Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 3
]]>
Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
October 19th, 1996
Bill Pullman
New Edition
None
Adam McKay
Dole’s Dream DebateSummary: Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) dreams that he’s debating Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman), the ficticious president from “Independence Day.”
Recurring Characters: Jim Lehrer, Bob Dole, Elizabeth Dole.
Montage
Bill Pullman’s MonologueSummary: Having played the President of the United States in “Independence Day”, Bill Pullman is proud to now be considered a sex symbol.
Transcript
Home Security DecoysSummary: Bill Tasker (Mark McKinney) touts the menacing dummies that keep real criminals away.
Transcript
AT&T OperatorsSummary: Operators Janice (Will Ferrell) and Kelly (Chris Kattan) chat between calls.
Transcript
Tic Tac ToeSummary: Crotchety carpenter Jack (Norm MacDonald) has to physically nail the X’s and O’s to the game board, while his son, Jack, Jr. (Mark McKinney), plugs the home version.
Note: One of the pieces falls on Norm MacDonald’s head while he pounds another piece into place.
The Rules ShowSummary: Ellen Fein (Ana Gasteyer) and Sherrie Shneider (Molly Shannon) advise want-to-be brides to “get the ring.”
TV FunhouseSummary: During “Fun With Real Audio”, President Clinton and Bob Dole’s weaknesses surface during their latest debate.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: Harry Caray (Will Ferrell) offers his thoughts on the World Series.
Recurring Characters: Harry Caray.
Transcript
New Edition performs “Hit Me Off”
Hollywood PartySummary: Beatrice (Molly Shannon) and Sebastian (Chris Kattan) dish celebrity gossip.
The Quiet StormSummary: Chris “Champagne” Garnett (Tim Meadows) battles it out with his station manager (Bill Pullman) after he’s fired.
Recurring Characters: Chris “Champagne” Garnett.
Transcript
New Edition performs “I’m Still In Love With You”
The Heyward FoundationSummary: Desperate to get into heaven, wealthy John W. Heyward (Bill Pullman) fronts a research lab that can put a camel through a needle for him.
Transcript
Hidden CameraSummary: The hidden camera pranks are far too obvious for the general public.
Women’s Kick BoxingSummary: Promoter Hal Mendez (Bill Pullman) oversells the promise of women kicking women hard.
Transcript
Goodnights
