SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 09/28/96


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 22: Episode 1

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


September 28th, 1996

Tom Hanks

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers


Kerri Strug

Andy Murphy
ABC News Election ReportSummary: Peter Jennings (Tom Hanks) moderates as President Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond), Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) and Ross Perot (Cheri Oteri) bicker during their debate.

Recurring Characters: Peter Jennings, President Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Ross Perot, Al Gore.


Tom Hanks’ MonologueSummary: Tom Hanks reads the Oscar acceptance speech he disn’t get to use this year.

Also Hosted: 85e, 87l, 88a, 89m, 90h, 91s, 05q.

Big Brawn Feminine NapkinsSummary: When it comes to feminine hygeine, Big Brawn equates the feeling of a lumberjack (Will Ferrell) between your knees.


The Roxbury GuysSummary: Another new club hopper (Tom Hanks) joins Steve (Will Ferrell) and Doug Butabi (Chris Kattan) in a wild night carousing, hitting on women, and landing in jail.

Recurring Characters: Doug Butabi, Steve Butabi.


Hey, Remember The 80’sSummary: Goat Boy (Jim Breuer) hosts an 80’s flashback show on M-TV.

Recurring Characters: Goat Boy, Tina Yothers, William “The Refrigerator” Perry.

Spartan CheerleadersSummary: Craig (Will Ferrell) and Arianna (Cheri Oteri) are visited by the Spartan Spirit (Tom Hanks).

Recurring Characters: Craig, Arianna.

TV FunhouseSummary: Superheroes Ace and Gary, the Ambiguously Gay Duo, fall victim to a trap set by their nemesis Big Head, who yearns for world domination and the opportunity to out his foes.


Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: M-TV airhead Kincaid (Ana Gasteyer) references past TV shows during her commentary. Kerry Strug and her brother Kippy (Chris Kattan) discuss their experiences at the Olympics in Atlanta.

Recurring Characters: Kincaid.


Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers performs “Walls”

The Tonight Show with Jay LenoSummary: Missing link Mr. Peepers (Chris Kattan) wreaks havoc on the set of “The Tonight Show.”

Recurring Characters: Jay Leno, Andie MacDowell, Mr. Peepers.


Creativity TestSummary: Mr. Tolson (Tom Hanks) finds it an arduous challenge to come up with one original thought.

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers performs “Angel Dream”

Classic Sing-along with the Drunken AssesSummary: They love to sing, but they’re too drunk to remember the lyrics.

Brief HistoriesSummary: Cannibalism within the Donner Party is recalled.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Mary Katherine GallagherSummary: Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon) participates in a school production of MacBeth.

Recurring Characters: Mary Katherine Gallagher, Patrick.


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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