SNL Transcripts: Christine Baranski: 05/11/96: Get Off The Shed II



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 19


95s: Christine Baranski / The Cure

Get Off The Shed II

Frank…..Will Ferrell
Shirley…..Christine Baranski

Frank: (Said Over Happy Birthday) Brandon, Michael, c’mon cake time, guys?

(Cheering)

Susan: Did you make a wish honey?

Johnny: Yeah

Susan: Good

Frank: I hope you wished for a high yield mutual fund. (Laughter)

Tom: You son of a gun Frank.

Susan: Alright, who wants cake?

Kids: me me me!

Tom: Frank, Susan, are Brandon and Michael coming?

Frank: Yeah, I called them I just don’t know where they went to.

Shirley: oh no wait, there they are on top of the tool shed honey.

Frank: Oh, hey Brandon, Michael, would you do me and mom a favor and get off that shed, c’mon guys I need you to be a buddy, get off the shed. What do you say, cake time, here we go c’mon.

Shirley: I’ll take a small piece and I mean small. Hey guys your dad wasn’t joking lets get off the shed.

Susan: Ya know Johnny did you thank Brandon and Michael’s parents for giving you the lion king video.

Johnny: Oh thank you

Frank: Oh you’re welcome son, I just hope you enjoy watching it as much as Brandon and Michael do. GET OFF THE SHED!!

Shirley: Ya know our boys must have watched that tape 500 times, we ended up having to buy a new tape.

Frank: True story

Shirley: GET OFF THE DAMN SHED!

Tom: Well, you know our kids just love Disney.

Susan: Oh yeah, every movie we buy is Disney. All: Yeah

Shirley: Pretty soon they’ll be running the government.

All: (Laughter)

Shirley: I WILL SHOVE YOU TWO BACK INTO MY WOMB IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THE SHED! You know, what a great day for a party.

Frank: Yeah Yeah

Shirley: I was talking to Jan Vixson just last Friday and she was telling me that (cut off)

Frank: I WILL DRIVE YOU OUT TO THE DESERT AND LEAVE YOU THERE FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH OF AUGUST IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT SHED!!

Shirley: I telling a story. I’m telling a story

Frank: Sorry

Shirley: Anyway, she was just saying how hard it is to find good entertainment for a kid’s party. I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE PHILIPPIANS AND SELL YOUR KIDNEYS ON THE BLACK MARKET IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT SHED!

Johnny: Mommy, why are the man and the lady yelling?

Susan: I don’t know, just don’t go near the shed.

Frank: So hey birthday boy, how’s it feel to be nine?

Johnny: Scared.

Frank: That’s adorable. I WILL DOUSE YOU IN GASOLINE AND LIGHT YOU ON FIRE LIKE THAT BUDDHIST MONK IN VIETNAM IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT DAMN SHED!!

Shirley: IF YOU DON’T GET DOWN FROM THAT DAMN SHED I WILL LEGALLY CHANGE YOUR NAMES TO FRUIT AND WUSSY!

Frank: I WILL TAKE YOU INTO A DARK ALLEY AND FIGHT YOU IF YOU AREN’T DOWN IN TWO SECONDS!!!!

Shirley: HE WILL DO THAT AND I WILL VIDEOTAPE IT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IT EVERY CHRISTMAS MORNING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES! Together-GET OF THE SHED! GET OFF THAT SHED!

Frank: GET OFF! Michael: Dad, we’re right here.

Brandon: We were inside playing Nintendo the whole time.

Frank: Oh. Sorry kids, I don’t have my contacts in. Hey, let’s have some cake eh?

Submitted by: Andrew

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