SNL Transcripts: David Alan Grier: 01/18/97: TV Funhouse



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 11


96k: David Alan Grier / Snoop Doggy Dogg

TV Funhouse

Father…..Stephen Colbert
Timmy…..Tyler Jones
Mother…..Laura Tietjen

FADE IN:

SUPER: WHEATY – THE WHEATEN TERRIER

INSERT HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED WHEATY, SITTING ON ALL FOURS.WHEATY BARKS OFF-SCREEN.

INT. 1950’s LIVING ROOM – DAY

A late 30’s FATHER reads the newspaper in his leather lounge chair, smoking a pipe. A MOTHER, same age range, spreads chocolate frosting on a cake. Their son, TIMMY, young and blond, races in.

Timmy: Wow! Is that cake almost ready?

Mother: Timmy, it’s for the bake sale.

The father removes his pipe.

Father: That’s right, trying to raise money to repair the road. Even Wheaty’s helping out.

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY GLANCING AROUND IN A DIFFERENT LIVING ROOM. WHEATY BARKS O/S.

Mother: I think Wheaty wants to eat the cake.

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE, TIME STAMPED, NOV. 14 1996, OF WHEATY CHEWING ON A RUBBER TOY SHOE. WHEATY BARKS O/S.

Father: What’s wrong, girl?

Timmy: I think Wheaty’s trying to tell us something.

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY LYING ON HER SIDE IN A PRIOR SEEN LIVING ROOM. The father rises from his chair and moves closer with Timmy at his side.

Father: Grandpa’s in trouble!?

Timmy: Where is he!?

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY, TIME STAMPED, OCT. 23 1996, EATING DOG FOOD. WHEATY BARKS O/S.

EXT. 1950’s HOUSE – DAY

Timmy and Father race down the front steps.

Father: You take us to him, girl!

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY LICKING HER PRIVATES ON THE FLOOR. WHEATY BARKS O/S.

EXT. OPEN FIELD – 1950’s – DAY

Timmy’s on his bicycle with his father running alongside.

Timmy: Hurry Wheaty!

Father: Keep going girl! We’re right behind you!

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY DRINKING WATER OUT OF A TOILET. WHEATY BARKS O/S. Timmy and his father pull GRANDPA from being pinned under a pick-up truck.

Timmy: You’re going to be okay, Grandpa.

Grandpa: How on Earth did you find me?

Father: We never would have been able to without Wheaty.

All three stare off OFF-SCREEN. CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY GETTING HUMPED BY A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A NEW YORK CITY SIDEWALK. Mother arrives in a police car. A SHERIFF and DEPUTY depart the vehicle at the same time as her.

Father: Pretty fast service, Sheriff.

Sheriff: Your wife told us to follow Wheaty. That’s a pretty good dog to help get us here.

Mother: Maybe she can get you to fix the road?

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WHEATY GETTING BATHED AND SCRUBBED IN SOAP. WHEATY BARKS O/S. Everyone chuckles.

Sheriff: Well, I guess that makes it unanimous. We’ll try to stir things up with the State Road Authority.

Timmy: You sure stirred things up! Right, Wheaty?

CUT TO HOME VIDEO FOOTAGE, TIME STAMPED NOV. 9 1996, OF WHEATY STARING AT A RUBBER BONE ON HER LIVING ROOM FLOOR. WHEATY BARKS O/S. QUICK DISSOLVE TO WHEATY, HAVING HER PAW HELD BY OWNER, WAVING GOODBYE.

END

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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