Betty Boothroyd…..Molly Shannon
Clive Budgen…..Darrell Hammond
John Major…..Mike Myers
Paddy Donahoe…..Colin Quinn
Michael Shersby…..Will Ferrell
Simon Coombs…..Mark McKinney
Roderick Richards…..Tim Meadows
[ open on image of the House of Parliament, over C-Span graphics ]
Announcer: Next on C-Span: From the British House of Commons in London, the Prime Minister’s Questions. This is a 15-minute period set aside each Tuesday and Thursday, for Prime Minister John Major to take questions from fellow members of the House of Commons. And now, Thursday’s section.[ dissolve to interior, Parliament, where chaos seems to be in order; Speaker Betty Boothroyd tries to maintain the room. ]
Betty Boothroyd: Order!! Order!! Question to the Prime Minister, Mr. Clive Budgen.
Clive Budgen: Does the Prime Minister agree with me.. that the parking situation in Benchley has become intolerable.. and that if the residents of Weymouth refuse to transport their carriages elsewhere.. then they shall only be allowed to park 9 to 5 fortnight![ the crowd cheers their approval ]
John Major: Uh.. yes, yes.. yes, yes.. If the right honorable gentleman from the Labor Party were to spend less time concerning himself with the parking situation, and more time preventing the closure of canals, then perhaps he could take the ferry into work, thereby ridding the streets of one.. less.. drunk driver![ the crowd gets rowdy ]
Betty Boothroyd: Order, please!! Please! Question to the Prime Minister, Mr. Paddy Donahoe!
Paddy Donahoe: What does the Prime Minister plan to do about the removal of British troops from Northern Ireland?[ the crowd gets rowdy ]
John Major: Uh, yes.. yes.. Let me ask the right honorable gentleman from Belfast something. What does he plan to do about the removal of Guinness from his liver?
Paddy Donahoe: Okay, follow-up question: Will the Prime Minister be driving his usual car home tonight?[ John Major expresses a worried look on his face ]
Betty Boothroyd: Question to the Prime Minister, Mr. Michael Shersby.
Michael Shersby: [ seemingly distracted ] How can.. the Prime minister.. support a law.. that makes it illegal for people.. who.. [ gets to the real point he’s been fidgeting with ] ..What I’m trying to say is.. Oasis rules!
Betty Boothroyd: [ sternly ] Mr. Shersby!! You’ve been warned seven times this month to stop bringing up Oasis!
Michael Shersby: But is not Oasis the greatest British band since the Beatles? Can we not vote on this?!
Betty Boothroyd: Enough! Enough!! No votes will be taken on the subject of Oasis! Question, Mr. Simon Coombs!
Simon Coombs: [ smiling broadly with crooked teeth as he speaks, the camera zooming in on those flawed teeth ] Yes, uh.. regarding the Prime Minister’s health care clause, I would like to point out that, in no way, does England need anything as frivilous as national dental care! Very good!
Betty Boothroyd: Alright, moving on. Question to the Prime Minister, Mr. Roderick Richard.
Roderick Richards: Uh, yes.. what does the Prime Minister intend to do about the horrible rise of drug abuse our commonwealth is facing, particularly among the working class and the minorities?
John Major: Yes, yes, yes, yes.. I suggest the right honorable gentleman from Barnsley spend more time reading my legislation, and less time smoking ganja and listening to ska.
Betty Boothroyd: Orderrrrr! Question to the Prime minister, Mr. Paddy Donahoe.
Paddy Donahoe: [ holding up a small package wrapped in paper ] Would the Prime Minster mind carrying this package home tonight?[ John Major expresses another worried look on his face ]
Clive Budgen: [ suddenly stands, clamping his hands over his man-breasts area ] I’m wearing ladies underwear!![ the crowd becomes rowdy with approval ]
Betty Boothroyd: Orderrrr!! Orderrrr!! Question for the Prime Minister, Mr. Michael Shersby!
Michael Shersby: What steps has the Prime Minister.. taken to prevent Liam Gallagher from leaving?
John Major: Uh.. yes. what exactly is the right gentleman talking about, and who is Liam Gallagher?!
Michael Shersby: He is the lead singer of Oasis! And if he leaves, it will be be bloody awful![ the crowd grows rowdy again ]
John Major: Sit down! sit down! Ghastly man, sit down!
Clive Budgen: I’m still wearing ladies underwear!![ the crowd becomes rowdy with approval ] [ suddenly, Michael Shersby breaks into the chorus of the Oasis song “Wonderwall” ]
John Major: Sit down! Sit down!
Betty Boothroyd: Order! Order!
Announcer: This concludes another session of the Prime Minister’s questions from the House of Commons.[ John Major stands upon his chair and begins to punch Michael Shersby in the mouth, trying to get him to stop singing the songs of Oasis ] [ fade ]