Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 23: Episode 1
The Roxbury Guys
Rocky Balboa…..Sylvester Stallone
Steve Butabi…..Will Ferrell
Doug Butabi…..Chris Kattan
Mr. Arturo…..Darrell Hammond
Jogger #1…..Jim Breuer
Jogger #2…..Ana Gasteyer
FADE IN:[ EXT. PHILADELPHIA – MORNING ] [ MUSIC: “ROCKY” THEME ] [ Rocky Balboa, wearing his trademark fedora and sweats, jogs the streets of Philly. A jogger jogs right up next to him. ]
Jogger #1: You’re the best, Rocky!!
Rocky Balboa: Oh thanks!
Jogger #2: I love you, Rocky!!
Rocky Balboa: Oh thanks![ Rocky punches her in her arm and she falls back onto an oncoming OFF-SCREEN vehicle. The car’s horn blares. ]
Rocky Balboa: Sorry about the car![ The Butabi Bros. sandwich Rocky between them. ] [ MUSIC: “WHAT IS LOVE?” ]
Doug Butabi: Hey! How you doing!? Good to see you!
Steve Butabi: Yeah!
Doug Butabi: C’mon…
Doug Butabi: Heeeey! Wanna dance? No? Okay, don’t worry about it![ He returns to the bar. Steve jumps to the front of the crowd. ]
Steve Butabi: Hey, you wanna dance? No? Alright.[ Doug returns to the bar. Rocky faces the crowd. He cracks open a raw egg and dispenses it into a Tom Collins glass. He gulps it. ]
Steve Butabi: Go ahead…
Doug Butabi: Yeah! Go dance! C’mon…[ Rocky modestly agrees and a woman steps forward to dance with him. He struts a few moves then starts trying to jab her with upper cuts. ]
The Roxbury Guys: No, no…[ The woman takes off. “What is Love?” stops playing. Rocky throws his hands up. ]
Rocky Balboa: I CAN’T DO IT! I CAN’T DANCE!!
Doug Butabi: It’s okay…
Steve Butabi: It’s alright everybody…
Doug Butabi: You didn’t see anything…
Steve Butabi: It’s okay…[ The guys lift Rocky up and make a swift exit with him while head-bobbing . ]
Steve Butabi: You’re gonna be alright…
Doug Butabi: You’re gonna be okay…[ “What is Love?” resumes. The crowd filters onto the dance floor. ] [ INT. BUTABI CAR – NIGHT ] [ The guys are bobbing their heads. Rocky grimaces. He punches his finger into the CD player. ] [ MUSIC: “EYE OF THE TIGER” ] [ Rocky rocks out to the song. The guys wince. ]
Rocky Balboa: [singing]“It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor – “
Mr. Arturo: YOU GOT IT! YOU GOT IT!!
Rocky Balboa: I GOT IT!!!
The Roxbury Guys: SCORE!
Doug Butabi: Thank you, old man!
Steve Butabi: Thank you very much![ EXT. NYC – NIGHT ] [ Rocky jogs bobbing his head. Several young children in club suits join him. ] [ EXT. CHINA CLUB – NIGHT ] [ SUPER: THE CHINA CLUB ] [ INT. CHINA CLUB ] [ Rocky and the guys are bobbing their heads at the bar. They face the crowd. ]
All: Me!? Him!? Me!? Him!? Me!? Him!?
Rocky Balboa: Guys… IT’S ME!![ Rocky dances out to the floor, doing everything from disco to breakdancing at an expert level. The children from earlier and the club crowd filter onto the dance floor. ]
Submitted by: Cody Downs