SNL Transcripts: Bill Pullman: 10/19/96: Women´s Kickboxing


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 22: Episode 3

96c: Bill Pullman / New Edition

Women´s Kickboxing

Hal Mendez…..Bill Pullman
Leslie Ann Smith…..Ana Gasteyer
Ann Manassas…..Molly Shannon
Announcer…..Will Ferrell

(Caption: “Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!” Rock guitar. Footageof different matches of women´s kickboxers, bashingeach other)

Announcer: Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Through October31st, it´s hard core action from the InternationalLeague of Women´s Kickboxing!

(Sleazy promoter in a tuxedo)

Hal Mendez: I´m Hal Mendez and my AmericanInternational League of Women´s Kickboxing is the onlyplace where you can see women kicking women…hard!!For money.

(Caption: “Hal Mendez. Promoter I.L.O.W.K.” More footageof women kicking each other in slow motion)

Announcer: Mothers, waitresses, lawyers, teachers butmostly part-time strippers kicking each other…hard!!It´s a scientifically proven fact that women kickhard!! (Photo of Einstein) Einstein see ya´, hate to beya´! (Photo explodes, more slo mo footage of womenfighting) Because the laws of physics do not apply whenwomen kick women…hard!!

Hal Mendez: Ya´thought ya´saw kicking before youhaven´t seen nothing until you seen women kickingwomen…hard!! And just when you´re tired of womenkicking women, women will start punching eachother…hard!! And keep punching each other untilyou´re ready for women to kick each other all overagain!! It´s a non-stop female smorsgarboard of pain!

(Caption: “North Kicks South.” Two women kickboxers areback to back posing)

Announcer: This week north kicks south when Buffalo´sWomen Kickboxing Champion Leslie Ann Smith (looks tothe camera) takes on Florida´s own AnnManassas. (snarls at the camera) They´ll kick eachother so hard that you´ll be glad you came to see themkick each other!

Hal Mendez: If you think it´s disturbing seeing womenkicking women, wait until you hear it.

(More footage of women´s kickboxing)

Announcer: Women kickin´women…hard!! Only $24!!Parking included!!

(Leslie, Ann and Hal in the middle pose for the camera)

Hal Mendez: Women kicking and punching women…hard!! It´s real.

Announcer: Women´s kickboxing not considered a real sport.

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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