Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 8
Martha Stewart Topless Christmas Special
Martha Stewart…..Ana Gasteyer
Martha Stewart Voiceover: I’m Martha Stewart. Join me next week,when I’ll share some old and new ideas for creating a trulymemorable holiday.
Announcer: “Martha Stewart’s Home For the Holiday’s Topless ChristmasSpecial”.
Martha Stewart: [ sitting in her living room, topless ] Hi there. I’mMartha Stewart. It’s my favorite time of year. Sleigh rides, caroling -these are just some of the things that remind us of Christmas.[ cut to Martha in her Work Room ]
This is my Work Room, where we’ll be making these corn husk garlands. Youcan make them, too, in just 24 simple steps.[ cut to close-up of Martha sitting in her kitchen ]
Also, we’ll learn how to make beeswax candles. They really say Yuletide.[ camera zooms out to reveal Martha only wearing a dickey ] And, I’ll showyou how to make a festive holiday dickey out of an old turtleneck. I madethis one. I really treasure it.[ cut to Martha walking through the woods with two male friends ]
Today, we’re taking a field trip to my friend Tom Hardwick’s Christmas treefarm in the Hudson River Valley. [ glances skyward ] Oh, look, there’s agood one. [ they all walk towards it ] [ cut to Martha back in her living room ]
So, join me, and my special guests, the Westport Boys Choir, for myChristmas special, “Home For the Holidays”. Even if you celebrate Chanukah,it’ll be a jolly good thing. [ Martha stands up and shakes her breastsin front of the boys but behind her black censor box ]
Announcer: “Martha Stewart’s Home For the Holidays Topless ChristmasSpecial”. Wednesday night at 8:00. Parental discretion advised.