Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 3
Hal Mendez…..Bill Pullman
Leslie Ann Smith…..Ana Gasteyer
Ann Manassas…..Molly Shannon
(Caption: “Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!” Rock guitar. Footageof different matches of women´s kickboxers, bashingeach other)
Announcer: Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Through October31st, it´s hard core action from the InternationalLeague of Women´s Kickboxing!
(Sleazy promoter in a tuxedo)
Hal Mendez: I´m Hal Mendez and my AmericanInternational League of Women´s Kickboxing is the onlyplace where you can see women kicking women…hard!!For money.
(Caption: “Hal Mendez. Promoter I.L.O.W.K.” More footageof women kicking each other in slow motion)
Announcer: Mothers, waitresses, lawyers, teachers butmostly part-time strippers kicking each other…hard!!It´s a scientifically proven fact that women kickhard!! (Photo of Einstein) Einstein see ya´, hate to beya´! (Photo explodes, more slo mo footage of womenfighting) Because the laws of physics do not apply whenwomen kick women…hard!!
Hal Mendez: Ya´thought ya´saw kicking before youhaven´t seen nothing until you seen women kickingwomen…hard!! And just when you´re tired of womenkicking women, women will start punching eachother…hard!! And keep punching each other untilyou´re ready for women to kick each other all overagain!! It´s a non-stop female smorsgarboard of pain!
(Caption: “North Kicks South.” Two women kickboxers areback to back posing)
Announcer: This week north kicks south when Buffalo´sWomen Kickboxing Champion Leslie Ann Smith (looks tothe camera) takes on Florida´s own AnnManassas. (snarls at the camera) They´ll kick eachother so hard that you´ll be glad you came to see themkick each other!
Hal Mendez: If you think it´s disturbing seeing womenkicking women, wait until you hear it.
(More footage of women´s kickboxing)
Announcer: Women kickin´women…hard!! Only $24!!Parking included!!
(Leslie, Ann and Hal in the middle pose for the camera)
Hal Mendez: Women kicking and punching women…hard!! It´s real.
Announcer: Women´s kickboxing not considered a real sport.
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel