SNL Transcripts: Robert Downey, Jr.: 11/16/96: Milsford Pure Spring Water


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 22: Episode 6

96f: Robert Downey, Jr. / Fiona Apple

Milsford Pure Spring Water

…..Tom Bodet

Tom Bodet V/O: Spring water the way it oughtta be – fresh and clear. Milsford Pure Spring Water. There’s no other bottled water with a history as rich as Milsford.

You see, it all started with the two towns of Milsford and Dunnbee.. and the creek that rna between ’em. Both towns lay claim to the creek and its pure spring goodness. But the simple folks of Dunbee came up with the idea to share the riches of the creek, and bottle the water so folks all around could enjoy it. The townsfolks of Milsford had another idea – to destroy Dunbee and kill all the kindly folks who lived there. And that’s just what they did. Armed with knives and bullwhips, they crossed the creek in the middle of the inght and took after the innocent people of Dunbee. It only takes an extra-special water to turn neighbor against neighbor. When they were finished, most of the town of Dunbee lay dead.. in the pure water of Milsford Springs. Then, they set their dogs to finish off the wounded. The screams of the gentle people of Dunbee being savagely eaten alive could be heard up and down the banks of Milsford Springs. Along toward eveinng, the surviving Dunbeeites were herded into work camps.

Hard to believe that was over 107.. days ago. You probably heard about it on the TV.

Milsford Pure Spring Water. A rich history that you can relive with every sip. Milsford. Not Dunbee.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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