Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 5
November 2nd, 1996
The Fishing DockSummary: Former president George Bush (Dana Carvey) meets Republican nominee Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) on the dock and gives him a pep dock in preparation of his impending election loss.
Recurring Characters: George Bush, Bob Dole, President Bill Clinton.
Chris Rock’s MonologueSummary: Chris Rock performs a stand-up routine on topics that include President Bill Clinton and sexual harassment.
ExcedrilSummary: For those who use Excedril, the pain reliever’s lack of scientific evidence makes it more valuable.
I’m Chillin’Summary: Despite the departure of B-Fats, Onski (Chris Rock) plays videos with new co-host B Real (Jim Breuer).
Recurring Characters: Onski.
Dole/Kemp ’96Summary: A Black Guy (Tim Meadows), a Woman (Molly Shanno), and a Gay Man (Mark McKinney) advise that Bob Dole can’t win the election if nobody bothers to vote.
The Dark Side with Nat XSummary: Nat X (Chris Rock) makes fun of Tori Spelling (Cheri Oteri), Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond), and Mike Tyson (Tracy Morgan).
Recurring Characters: Nat X, Jesse Jackson, Tori Spelling, Mike Tyson.
Mark Russell’s Election Year Comedy SpecialSummary: Mark Russell’s (Mark McKinney) song parodies aren’t much, but they’re on the mark!
Charles GrodinSummary: Charles Grodin (Dana Carvey) previews other celebrity-hosted political talk shows.
Recurring Characters: Richard Dreyfuss, Nipsey Russell.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldTranscript
The Wallflowers performs “One Headlight”
TV FunhouseSummary: The Ambiguously Gay Duo battle Big Head and Queen Serena in “Queen of Terror”.
Dole’s SpeechesSummary: Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) rehearses his victory speech for when he wins the presidency, until Lorne Michaels advises Norm MacDonald that it’s inevitably time to give up this impression.
Recurring Characters: Bob Dole, Elizabeth Dole.
My Son, College GraduateSummary: College graduate’s (Tim Meadows) dad (Chris Rock) and Granddad (Tracy Morgan) make fun of him for getting an education.
The CulpsSummary: Music teachers Marty Culp (Will Ferrell) and Bobbie Mohan-Culp (Ana Gasteyer) sing a medley.
Recurring Characters: Marty Culp, Bobbi Mohan-Culp.
Russell Simmons’ Def Emergency Room JamSummary: A foul-mouthed doctor (Chris Rock) receives the censor’s cuts.
PerspectivesSummary: Lionel Osbourne (Tim Meadows) interviews Million Man marcher Abdul Kareem Gaines (Chris Rock).
Recurring Characters: Lionel Osbourne.