SNL Transcripts: Phil Hartman: 03/23/96


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 21: Episode 16

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


March 23rd, 1996

Phil Hartman

Gin Blossoms


Lorne Michaels

Adam McKay

Paula Pell

Dennis McNicholas
Heston’s Advice to DoleSummary: Charlton Heston (Phil Hartman) gives Bob Dole an image makeover.

Recurring Characters: Bob Bole, Charlton Heston.


Phil Hartman’s MonologueSummary: After having performed an exceptional number of impressions over the years, Phil Hartman has lost sense of his real identity.

Also Hosted: 96g.


BugOffSummary: The roach motel that lets you torture roaches for a cheap thrill!

Note: Repeat from 11/11/95.

Leg UpSummary: Debbie Reynolds (Cheri Oteri) and Ann Miller (Molly Shannon) on a bygone era with Frank Sinatra (Phil Hartman).

Recurring Characters: Debbie Reynolds, Ann Miller, Frank Sinatra.

Acting classSummary: Acting teacher Bobby Coldsman (Phil Hartman) abuses his class of acting hopefuls while name-dropping the likes of Gordon Jump.
Recurring Characters: Bobby Coldsman, Troy, Brian, Kelley.


Roxbury GuysSummary: Brothers Steve (Will Ferrell) and Doug Butabi (Chris Kattan) try to attract women at the Roxbury club.

Recurring Characters: Doug Butabi, Steve Butabi.


Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: Frankenstein (Phil Hartman) makes a quick comment on budget cutbacks. Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond) comments about how black actors are being snubbed during the Academy Awards.
Recurring Characters: Frankenstein, Jesse Jackson.


Gin Blossoms performs “Follow You Down”

You’re The ManSummary: While attempting an arrest, police office (Phil Hartman) tells guntoting Johnny DeSanto (Chris Kattan) that he’s the man.

Spade in AmericaSummary: David Spade delivers a movie-oriented Hollywood Minute.

Unfrozen Caveman LawyerSummary: Naive-acting Cirroc (Phil Hartman) defends a tobacco company.

Recurring Characters: Cirroc.


Gin Blossoms performs “Memphis Time”

TaddliSummary: Talk show host Taddli (Mark McKinney) chastises his pot-smoking guests.

Fuzzy MemoriesSummary: Jack Handey remembers the time as a kid when he stuck his head out of the car window and accidentally knocked a dog’s head off.

Note: Repeat from 12/16/95.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Uncle JohnSummary: Uncle John (Phil Hartman) engages in peculiar vices while recording a commercial for his buttermilk flapjacks.

Note: This sketch appears as a bonus feature on the Best of Phil Hartman DVD.


SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x