Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 1
The Roxbury Guys
Steve Butabi…..Will Ferrell
Doug Butabi…..Chris Kattan
Fellow Roxbury Guy…..Tom Hanks
Music: What is Love by Haddaway.[Open to 921 E. 15th St. Apt. 3B, outside, 9:00 PM] [Cut to the Roxbury Brothers bathroom, in which Steve, Doug, and their fellow member are bopping their heads while brushing their teeth. They turn around, spit out the mix of water and toothpaste, and wipe their mouths with towels, which they throw away soon after. They then spray their hair with hairspray, and blow-dry it. Steve sprays hair gel everywhere, and they leave] [Cut to a busy New York street at 10:00 PM, with the Roxbury Guys bopping their heads while walking. On the way, they see a beggar with 3 buckets. The Roxbury Guys take them, and do John Travolta’s strut from “Saturday Night Fever” as The Bee Gees’ “Staying Alive” plays. As they are about to enter the subway, they throw the buckets, and What is Love starts playing again. They then walk down the stairs to the subway train] [Cut to the outside of Train #1, 10:05 PM] [Cut to the inside of Train #1, with the 3 Roxbury Guys bopping their heads; Steve has a boom box with him, which is playing What is Love] [A fat African American man walks in, and stares at Steve strangely. The music stops. As the man leaves, the music turns back on again, and the guys continue to bop their heads.] [Cut to the outside-front of Train #1]
Cut to The China Club, 10:15 PM] [Cut to the inside of the China Club, where everyone is dancing. Still dancing, they back away, and we see the Roxbury Guys, still bopping their heads. They turn around while drinking wine out of bottles.]
Doug Butabi: [Gets infront of the 3] Hey, hey! You wanna dance with us? You wanna dance with me, huh? No? Right [Returns to the bar]
Steve Butabi: [Gets infront of the 3] Hey, you wanna dance? No? Okay!
Fellow Roxbury Guy: Hey! Haha! Cmon! You wanna dance with me? No? Okay.
Steve, Doug, and Fellow Roxbury Guy: [They see a woman come in, who has a glass of milk, and unexpectedly bounce her around with their chests. Her drink is splashing everywhere on the Guys clothes] HEY! YEAH! How ya doin? Yeah!
Woman: [Panicking] Ahhh!!! [She runs off, screaming]
Steve, Doug, and Fellow Roxbury Guy: [mumbling happily to themselves, Thinking they scored]
Fellow Roxbury Guy: [Speaking gibberish, and pointing to where the woman left. They run over there, then the crowd dances into the screen and again] [Cut to the door of the mens bathroom] [Cut inside the mens bathroom, in which the Roxbury Guys are urinating while bopping their heads up and down. The woman from earlier appears and taps Steves back, and police officers come in, taking them away.They quickly zip their zippers up, yelling angrily][Cut to Midtown Precinct South, 11:30 PM] [Cut to the inside of the station, in which old men, and our 3 Roxbury Guys are getting their mug shots taken, while bopping their heads, and turning them afterwards for side-profile shots]
Steve, Doug, and Fellow Roxbury Guy: Me? Him? No, me? Him? Me? Heh? Him? Me?[Cut to a man with a teal shirt, handcuffed] [Cut to Rikers Island, (an island for prisoners), Midnight] [Cut to the Guys prison cell, their heads still bopping] [A police officers comes and unlocks their cell]
Doug Butabi: Hey! All right!
Steve Butabi: Yeah! Ha, all right!
Fellow Roxbury Guy: Me? Oh me? Yeah![The Fellow Guy and Steve leave the cell, but Doug is still left in there in the cell]
Doug Butabi: Heey! Wha, wha, wha, whaaat? [Fellow prisoners come in] Okay! Yeah! [Two fat prisoners bounce Doug around with their stomachs] Wha wha wha whaaaaat! Whoa, whoa! Aah![Fade to black]
Submitted by: Lonnie Fukuda