Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 21: Episode 19
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
May 11th, 1996
Christine Baranski
The Cure
None
Dennis Rodman
Ryn Shiraki
Wally Feresten
Hugh Fink
Steve Higgins
Paula Pell
Joe Dicso
Andy Murphy
Adam McKay
Dole/Rodman ’96Summary: Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) announces his selection of Dennis Rodman for his running mate.
Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw, Bob Dole, Christiane Amanpour, Bobbi Batista.
Montage
Christine Baranski’s MonologueSummary: During an audience Q&A session, Christine Baranski is made the victim of numerous Polish jokes.
A.M. AleSummary: Why wait until the afternoon, when you start your morning off right.
Note: Repeat from 09/30/95.
The Courtney Love ShowSummary: Courtney Love (Molly Shannon) interviews Marge Schott (Darrell Hammond) and Julie Andrews (Christine Baranski).
Recurring Characters: Courtney Love.
Transcript
Get Off The Shed IISummary: Frank Henderson (Will Ferrell) yells at kids again.
Recurring Characters: Frank Henderson.
Transcript
20 Years and One WeekSummary: Barbara Walters (Cheri Oteri) reviews decades worth of celebrity interview clips.
Recurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Loni Anderson, Sean Penn, Tony Orlando, Richard Dreyfuss, Menachim Begin, Anwar Sadat, Burt Reynolds.
The Cure performs “Mint Car”
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: Gary MacDonald (David Koechner) tries to do “Weekend Update” as a gift for his and Norm’s mom. Dennis Rodman flamboyantly reviews his new book.
Recurring Characters: Gary MacDonald.
Nightclub SingerSummary: An off-key nightclub singer Sally Kings (Christine Baranski) receives audience sympathy because she’s terminally ill.
Spade in AmericaSummary: David Spade’s biggest fans, Lucien (David Koechner) and Fagin (Mark McKinney), spend the day with him.
Recurring Characters: Lucien, Fagin.
Rolf on Death RowSummary: Rolf (Colin Quinn) gossips with his fellow death row inmates.
Recurring Characters: Rolf.
Goat Boy Sings Popular Songs of the 80’sSummary: Lab experiment Goat Boy (Jim Breuer)sings popular 80’s hits.
Recurring Characters: Goat Boy.
New Personality TraitsSummary: Employee Brian Hughes (Jim Breuer) drastically changes his personality in order to win approval from his employers (Christine Baranski, Will Ferrell).
The Cure performs “Inbetween Days”
1-600-LANSINGSummary: Phone sex catered especially for residents of Lansing.
Fuzzy MemoriesSummary: Jack Handey recalls a haunted house.
Goodnights
The Monologue starts with people in the audience asking Christine Baranski about her being from a Polish theater family. Person after person asks her questions based on old Polish jokes (of the “Polish people are stupid” variety), such as whether the Polish space program was going to land people on the sun at night when it wouldn’t be hot, or whether the Polish Navy has really put screen doors on their submarines. Offended, Christine says that this is terribly offensive to the Polish people, particularly her entire family who are in the audience. The house lights go up, showing a large group of people in polka outfits. Four of them are spinning a ladder, atop which is one man holding a lightbulb.