Chopper 4


Chopper 4

Andrew…..Mark McKinney
Mr. Cavanetti…..Chevy Chase

[ open in front of Andrew’s newsstand, as Mr. Cavanetti walks up ]

Andrew: Hey, morning, Mr. Cavanetti! How you doing?

Mr. Cavanetti: Morning, Alex.

Andrew: Andrew! The name’s Andrew.

Mr. Cavanetti: Andrew.. whatever. The Times, please.

Andrew: Yeah, here you go. [ pulls it out of his coat pocket ] Kept one warm for you, Mr. Cavanetti!

Mr. Cavanetti: Oh, thank you very much, kept one warm for me, well that’s..

Andrew: Hey! Did you see the Chopper 4 on TV today, Mr. Cavanetti!

Mr. Cavanetti: No.. I didn’t.

Andrew: Ya! Chopper 4 was flying all over the place! Chopper 4 saw a lot of traffic, ho boy!

Mr. Cavanetti: [ uncomfortable with this conversation ] Yeah.. I.. I.. I.. it’s a good thing I walked today!

Andrew: Yeah! It’s a good thing you walked today! Hey! did you hear that Chopper 4’s got a new camera! Yeah! It can see through fog!

Mr. Cavanetti: Yeah, I think I did hear that somewhere..

Andrew: I told you about it!

Mr. Cavanetti: Oh.

Andrew: Yeah! It couldn’t used to see through no fog!

Mr. Cavanetti: Chopper 4?

Andrew: Yeah! Hey, you know what?

Mr. Cavanetti: No.

Andrew: Channel 5.. it ain’t got no Chopper 4!

Mr. Cavanetti: I’m willing to bet that Channel doesn’t have a Chopper 4, either.

Andrew: Yeah, you’re right! I just found out about Channel 5 today!

Mr. Cavanetti: You did?

Andrew: Yeah!

Mr. Cavanetti: Ah. Gotta go, Albert..

Andrew: Andrew!

Mr. Cavanetti: Oh. Andrew. Sorry.

Andrew: Where you going, Mr. Cavanetti?

Mr. Cavanetti: Huh? Oh, uh.. I just gotta meet my wife for a movie uptown.

Andrew: Oh, yeah! Are you two of you’s gonna go see Chopper 4!

Mr. Cavanetti: Geez.. No. We’re going to see a movie. you know, one of those big IMAX movies.

Andrew: Oh, IMAX! Those are like magic movies! Hey! You know what would make a great IMAX movie, Mr. Cavanetti!

Mr. Cavanetti: Chopper 4?

Andrew: Yeah, Chopper 4! You could see through the fog in 3D! I wonder what that would be like!

Mr. Cavanetti: Okay, Gordon..

Andrew: Andrew!

Mr. Cavanetti: Right.. well.. I’m gonna be late for the movie..

Andrew: Hey! You know, I went to an IMAX movie once, Mr. Cavenetti, I didn’t even make it into the theater! The poster gave the dizzies, I had to lie down on the sidewalk!

Mr. Cavanetti: [ confused ] You had to what?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah! The cold concrete makes the dizzies go away!

Mr. Cavanetti: Well.. maybe you should just stick to Chopper 4 on TV.

Andrew: Yeah! Well, I plan on doing that! Most definitely! Watching in my basement apartment with my fourteen cats – Alan, Sidney, Chopper 4, Bridget..

Mr. Cavanetti: Well.. you know what, Andrew..?

Andrew: Andrew!

Mr. Cavanetti: Andrew. A friend of mine is a news director over there at Channel 4..

Andrew: [ excited ] What?!

Mr. Cavanetti: Maybe I could, uh..

Andrew: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Does he know Chopper 4!

Mr. Cavanetti: Well, the station owns Chopper 4..

Andrew: Hey, no one could own Chopper 4, Mr. Cavanetti! It can see through fog!

Mr. Cavanetti: So I hear.

Andrew: Yeah! You think your friend could let me meet Chopper 4!

Mr. Cavanetti: Well, maybe.. let me talk to him, we’ll see..

Andrew: [ swooning ] Oh.. I’m getting the dizzies.. I gotta lie down on the sidewalk now.. [ lays down ]

Mr. Cavanetti: Slow down.. easy boy.. it’s gonna be fine..

Andrew: Oh, Mr. Cavanetti.. thank you so much.. thank you so much for getting me a ride on Chopper 4..

Mr. Cavanetti: I don’t think there’ll actually be a ride, but maybe you can sit in it while it’s on the ground..

Andrew: Oh, sitting in it will do! Thank you very much, Mr. Cavanetti! [ pulls at his hand ]

Mr. Cavanetti: Okay, no problem.. [ swats Andrew’s hand with his newspaper ] Gotta get going.. take care. [ walks off ] [ cut to newspaper headline “Man Steals Chopper Four, Whereabouts Unknown” with Andrew’s picture next to it ] [ cut to Chopper 4 flying the the skies of New York ]

Andrew’s Voice: Wow! I’m riding in Chopper 4! I can see through fog!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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