Pamela Lee’s Monologue


Pamela Lee’s Monologue

…..Pamela Lee

Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, Pamela Lee!

[Dressed in a frilly lavender halter jacket and a pink skirt, Pamela Lee walks onstage and claps along with the audience.]

Pamela Lee: WHOOOO!!! Nice to be here! Wow! I’m here in New York! It’s great! The Knicks just beat the Bulls! WHOOOO!!!

[riotous screams and cheers]

Pamela Lee: [breathing hard] Wow, you know, this is just, this is quite a departure for me to be on “Saturday Night Live.” Doing this comedy thing, you know, after having committed myself for so long to serious drama. [laughter] You know, I know a lot of people make fun of “Baywatch,” but it’s really an important show. Week in and week out, we attack the real problems threatening our nation’s beaches. You know, problems like pollution, diamond smuggling, buried treasure! Serious stuff!! [laughter] Wow, but I have to tell you, this live TV thing is just a completely different experience. Honestly, I’m really very nervous. So my husband taught me–he’s a musician–he told me a little trick about what to do if, if I start to feel nervous. He says that, um, a good way to put yourself at ease is to, um… [thinking hard] Oh, shoot, um… ohhhhh, oh, yeah, have the audience imagine that you’re naked! Yeah! That’s what it is. Yep!

[Audience hoots and cheers as Pam takes off her jacket to reveal a bikini top with pink feathers on the cups.]

Pamela Lee: So, so, if you could just, uh, imagine me naked, that would help me out tremendously. It’d be great. Are you imagining me naked?

Guys in audience: YEAH!!

Pamela Lee: You know what, it’s not working. Maybe what he said is that, um, you know, if you’re nervous onstage, you actually should BE naked! Yeah!! Okay! You know what? I’m gonna take this off…

[The audience hoots and cheers again as Pamela strips off her bikini and skirt. Her body is blurred out.]

Pamela Lee: That’s better! [fidgets with skirt clasp] Okay, all right, that’s where it is. NOW we’re talkin’! Thank you, thank you!

[riotous screams and cheers]

Pamela Lee: Whoooo! This is really loosening me up! This is great! Wow! Wow. Wow!! Loosening me up.

Guys in audience: You go, Pam!

Pamela Lee: Now you really see what I’m doing here tonight. You know, showing my top to the world is an exciting step toward developing me as a mature actress. At any rate, I feel free, you know, I feel free. You guys can get naked! We have a great show tonight! The Rollins Band is here! [audience cheers] So stick around, we’ll be right back!

[FADE to black as audience continues cheering heartily.]

Thanks to Joe for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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