Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 13
Petchow Rat Poison
Hank Petchow…..Will Ferrell
[ open on Hank Petchow running through the snow with his dog Shep ]
Hank Petchow: Come on, Shep! Here we go!
Voiceover: Like most dog owners, I really enjoy playing with my dog.[ cut to interior, Petchow household ]
Hank Petchow: Hi! I’m Hank Petchow. I love my dog, and I love taking care of him. But as much as I like feeding ol’ Shep here every morning, there’s some animals I’d rather not feed – rodents, mice, rats. I hate them. That’s why I developed this. Petchow Brand Rat Poison. Petchow’s the only rat poison deadly enough to carry my name – Petchow. And Petchow’s the most powerful rat poison on the market. In fact, it’s so strong, it could easily kill an animal much larger than any rat you’ll ever see – instant. And rats love Petchow’s big meaty pieces. [ Shep jumps up to the bowl of rat poison ] Whoa, no, Shep! That’s rat poison! [ moves Shep ] Just add water for ahearty poison gravy that no rat can resist. He’ll be dead on the spot.Right, Shep? [ Shep barks and moves closer to the rat poison gravy ] Whoa, Shep! Down, boy, that’s not for you! [ laughs ] So, if rats are your problem, choose a name you can trust. Petchow. Just look for the rat poison with a picture of ol’ Shep on it.
Jingle: “Petchow. Arf arf. Petchow. Arf arf. Petchow.Arf arf. Rat poison.”
Announcer: Petchow. The one they can’t resist.