Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 10
Late Show With David Letterman
David Letterman…..Norm MacDonald
Paul Shaffer…..Mark McKinney
William Hurt…..Kevin Spacey
[ Music Intro: “Start Me Up” ]
David Letterman: Alright.. okay, kids,welcome back to the big show, folks! So, Paul, I’m on the subway today, uh.. you, you, you ever been on the subway, Paul?
Paul Shaffer: Uh.. subway. Subway, right. Yeah.
David Letterman: Yeah! Yeah! So, this guy walks up to me, he looks me right in the eye, he gives me one of these: [ mimicking ] “Uh.. uh.. you got any gum?” Hahaha-haaa!! [ mimicking ] “Uh.. uh.. you got any gum?” Hahaha-haaa!
Paul Shaffer: Ah ha-haha-haha! Yeah, so, uh, he asked you for some gum.
David Letterman: Ah, that’s right! [ makes face for the audience ] Alright, in a couple of seconds, William Hurt will be out here, kids, and Blues Traveler. Later on, actor Robert Wuhl will be joining us. Hey, you hear that, Paul? Robert Wuhl will be out here! Do you enjoy his work, Paul?
Paul Shaffer: Yeah! Bob Wuhl! Good. Yeah.
David Letterman: Yeah. Well, you know, he’s on a new program over there on the HBO. Do you, do you enjoy the HBO, Paul?
Paul Shaffer: Yeah. HBO. Cable. Great. Yeah.
David Letterman: Yeah, well, he’s got a show over there called “Arli$$”.. and he plays, uh.. he plays Arli$$. Do you, do you enjoy the “Arli$$” show, Paul?
Paul Shaffer: Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah.
David Letterman: Yeah, well.. he’s Arli$$.
Paul Shaffer: Oh, yeah! Yeah, he’s Arli$$. He plays Arli$$ on the show.
David Letterman: [ suddenly ] Hahaha-haaaa!! Well, anyway, he’s gonna be out in a little while! [ tugs his collar and wipes sweat off his brow with index card ] Arli$$! Ha ha haaa!! Can you imagine such a thing, Paul? Ah ha ha ha!! Haa haa! [ laughter segues into fake head-down coughing ] Arli$$! Ha ha! Okay, kids, our first guest, you’ve seen in such films as “The Big Chill” and “Broadcast News”. Now he’s a star in the runaway box office smash, “Michael”. Please welcome back to the program, William Hurt. William! [ William Hurt enters, played in with “Hurt So Good” ] Ahhh.. let me just say, William, before we begin, I saw your new picture, “Michael”, and by gosh I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed it. Just a fine piece of work, and it must have been very satisfying for you.
William Hurt: Well, thank you. I’m very proud of this film. When I first read it, I just fell in love with the script, you know? It is a life-affirming story about an angel, who is a sort of cellestial rescuer of lives, you know? I guess we have all gone adrift in some way, you know? He has us just embrace the small miracles in some way..
David Letterman: [ bored, interrupts ] “Uh.. uh.. you got any gum?”
William Hurt: What?
David Letterman: “Uh.. uh.. you got any gum?” Ha haaa!!
Paul Shaffer: Ah ha ha ha!
David Letterman: Ah ha ha! Let me ask you this: you’re a bigshot actor, you do like 90 films a year. Now, that seems to me like just a Herculian task.
William Hurt: Well, it’s not so hard, when you are working with fine performers who are generous, you know?
David Letterman: Yeah, yeah, I imagine, sure.
William Hurt: Andie MacDowell’s performance in this movie really drove the story..
David Letterman: Oh-ho, Andie MacDowell! Did Andie MacDowell ever give you one of these? [ starts mimicking boxer moves ] Ha haa!! Huh? Hee hee! Can you imagine such a thing? Just, boom! Boom! Ha ha ha haaa!!
Paul Shaffer: Ah ha, ha ha ha ha!
William Hurt: What is your trip?
David Letterman: Hee hee-ee-ee!! Okay, now, when you play a character that experiences such an epithany in a film like this, as an actor, now that transformation has to be quite taxing on you.
William Hurt: Yes, well, you can’t underestimate the value of what it means to get inside of a character..
David Letterman: Oh, oh, hey! Let me ask you this: Do you enjoy the “Arli$$” show?
William Hurt: What?
David Letterman: “Arli$$”! Ha ha ha ha!! [ tugs collar, smiles ] “Uh.. uh.. uh.. you got any gum?” Ha ha ha ha!
William Hurt: Why do you keep asking me if I have gum?
David Letterman: Now, I understand that you have a clip. Would youl ike to set up your clip?
William Hurt: Well, yes. This is a scene from the movie, “Michael”, in which I play..[ music starts playing ]
David Letterman: Oh, oh, oh! You know what that sound means, folks! Every once in a while we like to go into the street and do something we call, “Can You Sell Me A Hot Dog?” Paul?
Paul Shaffer: [ sings game theme song ]Hey, man, don’t wanna buy a frank!
Don’t wanna buy a weiner!
Don’t wanna buy a brat,
But, hey, Mister,
Can you sell me a hot, hot, hot, hot dog? Yeah!”
David Letterman: Can you sell me a hot dog? [ vendor hands him a hot dog, Letterman smiles to the camera ] [ cut back to the studio ]
Paul Shaffer: Hey, Mister,
Can you sell me a hot dog? Yeah!”
David Letterman: Alright, there you go! Now, sorry about that, William, you were setting up a clip.
William Hurt: Yes. Well, this is a scene in the film where I finally accept the angel, and all his power. And I experience a catharsis!
David Letterman: Oh, well, that sounds great, let’s roll a clip. This is from the motion picture, “Michael”.[ clip shows Paul sitting, Letterman standing with fake wings on his back ]
David Letterman: “Uh.. uh.. you got any gum?” [ Paul shakes head ] [ cut back to the studio ]
David Letterman: Ha ha haaa!! Looks like a great film! Hey! That’s all the time we have, folks! My apologies to Blues Traveler and Robert Wuhl! Good night, everybody! [ stands up, removes jacket, and exits studio, as William Hurt remains stunned ]