for you! [ laughs ] So, if rats are your problem, choose a name you can trust. Petchow. Just look for the rat poison with a picture of ol’ Shep on it.

[ show two dogs sitting on each side of the Petchow package ]

Jingle: “Petchow. Arf arf. Petchow. Arf arf. Petchow.Arf arf. Rat poison.”

Announcer: Petchow. The one they can’t resist.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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