SNL Transcripts: Bill Pullman: 10/19/96: Home Security Decoys

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 3




96c: Bill Pullman / New Edition

Home Security Decoys

Bill Tasker…..Mark McKinney

[ show Woman inside window, reading book in den ]

Bill Tasker V/O: You’re alone; and you’re vulnerable.

[ quick pan to Bill Tasker standing in front of house ]

Bill Tasker: Hi. I’m Bill Tasker of National Home Security, Inc. The only thing that will stop a dangerous intruder from terrorizing you – is if another criminal is already doing the job. That’s why we developed Home Security Decoys.

[ show Home Security Decoy of a man peering into the house ]

These life-sized and weather-resistant dummies tell criminals, “Hey! This house is taken!”

Now you can feel the comfort and safety of having a Home Securty Decoy nearby.

Statistics prove criminals like to strike while you sleep.[ show Elderly Woman jump up in bed; she gasps, thinking someone is in the room with her, but it’s just her knife-weilding Home Security Decoy ]

That’s why we developed the Home Bedroom Decoy.

[ Edlerly Woman relaxes, casually falls back asleep ] [ show Home Security Decoys peeking out from under childrens’s bed ]

Finally, you can sleep in peace, while these versatile decoys watch over your loved ones and scare off intruders.

[ show Woman inside shower ]

You made it through the night – and that’s important; but now you find yourself in the most vulnerable place of all – the shower. With a Home Decoy, you can rest assured that shadowy figure behind the curtain is your friend!

[ suddenly worried, Woman peeks out of shower to investigate funny sound, revealing a bloody cown Home Security Decoy; she smiles, and returns to her shower ]

So make the secure choice, and turn your fears into friends. With Home Security Decoys.

Announcer: Also available: new talking Home Decoy.

Talking Home Decoy: I’m gonna put my evil inside you!

Announcer: Available at Rickel, K-Mart, and other fine stores.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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