SNL Transcripts: Chris Rock: 11/02/96: Russell Simmons' Def Emergency Room Jam

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Season 22: Episode 5

Russell Simmons’ Def Emergency Room Jam

Doctor…..Chris Rock

[ open on doctors rushing a dying patient into the emergency room ]

Doctor: Scalpel! Scalpel! [ yelling ] Can a nigger get a SCALPEL up in this [ bleep ]!! [ the wrong instrument is handed to him ] I said SCALPEL, you [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ SUPER: “Russell Simmons’ Def Emergency Room Jam” ]

Announcer: Yo! It’s “Russell Simmons’ Def Emergency Room Jam”.

Doctor: Come on! [ opens patient’s chest ] Damn, nigger! What you been eating, arteries all clogged up and [ bleep ]! He’s dead?! No bull.. [ bleep ]! [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] Get this DEAD mother [ bleep ] [ bleep ] out of here! And WHICH one of you nurses is gonna [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]?!

Announcer: “Russell Simmons’ Def Emergency Room Jam”. Only on HBO.

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. View all posts by Don Roy King