Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 1
96a: Tom Hanks / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
The Roxbury Guys
Steve Butabi…..Will Ferrell
Doug Butabi…..Chris Kattan
Fellow Roxbury Guy…..Tom Hanks
Music: What is Love by Haddaway.[Open to 921 E. 15th St. Apt. 3B, outside, 9:00 PM] [Cut to the Roxbury Brothers bathroom, in which Steve, Doug, and their fellow member are bopping their heads while brushing their teeth. They turn around, spit out the mix of water and toothpaste, and wipe their mouths with towels, which they throw away soon after. They then spray their hair with hairspray, and blow-dry it. Steve sprays hair gel everywhere, and they leave]
Cut to The China Club, 10:15 PM] [Cut to the inside of the China Club, where everyone is dancing. Still dancing, they back away, and we see the Roxbury Guys, still bopping their heads. They turn around while drinking wine out of bottles.]
Doug Butabi: [Gets infront of the 3] Hey, hey! You wanna dance with us? You wanna dance with me, huh? No? Right [Returns to the bar]
Steve Butabi: [Gets infront of the 3] Hey, you wanna dance? No? Okay!
Fellow Roxbury Guy: Hey! Haha! Cmon! You wanna dance with me? No? Okay.
Steve, Doug, and Fellow Roxbury Guy: [They see a woman come in, who has a glass of milk, and unexpectedly bounce her around with their chests. Her drink is splashing everywhere on the Guys clothes] HEY! YEAH! How ya doin? Yeah!
Woman: [Panicking] Ahhh!!! [She runs off, screaming]
Steve, Doug, and Fellow Roxbury Guy: [mumbling happily to themselves, Thinking they scored]
Fellow Roxbury Guy: [Speaking gibberish, and pointing to where the woman left. They run over there, then the crowd dances into the screen and again] [Cut to the door of the mens bathroom] [Cut inside the mens bathroom, in which the Roxbury Guys are urinating while bopping their heads up and down. The woman from earlier appears and taps Steves back, and police officers come in, taking them away.They quickly zip their zippers up, yelling angrily]
Steve, Doug, and Fellow Roxbury Guy: Me? Him? No, me? Him? Me? Heh? Him? Me?[Cut to a man with a teal shirt, handcuffed] [Cut to Rikers Island, (an island for prisoners), Midnight] [Cut to the Guys prison cell, their heads still bopping] [A police officers comes and unlocks their cell]
Doug Butabi: Hey! All right!
Steve Butabi: Yeah! Ha, all right!
Fellow Roxbury Guy: Me? Oh me? Yeah![The Fellow Guy and Steve leave the cell, but Doug is still left in there in the cell]
Doug Butabi: Heey! Wha, wha, wha, whaaat? [Fellow prisoners come in] Okay! Yeah! [Two fat prisoners bounce Doug around with their stomachs] Wha wha wha whaaaaat! Whoa, whoa! Aah!
Submitted by: Lonnie Fukuda