Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 5
Joseph Karen…..Will Ferrell
Dr. Matthew Walsh…..Stephen Colbert
Mary Risinger…..Molly Shannon
Joseph Karen: A lot of pain relievers try to impress you with fancy medical evidence and research. But when you’ve got a headache, scientific mumble-jumble is the last thing you want to hear.
Announcer: Joseph Karen, Excedril user.
Joseph Karen: That’s why I take Excedril. Excedril’s the most powerful pain reliever available, and there’s absolutely no medical evidence to prove it.
Announcer: Excedril is the only pain reliever available without any scientific evidence to say what it can or can’t do. You might say that putsExcedril beyond mere science. The leading pain relievers work well, until their scientific evidence kicks in. But we at Excedril don’t let any eggheads boss us around.[ SUPER: “Dr. Matthew Walsh, Egghead Scientist” ] Dr. Matthew Walsh, Egghead Scientist.
Dr. Matthew Walsh: I cannot recommend this medication. for any purpose.
Announcer: You’re darn right you can’t! But try telling that to Mary Risinger, Ecedril user since 1984.
Mary Risinger: Excedril’s great for headaches. But I also use it any time my husband and I have unprotected sex. I know what you’re thinking – there’s no scientif-ic evidence that says Excedril can be used as an effective birth control. But I’m no scientist. I’m just glad that I’ve found a pain reliever that can kill the tiny babies that live in my husband’s sperm.
Announcer: Excedril. Skip the science… go straight to relief.