Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 10
“Star Wars” 20th Anniversary Home Video I
Voice of Director…..Will Ferrell
Christopher Walken…..Kevin Spacey
Richard Dreyfus…..Darrell Hammond
Walter Matthau…..Kevin Spacey
Burt Reynolds…..Norm MacDonald
Barbra Streisand…..Ana Gasteyer
Jack Lemmon…..Kevin Spacey
Announcer: [ over scroll ] “Two decades ago George Lucas’ science fiction epic STAR WARS captured the imagination of the world.” Now, the 20th Anniversary re-release is available on home video, with spectacular new footage like these never-before-seen screen tests.
Voice of Director: Christopher Walken, Han Solo screen test. Okay, Chris, whenever you’re ready.
Christopher Walken: “I’m Captain of.. the Millenium.. Falcon. Chewie here.. tells me.. you’re looking for passage.. to the.. alderaan system.”
Voice of Director: “Yes, indeed, It’s a fast ship.”
Christopher Walken: “Fast.. ship? You’ve never heard.. of the.. millenium falcon? It’s the ship.. that made the kessel run.. in less than.. 12 parsecs. She’s.. fast enough.. for you.. old man..” That sucked! I’m sorry.. [ turns and walks away ] You know.. I had it..
[ cut to next screen test ]
Voice of Director: C-3PO screen test. Okay, C-3PO.. I’m sorry. Who’s in there?
Richard Dreyfus: It’s Richard Dreyfus! [ removes mask ] Damn you! I told you I didn’t want to wear the damn mask!
Voice of Director: Okay. Just do the scene. “What I really need is a droid who understands The binary language of moisture vaporators.”
Richard Dreyfus: “Vaporators? Sir, my first job was programming binary load lifters. Very similar to your vaporators in most respects.”
Voice of Director: Thank you very much.
Richard Dreyfus: [ upset ] Listen, I can do that better, okay?
Voice of Director: Thanks, but we’ve got all we need..
Richard Dreyfus: Look! I don’t need this! I was in “Jaws”, okay?!
Voice of Director: Okay. Thanks.
[ cut to next screen test ]
Voice of Director: Walter Matthau, Obi Wan Kenobi screen test. Alright, Walter, here we go. “I’ve never heard of them Hitting anything this big before.”
Walter Matthau: “They didn’t. But we are meant to think they did. These tracks are side-by-side. Sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers.”
Voice of Director: “These are the same Jawas that sold us R2 and 3PO.”
Walter Matthau: [ confused ] Jawas? What the hell is this picture about, anyway?
Voice of Director: Well, Walter, it’s a space adventure about a magical force, and all the people and creatures that..
Walter Matthau: Oh, Christ! [ walks off ]
Voice of Director: Walter? Walter?
Announcer: “Star Wars”, the 20th Anniversary home video. Available at video stores everywhere.
