Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 22: Episode 11
SUPER: WHEATY – THE WHEATEN TERRIER
INSERT HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED WHEATY, SITTING ON ALL FOURS.WHEATY BARKS OFF-SCREEN.
INT. 1950s LIVING ROOM DAY
A late 30s FATHER reads the newspaper in his leather lounge chair, smoking a pipe. A MOTHER, same age range, spreads chocolate frosting on a cake. Their son, TIMMY, young and blond, races in.
Timmy: Wow! Is that cake almost ready?
Mother: Timmy, its for the bake sale.
The father removes his pipe.
Father: Thats right, trying to raise money to repair the road. Even Wheatys helping out.
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY GLANCING AROUND IN A DIFFERENT LIVING ROOM. WHEATY BARKS O/S.
Mother: I think Wheaty wants to eat the cake.
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE, TIME STAMPED, NOV. 14 1996, OF WHEATY CHEWING ON A RUBBER TOY SHOE. WHEATY BARKS O/S.
Father: Whats wrong, girl?
Timmy: I think Wheatys trying to tell us something.
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY LYING ON HER SIDE IN A PRIOR SEEN LIVING ROOM. The father rises from his chair and moves closer with Timmy at his side.
Father: Grandpas in trouble!?
Timmy: Where is he!?
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY, TIME STAMPED, OCT. 23 1996, EATING DOG FOOD. WHEATY BARKS O/S.
EXT. 1950s HOUSE DAY
Timmy and Father race down the front steps.
Father: You take us to him, girl!
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY LICKING HER PRIVATES ON THE FLOOR. WHEATY BARKS O/S.
EXT. OPEN FIELD 1950s DAY
Timmys on his bicycle with his father running alongside.
Timmy: Hurry Wheaty!
Father: Keep going girl! Were right behind you!
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY DRINKING WATER OUT OF A TOILET. WHEATY BARKS O/S. Timmy and his father pull GRANDPA from being pinned under a pick-up truck.
Timmy: Youre going to be okay, Grandpa.
Grandpa: How on Earth did you find me?
Father: We never would have been able to without Wheaty.
All three stare off OFF-SCREEN. CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY GETTING HUMPED BY A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A NEW YORK CITY SIDEWALK. Mother arrives in a police car. A SHERIFF and DEPUTY depart the vehicle at the same time as her.
Father: Pretty fast service, Sheriff.
Sheriff: Your wife told us to follow Wheaty. Thats a pretty good dog to help get us here.
Mother: Maybe she can get you to fix the road?
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY GETTING BATHED AND SCRUBBED IN SOAP. WHEATY BARKS O/S. Everyone chuckles.
Sheriff: Well, I guess that makes it unanimous. Well try to stir things up with the State Road Authority.
Timmy: You sure stirred things up! Right, Wheaty?
CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE, TIME STAMPED NOV. 9 1996, OF WHEATY STARING AT A RUBBER BONE ON HER LIVING ROOM FLOOR. WHEATY BARKS O/S. QUICK DISSOLVE TO WHEATY, HAVING HER PAW HELD BY OWNER, WAVING GOODBYE.
Submitted by: Cody Downs