SNL Transcripts: Steve Forbes: 04/13/96

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 17


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April 13th, 1996

Steve Forbes

Rage Against The Machine

None

Adam McKay

Paula Pell
Unabomber Class ReunionSummary: While in shackles, Unabomber Ted Kaczynski (Will Ferrell) attends his college reunion and meets up with old friends.

Recurring Characters: Ted Kaczynski.

Transcript

Montage

Steve Forbes’ MonologueSummary: Steve Forbes answers audience questions about his proposed Flat Tax and massive wealth.

Grayson Moorhead Securities ISummary: Arthur Grayson (Jim Downey) outlines his investment principles, including keeping a list of how much money each client has invested and to feign listening to the client.

Note: Repeat from 10/21/95.

Drill Sergeant Suel ForresterSummary: Mumbly Sgt. Suel Forrester (Chris Kattan) reduces his soldiers to tears.

Recurring Characters: Suel Forrester.

NightlineSummary: A smug Steve Forbes won’t admit to having authored a slanderous tell-all book about the year’s Republican candidates.
Recurring Characters: Ted Koppel, Pat Buchanan, Bob Dole.

Transcript

Rita DelvecchioSummary: A college recruiter (Steve Forbes) visits Rita Delvecchio’s (Cheri Oteri) porch.

Recurring Characters: Rita Delvecchio.

Forbes on ForbesSummary: Steve Forbes’ dropout from the presidential race is bad news for his impressionist, Mark McKinney.
Recurring Characters: Steve Forbes.

Transcript

Grayson Moorhead Securities IISummary: Arthur Grayson (Jim Downey) outlines more of his investment principles, including what to do if his wife cals while he’s shagging his secretary.

Note: Repeat from 10/21/95.

Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: Fred Wolf comments on recent personalized mail requests he’s received.

Rage Against The Machine performs “Bulls On Parade”Note: To show their opposition to Steve Forbes and his politics, the members of Rage Against the Machine hung two upside-down American flags from their amps, their metaphor for the inverted nature of American democracy. SNL and NBC sent stagehands to remove the flags before their performance, and the band was then asked to leave the building at the completion of that performance. The band had also planned on performing their song, “Bullet in the Head.”

RoofersSummary: A trio of roofers (Colin Quinn, David Koechner, Steve Forbes) slack off while on the job.

Seattle TodaySummary: While examining his sketch of the Unabomber suspect, Stan Hooper (Norm MacDonald) admits to his artistic shortcomings.

Recurring Characters: Stan Hooper.

Transcript

Fuzzy MemoriesSummary: Jack Handey recalls the time he splashed a kid with a puddle.

Gerald TibbinsSummary: Steve Forbes gets a haircut from barber student Gerald “T-Bone” Tibbins (David Koechner).

Recurring Characters: Gerald Tibbins.

Recurring Characters: Gerald Tibbins.Summary: Wartime romantic barbs between Johnny Jones (Chris Kattan) and Dottie the waitress (Molly Shannon).

Florida BugsSummary: An angry bug (Jim Breuer) yells at a motorist (Steve Forbes) for hitting his brother (Chris Kattan) with his car.

Goodnights

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