Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 8
Martha Stewart Topless Christmas Special
Martha Stewart…..Ana Gasteyer
Martha Stewart Voiceover: I’m Martha Stewart. Join me next week,when I’ll share some old and new ideas for creating a trulymemorable holiday.
Announcer: “Martha Stewart’s Home For the Holiday’s Topless ChristmasSpecial”.
Martha Stewart: [ sitting in her living room, topless ] Hi there. I’mMartha Stewart. It’s my favorite time of year. Sleigh rides, caroling -these are just some of the things that remind us of Christmas.
This is my Work Room, where we’ll be making these corn husk garlands. Youcan make them, too, in just 24 simple steps.[ cut to close-up of Martha sitting in her kitchen ]
Also, we’ll learn how to make beeswax candles. They really say Yuletide.[ camera zooms out to reveal Martha only wearing a dickey ] And, I’ll showyou how to make a festive holiday dickey out of an old turtleneck. I madethis one. I really treasure it.[ cut to Martha walking through the woods with two male friends ]
Today, we’re taking a field trip to my friend Tom Hardwick’s Christmas treefarm in the Hudson River Valley. [ glances skyward ] Oh, look, there’s agood one. [ they all walk towards it ] [ cut to Martha back in her living room ]
So, join me, and my special guests, the Westport Boys Choir, for myChristmas special, “Home For the Holidays”. Even if you celebrate Chanukah,it’ll be a jolly good thing. [ Martha stands up and shakes her breastsin front of the boys but behind her black censor box ]
Announcer: “Martha Stewart’s Home For the Holidays Topless ChristmasSpecial”. Wednesday night at 8:00. Parental discretion advised.