SNL Transcripts: Kevin Spacey: 01/11/97: “Star Wars” 20th Anniversary Home Video I


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 22: Episode 10

96j: Kevin Spacey / Beck

“Star Wars” 20th Anniversary Home Video I

Voice of Director…..Will Ferrell
Christopher Walken…..Kevin Spacey
Richard Dreyfus…..Darrell Hammond
Walter Matthau…..Kevin Spacey
Burt Reynolds…..Norm MacDonald
Barbra Streisand…..Ana Gasteyer
Jack Lemmon…..Kevin Spacey

Announcer: [ over scroll ] “Two decades ago George Lucas’ science fiction epic STAR WARS captured the imagination of the world.” Now, the 20th Anniversary re-release is available on home video, with spectacular new footage like these never-before-seen screen tests.

Voice of Director: Christopher Walken, Han Solo screen test. Okay, Chris, whenever you’re ready.
Christopher Walken: “I’m Captain of.. the Millenium.. Falcon. Chewie here.. tells me.. you’re looking for passage.. to the.. alderaan system.”

Voice of Director: “Yes, indeed, It’s a fast ship.”

Christopher Walken: “Fast.. ship? You’ve never heard.. of the.. millenium falcon? It’s the ship.. that made the kessel run.. in less than.. 12 parsecs. She’s.. fast enough.. for you.. old man..” That sucked! I’m sorry.. [ turns and walks away ] You know.. I had it..

[ cut to next screen test ]

Voice of Director: C-3PO screen test. Okay, C-3PO.. I’m sorry. Who’s in there?

Richard Dreyfus: It’s Richard Dreyfus! [ removes mask ] Damn you! I told you I didn’t want to wear the damn mask!

Voice of Director: Okay. Just do the scene. “What I really need is a droid who understands The binary language of moisture vaporators.”

Richard Dreyfus: “Vaporators? Sir, my first job was programming binary load lifters. Very similar to your vaporators in most respects.”

Voice of Director: Thank you very much.

Richard Dreyfus: [ upset ] Listen, I can do that better, okay?

Voice of Director: Thanks, but we’ve got all we need..

Richard Dreyfus: Look! I don’t need this! I was in “Jaws”, okay?!

Voice of Director: Okay. Thanks.

[ cut to next screen test ]

Voice of Director: Walter Matthau, Obi Wan Kenobi screen test. Alright, Walter, here we go. “I’ve never heard of them Hitting anything this big before.”

Walter Matthau: “They didn’t. But we are meant to think they did. These tracks are side-by-side. Sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers.”

Voice of Director: “These are the same Jawas that sold us R2 and 3PO.”

Walter Matthau: [ confused ] Jawas? What the hell is this picture about, anyway?

Voice of Director: Well, Walter, it’s a space adventure about a magical force, and all the people and creatures that..

Walter Matthau: Oh, Christ! [ walks off ]

Voice of Director: Walter? Walter?

Announcer: “Star Wars”, the 20th Anniversary home video. Available at video stores everywhere.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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